The Knuckles Emerald Obsession Recovery Program
by Ninstation X
Summary: The Sonic Crew attempts to save Knuckles from his self-destructive Master Emerald worship. We attempt to get Knuckles through the Twelve Step program so Knuckles can get past this problem once and for all.
1. Step One

It has been 15 days since Knuckles last went to eat. He was just 'too busy watching the Master Emerald,' Knuckles commented.

We've been with Knuckles for years, and we've all seen his obsession with one shiny rock grow. Family and friends are here today to help him with his problem.

We will try to get Knuckles to change his devastating life choice by getting him through the twelve-step program.

**1st session - Goal: Admit that you were powerless over Emeralds--that our lives had become unmanageable**

"When I first met Knuckles," started Sonic, "I was like 'oh, cool dreads! I wanna be friends with this guy.' Then I noticed his _lifestyle_.

After our first little battle about Eggman tricking him and taking the Master Emerald for his own, I thought Knuckles just had a strong sense of justice, thus why he was so mad about a bad man with bad intentions taking that big emerald to take over the world.

...turns out the echidna had a major psychological problem."

"Shut up, Sonic!" exclaimed Knuckles.

"What?" said a confused Sonic. "I thought we were just talking in like little confessional booths. As in, he isn't suppose to hear me!"

"I don't know why Sonic is criticizing me," mumbled the Director. "So I didn't have a enough money to get actual 'booths'. I thought sitting chairs in a room and putting cardboard between them all would be good enough."

"ANYHOW," continued Sonic. "It turned out this once cool-looking echidna had an unhealthy emerald fetish. I always asked him to go on adventures with me, but he always refused, claiming 'I need to protect the Master Emerald'. What kind of bachelor sits all day looking at a shiny rock?"

"The kind of bachelor that's_ gotta protect this place, I do it for my race_," said Knuckles.

"Um...yeah," replied Sonic.

"I'll have you know, I'm with the Master Emerald so much because everyone always wants to steal it."

"No they don't," barked Sonic. "We only have a game like every 3 years. You've got some off-time between that."

"but..but, she needs me," replied Knuckles..

"Who needs you?"

"The Emerald _needs me_._"_

"And this goes back to what I said about your psychological problem."

Tails began talking, "Knuckles is a very angry man. ...Oh yeah, the Emerald, he was always with it. And when he wasn't with it, somehow he worked it into any conversation. What did giving the Tornado 2 a new paint job have to do with the Master Emerald?"

"Emerald could have helped," said Knuckles.

"No, Knuckles. It couldn't have," said the now sobbing Tails.

Rouge the Bat spoke up, "When I first saw Knuckles, I was ecstatic, as I found out that the guarder of a precious jewel was, infact, a precious jewel himself. At first I tried to play hard to get, but that didn't work. He was more worried about that Emerald's safety than mine! Every game, I tried to get a little closer to him, yet he only seemed to get closer to that emerald. WHAT DOES THAT EMERALD HAVE THAT I DON'T?!?!?"

"The Emerald was here first, baby," smoothly commented Knuckles. "I can't have 2 loves in my life and the Emerald was my first love. ...and prettier."

"I hate you dirty echidnas anyhow," Rouge said as she stormed off hugging a picture of Knuckles to her chest.

Cream came into the scene, "Mr. Knuckles needs some help. Some REAL help. My associate, Cheese, also agrees."

"You don't know me. None of you know me. You just want my Emerald, and I won't let you have it, ya hear?!"

Pan to Amy, "Knuckles? Yeah, he has some serious issues."

"Look who's talking," mumbled Sonic just soft enough for Amy not to hear.

"I came to the Emerald Shrine one day to have a picnic with him and ask him if he had any clues to Sonic's current whereabouts, but when I got there, it was really windy. I saw Knuckles putting a blanket around the Master Emerald and cooing it. I decided to walk away."

"Master Emerald was cold so I had to warm her," Knuckles said back in defense.

"Of course, Knuckles," said Amy while she plotted an escape route.

Shadow came into the picture, "He's a mad man. In my 'Shadow the Hedgehog' game exploits, I found him randomly appearing to help 'kill the black creatures'. When I looked into his eyes, I only saw determination to kill. It was a determination so strong that it was almost like he was under a spell and somebody else, _or some other being_, was instructing him to kill."

-The Circle of Judgment-

"Geez, Knuckles, you're some sort of freak," Sonic said in amazement.

"I second the Blue Hedgehog," said Shadow.

"What do any of you know?" spouted Knuckles.

"We know that you've been crazy for a long time," casually said Rouge.

"Knuckles, you need help," Tails said calmly.

"I don't need anything but the Emerald and my island."

"What about food?"

"I can feed off of M.E.'s love."

"Knuckles," said Amy, "We're your friends, and that Emerald can't give you the happiness we can. Like the happiness I give Sonikku."

Rouge sighed, "Fangirls are so clueless."

Shadow started to get impatient, "YOU HAVE A BIG PROBLEM. SOLVE IT."

"IT WOULD BE SOLVED IF YOU ALL STOPPED BEING JEALOUS OF MASTER EMERALD!"

The Director observed, "So, I'm guessing the first step isn't going to happen today. On to the Next Activity!"

-Can Knuckles get past the first-step and admit he has a problem?-

"I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM."

"Yes, you certainly don't."

To Be Continued.


	2. OT: SA2 Music Discussion

"By the way, Knuckles..." Amy randomly jumped in, "what was with your rap phase in Sonic Adventure 2?"

"Well, I wasn't going to have rock music for my themes like I was a manic," Knuckles snorted.

"Hey!" Sonic screamed. "Rock isn't maniac music, it's _adventurer_ music!"

"_My_ music was perfect," bragged Rouge. "It captured the essence of 'sexy spy.'"

"And Tails' Techno music captured the essence of 'dorky dork.'" teased Shadow.

"At least it wasn't emo music," Sonic defended.

"Emo music that topped yours in every way possible," Shadow snapped back.

Rouge sighed. "Crazed, pumped, manic music vs. depressed, hopeless, maniac music."

"Mine was Eggcellent!" Eggman said, while walking in.

"What does that even mean?" questioned Tails.

"My rap was the best," Knuckles announced.

-The whole room laughed-

"Da em-a-waldz," Rouge said while laughing.

"I'm jus gon't creep. down ta pumkin valley." Sonic cried from laughing so hard.

"dis is ya boy, Knuckles, And dis iz Aquatic Mine," chuckled Eggman, _eggcellently._

"Neva seen a mic hog Spit like menace," said Shadow, shooting bullets of laughter in the air. "It would have helped if you used real words in your _fabulous_ raps. Hahaha."

Knuckles huddled in the corner with the Master Emerald. "Only you get me," he said before he broke down crying.

"I guess laughing at him isn't moving along this seminar," Amy noticed. "My bad."


	3. Step One Part 2

To try to get Knuckles through the first step, we've prepared a group of people who have been hurt by Knuckles's lifestyle in hopes that their testimonies will alert Knuckles of how he is hurting everyone because of his Emerald Worship.

-- 1st Guest

"Hello, my name is Omochao, and I have been hurt by Knuckles's unhealthy emerald lifestyle."

"What, what could I have possibly done that could hurt _you_?" Knuckles said in anger and confusion.

"Well," Omochao continued, "because of _your_ emerald, I was forced to give you clues to find it in SA2. Don't you think I was busy enough with the better...I mean, other characters?"

"It sounds like you were just prejudice against me from the start."

"Do you think I like inventing riddles for your little quests?"

"Well...yeah? Why else would you make riddles instead of just telling me the locations of the Emerald Shards?"

"It was because I don't like Emeralds, and I don't like you. So I made sure that if I had to guide you on your quest, I could at least make it more difficult for you."

"Nobody _forced_ you to help me..."

"Are you telling me not to fulfill my duty as instructor?!"

"Somebody is a little insane..."

"WE'RE HERE FOR YOU. NOT ME."

-- 2nd Guest

"Hello, my name is Dr. Eggman, and the accursed echinda has creamed my carcass with his carried crisis one time too many! ...I realize that doesn't make much sense, but I was just trying to show how angry and intelligent I am in one statement. Anyhow, Knuckles's emerald obsession has constantly given me strife. When we first met, I knew he'd be too greedy to let me 'borrow' the emerald for a while.."

"So you stole it," Knuckles cut him off.

"I only wanted to help the world by harnessing the Emerald's power for my own precious desires, yet you've constantly tried to thwart my good deeds."

"You want to take over the world. That's not a good deed."

"Do I, Knuckles? Or is that Emerald telling you that's what I want?"

"Hmm..."

-- 3rd Guest

"Hello, my name is the Biolizard. In Sonic Adventure 2, because of Knuckles and his Emerald, the Chaos Emerald power of the ark was neutralized, and I was forced to carry out Professor Gerald's Earth Doomsday Mission **all by myself**! The fact that I'm over a hundred years old didn't make the job more pleasant. Not to mention the added weight of THE ARK."

"You were trying to suicide bomb the planet!" said Knuckles.

"When I was carrying out my mission, these golden monkeys came and attacked me, which I can only assume were sent by that echinda and his emerald. I was blown into outer space where I plotted my revenge against the red menace and his emerald accomplice! It was there a newspaper flew into my face.."

("In outer space?") thought Knuckles.

"..that said there was a Knuckles Emerald Obsession Recovery Program, and I knew _that_ was where I could get my revenge!"

"...Well, where is it?"

"This scolding, of course. I learned English just to get this very revenge right now. Fear me, Knuckles and Emerald, for I am **THE BIOLIZARD**!"

"It was more like a life story than a scolding. Either way, your revenge was crappy."

-- 4th Guest

"Hello, my name is _the Emerald Master!_"

"And how long have you been addicted to masturbation, Mr. '_the Emerald Master!_'?" the Director read from a card.

"What!?" replied _the Emerald Master!_

"Oh wait, we're here about Knuckles, sorry. Carry on."

"Yeah, so, I was the new villain on the block. I was so excited about my new job. I was going to steal the Master Emerald and bring about an earthquake. A _Master_ earthquake. All I needed to do was get the Master Emerald, and that's where the problem started..."

"What is with the guests here?" asked Knuckles. "They're all criminals and psychos in some way. Why would I feel bad about not letting them have the Master Emerald?"

"Knuckles is a real doody head," announced Omochao, "and I didn't have to push the A button to see that."

"C'mon Master Emerald, we're going home."

The Director sighed. "Activity equals failure."


	4. OT: The Biolizard Diaries

Dear Diary,

Today I tried to get my revenge against Knuckles and the wretched stone of neutralization, but Knuckles was just so rude about it all. I just wanted to scold him and then put the whole incident behind me, but he had that sassy mouth and wouldn't just let me. He told me my revenge was 'crappy', and when the camera was off us, he assaulted me with words...

"You're suppose to be dead," Knuckles harshly said.

"Well, so is Shadow!" I screamed.

"That's not a reason to why you're still alive."

"Um...um..I was saved by one of Eggman's Robots."

"Works for me."

"Are you calling me fat and ugly now?!?"

"What?"

"The people on the internet make fun of me. They say that I carried the Ark from my ass!"

"Again with your life story..."

Isn't he such a jerk?

Biologically,

Bio.

-RE:

Dear Bio,

Please stop writing to me, and start writing to the psychiatrist.

Hatefully,

Diary.


	5. Step One Part 3

So, the previous methods may have been getting us nowhere, but we still have to try! No matter how long, we can't let the Emerald win.

"He's refusing to come to anymore meetings," Tails announced to the whole cast. "In fact, I think he's not going to budge from his Emerald Watching for another 15 days."

"Let's burn him!" shouted _the Emerald Master!_

"Let's all send him concerned letters," came surprisingly out the mouth of Eggman. "I sent those to people I was concerned about when I wasn't evil."

"He won't read an individual letter from all of us," commented Amy.

"Then we'll send him a combined letter from all of us," suggested Tails.

"Alright!" everyone said.

The Next Day on Angel Island.

"Mmhmm, it sure is a beautiful day for endless Emerald Watching," Knuckles said with glee.

A mailman approached the Emerald Shrine.

"Oh look, the mailman is coming. Hey, wait, I don't have a mailbox on this floating island. ...HE MUST BE AFTER THE MASTER EMERALD!" Knuckles pounced on the mailman.

"I'm just delivering a letter!" said the frightened mailman. "Take it. TAKE IT!"

The mailman handed Knuckles the letter and walked off in anger.

"Oh, lookie! A letter from 'your friends.' I wonder what it's about?"

Knuckles opened the letter and read:

_Dear Knuckles/Knucklehead/waste-of-space/givemetheMasterEmerald!/Darling_

_We, your esteemed colleagues, would love it if you got off your damn obsession with damn emeralds, because sometimes you just want to crack an egg, but you get an omelet of DEATH and while Sonikku may look good in gloves, he'd look better in these great clothes I found at the mall I HAD TO CARRY THE ARK MYSELF! IT WAS LIKE IT WAS HANGING OUT OF MY BUTT while some of us think my breasts would have been enough to win you over!! Sometimes you should watch out for rocks, they hurt when they hit your head, but Hey, Long Time No See._

_So, we hope you'll make the right choice._

_Sincerely, _

_Your bestest pals_

"Can people see why the Emerald is my best friend, now?" said Knuckles.

Later.

"Yeah, our letter didn't move him," Tails said with regret. "Maybe we shouldn't have let Big the Cat edit everything together."

"Now that I think about it, the letter wasn't very sincere," said Amy.

Cream appeared. "Hi everyone. I just got back from skipping down the lane with glee."

"That's it, the missing ingredient!" Amy jumped and approached Cream. "Hey Cream, we need you to write a letter to Knuckles."

"About what?"

"How he's destroying the world by loving that Master Emerald."

"No way!"

"Yes way, Cream. Only you can stop the darkness from flooding the world. Tell Knuckles how you feel...in a letter," Amy said as she handed Cream a pen and paper.

"I didn't know it was that serious. I'll get on it right away!"

The Next Day at the Emerald Shrine.

"Yeah, Emerald Watching sure is a fulfilling career," Knuckles said with pride.

A mailman approached the Emerald Shrine.

"Another mailman, huh? HE MUST BE AFTER THE MASTER EMERALD!" Knuckles then pounced on the Mailman.

"My Bones! They're all broken because of you!"

"Oh C'mon, I didn't pounce on you that hard."

("The last mailman who came here told me a wild beast man pounced on him while he was delivering mail. I figured now would be the perfect time for me to retire.") "My ribs, they burn!" cried the devious mailman. "I just wanted to deliver this letter."

Knuckles is handed a letter, while the faker mailman crawls away with the intent to press charges.

"It's a letter from Cream!" said Knuckles. He opened the letter and read:

_Dear Mr. Knuckles,_

_Please stop being with that emerald. It's hurting everyone, and I just want the world to be happy again. Don't you want to frolic in freedom and peace? Mrs. Emerald is hurting that freedom and peace, which is wrong. Everyone should be happy. The world should be happy, but Mrs. Emerald is making everyone sad. Please stop hurting everyone, Mr. Knuckles._

_Sincerely,_

_Cream_

_P.S. Please_

"Wow, I never knew Cream wanted me to change this much. I also never knew she was such a Drama Queen. I mean, 'the world being uphappy' because of me and Master Emerald's love? Anyway, this letter has touched my heart, and it's making me think that...-achoo- brr...It's getting cold all of a sudden."

Knuckles then proceeded to crumple up the letter and use it to create a bonfire beside the Master Emerald.

"This fire is in celebration of M.E. Warmth for the emerald that warms my heart," he soothingly said to the Master Emerald. Romantic music suddenly played out of nowhere. "Oh wait, wasn't I doing something before this fire? ...Oh well."

The mood got really sexy between M.E. and Knuckles after that.

The Next Day_er._

"It didn't work, again!" said a very frustrated Amy.

"Don't give up, Amy," shouted Cream. "We have to save the world from the Emerald's wrath!"

"Um, I kinda over-dramatized the whole 'emerald-loving destroys the world' thing, ya know?"

"Oh, then I'm gonna go frolic some more." Cream left.

"Ah! How can we reach Knuckles?" Tails shouted.

"I can send one of my egg missiles to reach the Emerald Shrine. Mwahaha!!" cackled Eggman.

"I meant emotionally reach him," sighed Tails.

"Yeah, you villain characters can all leave now," said the annoyed Sonic.

"Why are you guys here anyway?" Shadow questioned.

"Well, it's not like we can really do any evil acts when you guys are all preoccupied with this ordeal," replied Eggman.

"Why can't you?" Shadow again questioned.

"Where would be the challenge if nobody would oppose? Being a villain is pretty much disguised thrill-seeking."

"I see," said Sonic. "But still, leave."

The villains left and sweared revenge! Because villains can't leave without swearing that.

"Okay, if Knuckles won't care about anyone but the Emerald..." Tails started, "then..."

The Next Day_er**er **_on the Emerald Shrine.

"Yeah, I don't need food when I'm Emerald Watching. Yessiree," shouted Knuckles.

A Mailman Appeared.

"Master Emerald, Flamethrower attack NOW!"

"Um, sir," awkwardly said the mailman, "this isn't Pokemon, and this letter is for you."

"Oh, right!" Knuckles is handed a letter.

The mailman walked away mumbling, "It's good thing that guy was gullible, my level 5 Charmander wouldn't have been able to take on that Master Emerald if we would have been forced into battle."

Knuckles looked at the letter. "OH MY WORD! It's a letter from...the Master Emerald!"

Knuckles tore open the letter with superhuman speed that rivaled Sonic's.

_Dear Knuckles,_

_You've been with me through all the hard times and cared for me, but I think we need to separate for a while. I know you love me very much, but I just don't feel that way about you. You and me come from different granites, and it's just not working between us. Besides that, I think your constant tending to me is quite creepy. You've even neglected the friends that care about you for me. Knuckles, what I'm trying to say is you need to bring our relationship back to the simple protect-me-every-now-and-then point. I hope we can still be friends._

_Knuckles, you have a problem, and you need to fix it for me, yourself, and your friends. But mostly for your friends._

_Sincerely,  
_

_The Master Emerald_

"Wow, Master Emerald, that was deep. ...Hey, why is the return address on the letter the same as Tails's house address? ...Oh wait, there's something scribbled beside it. 'No, it's not.' Oh okay."

Knuckles ponders about his life. "I never knew I'd gotten this addicted to emeralds. I don't know if I can stop loving the Master Emerald so much..."

Sonic and Pals appeared.

"Yes, you can, Knuckles!" Amy said cheerfully.

"Woah, guys, you're here conveniently when I'm mentally confused."

"We waited in the bushes for this moment," replied Sonic.

"Quiet, Sonic!" Shadow nudged.

"Guys, I love the Master Emerald so much, only to find out it didn't love me back."

"Yes!" unexpectedly yelled Rouge.

"What can I change?" Knuckles with confusion.

"You can stop being so angry all the time," suggested Sonic.

"Shadow's always angry too, but nobody ever cares about that," replied Knuckles.

"That's because I'm angry cool, and you're just angry angry," Shadow said in a condescending manner.

"You're also too red," jumped in Amy. "You should get bleached, and think about changing to the color blue."

"Guys, guys! Emerald, remember?" Tails whispered to all of them.

"Oh yeah, Knuckles, first you need to admit that you have a problem," Sonic spoke up.

"But I don't," Knuckles said defensively.

"You've been tricked into believing you don't have a problem," said Shadow. "Eggman tricked you."

"No way! I have a problem. Eggman's not gonna get away with this!" Knuckles shouted in anger as he stormed off.

"Great lie, Shadow!" Sonic said in approval.

"If he didn't go for it, I would have had to get out my guns," Shadow replied.

"Now how about we break that emerald, so it can never compete with me again?" Rouge said with a hammer in hand.

"Or how about we leave it alone," Tails interjected sarcastically.

Step One is a Success _finally_.


	6. OT: Policemen Patrol

"Car 27, we got a report of a maniac breaking into a 'Dr. Eggman's' household and is currently ravaging the entire place as we speak. Save the egg, if you can."

"I'm on it."

Officer Bob arrives on the scene.

"Thank goodness you're here officer!" said an egg-shaped man in tattered pajamas.

"What happened here?"

"Well, I was just sitting on my bed playing solitaire when some red maniac busted in my lair saying 'You thought you could trick me!? I DO have a problem!' Then the maniac busted up everything in a blind rage. He's still in there, and I'm very frightened."

"Don't worry, ...sir?"

"Yes, I am an egg-shaped **MAN**!**"**

"Yeesh, sorry."

Officer Bob approached the household and is acquainted with the red maniac's fist.

"Fist Metal crack'em," yelled the maniac. The maniac demolished the rest of Eggman's lair then approached Eggman. "Remember, I DO have a problem, and you won't trick me again."

"Yes, a serious problem," Eggman replied.

"That's right," Knuckles said as the victor.

-- On the other side of Town

There appears to be someone on the edge of a tall building.

Spoken through a megaphone, "Please come down, Mr. Omochao. Please don't jump."

"Did you know, falling off ledges, hurt?"

"Yes, we already know that."

"If everyone always knows, then why should I say it? I never can feel appreciated or important because everyone always knows the advice I give."

"I'm sure you have some advice that we don't already know."

"Then, do you know what button you need to press to do a homing attack?"

"'A' while in midair."

Omochao jumps.

"-sigh- I'm definitely not going to get promoted to chief negotiator anytime soon."

--

"We have a report of a bar fight started between too girls about some man."

"I'm on it."

An officer arrives at the bar.

"Shadow is hotter!" yelled some random fangirl.

"No, Sonic is hotter!" yelled a pink hedgehog.

"I'll cut you!" yelled the fangirl.

"Is that what you have to imagine Shadow is saying to you, in order to feel loved?"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that my boyfriend, Sonic, at least knows I exist, unlike some...creatures who aren't known by their love."

"Creature!?"

Knives flew between the two girls.

The officer approached the bartender

The Bartender looked over. "Yeah, this fight thing was a real problem before, but everyone started betting on who'd win, so it's all good now; you can leave."

"That's a crime, along with this bar fight. I'll have all of you arrested," the policeman announced.

5 minutes later, the police officer was bound and gagged.

"So, our alibi is that he tried to rape us. All of us."

--

"There's been a report of a black hedgehog driving around town, shooting everything in sight, while constantly saying 'Damn.'"

"It's going to be a long night."


	7. Step Two

-- Somewhere off the coast of Spain

"Well, that storming off sure was fun, but time to get back to the Master Emerald," proclaimed Knuckles.

"Not so fast," Amy said, standing in Knuckles's way.

"Knuckles, you can't go back to your old lifestyle," Tails said with concern.

"I'm just going to go guard it some more. The Emerald just told me not to get so intimate with it anymore. I'm still its guardian."

"Are you sure, that's all you're going to do, Knuckles?" questioned Sonic. "No more romantic music or huddling next to it in a fetal position?"

"No, none of that at all. I won't even touch it anymore," Knuckles calmly replied. "I'm just going to go back and..."

Knuckles started twitching uncontrollably. "I...-twitch-...I've been -twitch- away from it, too long. I have to hold the Master Emerald!" Knuckles raced off to the Emerald Shrine.

"Everyone! We have to stop him before he touches the Master Emerald. For if he does, they surely will never part again!" doth proclaim Tailzes. "After himeth!"

Knuckles ran as fast as he could to get to the Master Emerald, mowing down anything in his path. Remember that old Lady you saw crossing the street? She was trampled by Knuckles.

Buses, buildings, and barbers were all trampled. By the time Knuckles got to the Emerald Shrine, he was on practically everybody's hitlist.

"I wanted to hold you again, Baby!" Knuckles yelled, running up the Emerald Shrine to greet his honey, but only to find a surprise.

"Hello, Baby," Rouge said with amusement while she stood in the place the Master Emerald once was.

"Master Emerald!? Where is? Where is emerald!" Knuckles was foaming at the mouth.

"We all disassembled it," Amy said, satisfied.

"We all have a piece now," said Sonic and the others. They held up their pieces.

"I put my Emerald Shard piece between my breasts," Rouge said seductively.

"To get your emerald back, you'll have to take all of us out," said Shadow with a 'try it' face.

"Emerald?! Em-a-wald? Eramel!" Knuckles lunged at everyone like a zombie (which isn't too good of a fighting posture).

"You're pitiful," said Shadow, after punching Knuckles down. "You can't even do anything without the comfort of your emerald."

"That's not true!" said Knuckles. He pulled himself together a little more. "I don't need it."

"Are you sure, Knuckles?" Sonic teased. "I bet you can't do anything without it. You have a problem. You're not even sane."

"Th-That's not true."

"There's only one way to prove it," Sonic happily replied.

-Knuckles is put inside an insanity room with a straight jacket-

**Session 2 – Goal: Came to Believe that a Power greater than ourselves, Greater than any Emerald, could restore us to sanity.**

Day 1

"I don't care about emeralds. I don't care about emeralds. What, do you care about emeralds? 'Cus I don't. I really don't. Don't like donuts that are shaped like emeralds. C'mon emerald. 'C'mon' sounds like emerald, doesn't it?"

"Knuckles, sir," said the nurse that came in, "would you like some soothing tea?"

"I'll cut you. Mwahahaha!"

The Nurse rolled her eyes. "I can see you still haven't progressed in the whole day you've been here."

"The whole day?!" Knuckles said with shock. "I've been here for at least 3 years. I've made marks in the wall each day to keep count."

The Nurse looked over. "There's only one mark..."

"Emerald, where?!"

"I'll be leaving now then."

Day 3

"Knuckles, we have a visitor for you today," announced the Nurse.

-Shadow came in-

"Damn Damn Damn. Damn Damnity Damn it," said Shadow.

"wha? Emerald?"

"Damn."

"Emerald?"

"Damn."

"Emerald?"

Day 6

"And that is why you must humble yourself before Christ for help," said Reverend.

"There were no emeralds in your scripture; thus, it displeases me."

Day 10

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Day 15

"Nurse, I'd like to request some soothing tea now," said Knuckles.

"Oh goody! Closer-to-sanity type progress!" The nurse came in with some tea and put it in Knuckles's mouth (because he's in a straight jacket, ya know). Yet Knuckles didn't swallow the tea. He instead spit it all in the Nurse's face and escaped out the door.

A/N: Credit to Session Two's plot goes to Taranea.


	8. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting A

"Statistics show that both Sonic and Shadow's popularity are plummeting. Anyone have any ideas to get their status back up?" asked the Head Director.

"I do!" cried Crew Member C. "How about we make a new character, so we don't have to try to improve anything with the current cast."

"Silver the Hedgehog has already been created," said Crew Member D.

"...but _Bronze_ the Hedgehog hasn't," continued Crew Member E with a smile.

"I'm on it," said Crew Member D as he typed 'Bronze the Hedgehog' into the Computer Character Generating Program and a paper came out. "Okay, finished!" he said as he handed the paper to the head director.

"Bronze the Hedgehog," The Head Director read,

"Personality: Friendly but not-friendly

Appearance: Strangely similar to Sonic but with a Cowboy Hat

Abilities: His legs are guns. When he shoots them in the opposite direction, he is propelled forward conveniently fast enough to rival Sonic's speed

Connections to current cast: Eggman's distant parallel-dimension cousin from space. Or Amy's Community College buddy

Likes: Western Rodeos, Justice

Dislikes: Evil things"

"Okay guys, good job," announced Crew Member D.

"Um..it doesn't seem like a good job. This character seems kinda lame," squeaked Crew Member F.

"Doesn't matter, as long as it's a _new_ character" confidently said the Head Director.


	9. OT: Eggman's New Rap

"I wonder what new crap is on the radio?" Shadow said as he turned on his car's radio.

"Hi, this is DJ Beat, and today we're going to introduce this new fly single from the artist formerly known as E.G.G.M.A.N. Check it out."

-The song starts to play-

"Hello, my name is Dr. Eggman, I'm the World's greatest scientist, and I think you should...

**GET A LOAD OF THIS! GET ALOAD OF THIS!** C'mon. **GET A LOAD OF THIS! GET A LOAD OF THIS**! Check it.

Everywhere I go, there's hedgehogs.  
Every time I breathe, there's a hedgehog followin' me.

Every single plan I plot to rule the land; that blasted hedgehog gets more characters in his hand.

But** you know what they say, the more the merrier! **I'll just blast them from my Egg Carrier.

You thought you could trick me with that fake emerald?! You thought that explosion left me dead? Well I'm the one in charge of this omelet. You ain't neva gonna fry my eggs.

When will that hedgehog learn. Who does he think he is? So what if you foiled my first 7 robots? I still have **my latest and greatest creation** that will kill you like an evil sensation.

Think you can infiltrate my lair without a care and wreck the place to leave me dry and bare?

**He's not gonna get away with this!**

Say it with me!

**He's not gonna get away with this!**

That two-tailed freak too!

**He's not gonna get away with this!**

**YOSH!**"

"That was...something alright," Shadow said as he changed the station.


	10. Step Two Part 2

"News Flash. Local maniac, Knuckles the Echidna, has just escaped from the insane asylum and has been classified as 'hungry fo' em-a-waldz.'

We urge you to hide anything that looks remotely like a gem or emerald shard, for Knuckles might just kill to get his hands on it.

Remember, Knuckles has the power to sense the Master Emerald shards, so if you find a Master Emerald piece, don't touch it and alert a government official right away.

Be advised that Knuckles is very crafty when given tea.

Next, we find out how some scientists have found out that boiled broccoli may stop a nuclear winter..."

Tails gazed up at the TV in distress. "Oh No! Knuckles will be after all of us so he can restore the Master Emerald! But, with Sonic, Amy, Shadow, Rouge, and me all having a piece of the emerald, it'd be pretty impossible for him to beat us ALL." Tails now felt a little bit at ease. "I guess I'll go drink some tea."

**The Battle for the Emerald Shards**

**Amy vs. Knuckles: The Mall Brawl**

"Are you saying I can't fit into a size small?!" yelled Amy at the Saleswoman.

"I didn't say anything like that," replied the saleswoman. "I said size smalls are currently out of stock. You're just self-conscious."

"How dare you say that to a _valued_ customer."

"You've only bought from here one time. You're not that _valued_."

"Yrrrgh!!"

"How lady-like of a valued customer," commented the saleswoman.

Amy stormed out. "Pfft, that store didn't have clothes good enough to compliment my beauty anyways. If only there was a store that was good enough for me. A store that would treat me like the queen I am."

A person walked out of the shadows. "Maybe my store would suit your elegant tastes, Miss," said a woman who strangely had a manly voice and had an odd, reddish skin color.

"Oh, what's your name?" asked Amy.

"Knuclemia, and I run the best store in this mall. Only the most beautiful and sophisticated women are allowed to shop there, and you've made the cut."

"What's your store called?" asked Amy.

"Um...the Best Store," replied the woman, leading Amy to her store.

The store was located in the middle of the mall and was made out of a cardboard box. The entrance to this store was just a square cut into the box.

"Okay, here's my store," the woman said, as they entered.

Amy glanced around at wigs that like looked like they were made out of mop strings, jewelry that looked like it was out of a 25 cents machine, and customers that looked like cardboard cutouts.

"...This is an interesting 'best' store," said Amy.

Once Amy was distracted, the woman got a piece of cardboard that was laying around the store and cut out a piece the size of the square entrance. She then sealed the entrance shut using that cardboard and some scotch tape. Amy turned around and gasped.

"I didn't notice before," Amy started, "but you have an Adam's apple!"

"Not only that," the woman evilly said, "but now you're trapped in here. Mwahaha."

"Trapped in cardboard? I have a hammer. I could easily..."

"Shut up and give me the jewel I desire!"

"No way, I'll never give you the Master Emerald shard, Knuckles."

"Wha?" said the woman in confusion.

Amy pulverized the store and the woman in a fit of blind rage.

The woman slowly crawled out of the remains of her store. "The jewel I was talking about...was friendship," the woman said with a tear in her eye, passing out on the ground.

"Oh! Look at those great shoes in that store over there," Amy said and ran over to Payless. Unknown to Amy, all the moving around from her hammer episode flew the Emerald Shard she was carrying into the air just when Knuckles was entering the mall.

"I know the Emerald Shard is around here somewhere," said Knuckles. He pondered where Amy could be. Just then, the Emerald Shard landed in his hand. "Yes! That was easy. Now I wonder if this mall has any types of emerald shampoos..."

1st Emerald Shard Acquired.

**Shadow vs. Knuckles: The Benchpress for the Shard**

Shadow sighed. "Fighting that justice and rodeo-loving bronze hedgehog sure was tiring. Time to build up more muscle," said Shadow upon entering the Community Gym.

"I can bench 200 pounds easily," Shadow said arrogantly while doing reps.

A red echidna with a mustache and top hat entered the gym. "I can bench more," he said in a challenging manner. "Wanna bet emerald shards on it?"

"It's really obvious that it's you, Knuckles. And where did you get that mustache?"

"The mall, ...no wait, I'm not Knuckles. My name is Ted, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I got my roles messed up, let me do it over."

"Don't worry about it Not-Knuckles. I already know it's not you anyways," Shadow rolled his eyes. "Let's get this benchpress thing over with."

"Alright," said 'Ted,' lifting up 300 pounds worth of weight.

"Pfft, is that all you got?" remarked Shadow, adding 200 pounds to his weight, making 400 pounds.

"No," replied Ted. "I have cartoon antics too." Ted added a gorilla to his weight.

"Giraffe," Shadow said, adding a giraffe to his weight.

"Elephant," said Knuckles...er...Ted, as it was added to his weight.

"Whale."

"Titanic."

"Iceberg."

"Pickle."

"?"

"I mean, monster pickle that weighs 300 pounds," Ted corrected.

"Plane."

"Truck."

30 items Later.

("This plan isn't working fast enough,") thought Ted. ("I'm going to have to use my cunning that is rarely ever seen.")

Unbeknownst to Shadow, Ted tosses a phone on top of Shadow's weight pile. The phone starts ringing.

"What's the hold up, you waste-of-time?" Shadow said like his normal, rude self.

"What'd you say! ...Oh yeah, I can't lose my edge. For the secret plan!"

"What? Secret plan?" Shadow said confused.

"Shadow," Ted started, "your phone is ringing. Don't you want to know who it is?"

"Probably some telemarketer. Nothing important."

"But Shadow, it could be Maria."

"Maria is dead you imbecile."

"So were you and the Biolizard..."

"And..?"

"I'm just sayin', Eggman has a lot of robots... Maybe even Professor Gerald was saved by one of them like you were."

"Professor Gerald was executed **on film**. HE IS DEAD. Maria was shot in front of my eyes. SHE IS DEAD."

"You fell to the earth _on film, _in front of the eyes of many kids, ya know?"

"Imbecile."

-ring- -ring-

"Maria is calling you, but you won't answer."

"Shut up," Shadow said, getting more annoyed.

"What kind of friend are you?"

"Shut up."

"Me shutting up won't _**bring hope to humanity**_."

A tear formed in Shadow's eye. "Maria, I'm coming!" cried Shadow. He instinctively reached for the phone, yet he forgot all the weight he was holding up, so it all came crashing down onto him.

Ted walked over to the half-buried and half-alive Shadow and took off his mustache and top hat to reveal that he was actually...Knuckles the Echidna in disguise! "Haha, Shadow. It was really me, Knuckles! I have tricked you, though for some odd reason I feel like we're even now...but anyways."

Knuckles grabbed the Emerald Shard from Shadow and left.

2nd Emerald Shard Acquired.

Out of the pile, Shadow crawled injured to the ringing phone and picked it up. "Maria?"

"This is Surely Insurance, and I'd like to..."

"I'm sold already!" Shadow said with enthusiasm. "Tell me where your headquarters are, and I'll be over to sign up right away."

15 Minutes later, a building is blown up. Bystanders report they heard the words "Chaos Blast" right before the incident.

**Rouge vs. Knuckles: The Better Club**

-- At Club Rouge

"Hey, Rouge," yelled a customer, "when are you going to get good chairs in this club? My butt always seems to get a little more dead with each sit in this joint."

"What are you going to do?" replied Rouge with a smirk. "This is the only club around."

(And here begins our story. Told by me, the Narrator.

Club Rouge was the most hip club in the city, partially because it was the only club in this particular city. It started out as an A-Rank establishment full of promise and dance, but then, Rouge seemed to get lazy with the club maintenance. Rouge started neglecting the club in favor of Treasure Hunting and Knuckles-baiting. Soon Rouge became very greedy and didn't value her customers at all. Instead of going and mingling with her club visitors, she'd be watching TV in the back while eating ice cream.)

Another customer moaned. "Rouge, could you get a TV in here? I want to watch the Rugrats."

"I will get a TV for this club once somebody produces a diamond for me," bellowed Rouge.

"But diamonds are so expensive, Miss Rouge," everyone in the club complained. "Isn't the fact that we're loyal customers here enough for you to get this place a TV?"

"And comfortable chairs," continued another customer.

"And a Rugrats DVD boxset," continued another. The room got quiet after that comment though. "What? It's not like the rest of you 'cool kids' wouldn't be watching it."

"My response to everyone is stop complaining or leave," replied Rouge.

A person came running into Club Rouge and said "Hey, Everyone! This great new club called 'Club Knux' opened up across the street. And they give free pencils to everyone that comes in!"

"Free Pencils!?" yelled everyone in Club Rouge. They rushed over to the new club.

"You'll be back," shouted Rouge.

-7 Days of Club Rouge emptiness later-

"I thought they'd be back," Rouge said, walking outside and hearing everyone at Club Knux enjoying themselves. She heard such comments as "This Hangman competition is da bomb," "Anyone else still amazed by the free pencils?" and "This club is so cool that even my Mom is here. Hi Mommy!"

"Oh well," said Rouge. "Time to go watch more Spongebob episodes in the back."

"Not so fast, Rouge," said Knuckles. He came up in his 'club wear' (which was only Knuckles with black sunglasses). "My club is murdering yours. Hahaha, now surrender the Master Emerald shard!"

"Why?"

"Don't you want me to leave so your club will be number one again?" questioned Knuckles.

"I don't care."

"But what about your customers. They love you."

"Then why aren't they over here?"

"That's not the point. The point is _friendship_."

(And on that day, Rouge had a change of heart.)

"Saying the word 'friendship' doesn't make things happy," replied Rouge.

(My bad, I thought the friendship line would do it.)

"Hey wait, Knuckles, you're supposed to be in the insane asylum. So, unless you're going to become my new boyfriend then I'm calling the cops.."

-Punch-

(Rouge lay on the ground stunned. ..wait, I can't do this. My heavens, what's wrong with you?!)

"Why don't you finish the story _the right way_, lest you want to end up like Rouge, Mr. Narrator."

(um...Um...but Rouge decided that she shouldn't call the looney cops because she just learned about friendship. Rouge decided to get a flat screen TV for her club and also decided to give Knuckles the Master Emerald shard in the name of friendship. From that day on, Rugrats reruns were played everyday at Club Rouge. And they all lived happily ever after...)

3rd Emerald Shard Acquired.

**Tails vs. Knuckles: Some Tea, Please?**

"This tea tastes so bland," commented Tails on his latest batch of tea. "I've tried every tea on the market, and none of them have a special kick to it."

Just then, the Master Emerald shard in Tails's pocket started glowing. "I wonder what this means?"

-Lightbulb-

"...what if I brew my next batch of tea with the Master Emerald shard?" Tails wondered.

5 Minutes Later.

"It's Tea Time!" Tails said after brewing his tea. After pouring some into a cup, Tails took a sip and there was a big thump inside his mouth. "Wow, this tea is really great and really has a great kick to it!" Tails said with enthusiasm, even with the blood now running out of his mouth.

Loud explosions were heard from a distance. The explosions were getting louder and closer.

"Arrgh!!" said a red blur that was quickly approaching Tails's household, breaking every rock in its path.

"Oh no! Knuckles is coming here, and I have the Emerald Shard inside my teapot! I have to dispose of it quick!"

But it was too late. -Knock- -Knock-

Tails cautiously opened the door. "H-Hi Kn-Knuckles."

"Hey, Tails. I was gonna come here and beat the pulp out of you for the Emerald Shard, but I'm just too thirsty from my marathon to get here." Knuckles walked inside the house. "Oh, you have tea?" Knuckles said with a devilish grin.

("I heard about this on the news. Knuckles is very crafty when given tea. Who knows how crafty he'd be with a cup of emerald-flavored tea,") Tails thought as he panicked.

"Mwahahaha."

"Um, Knuckles."

"Mwhahaha!"

"Kn-Knuckles."

"Mwhahaha!!"

"KNUCKLES!"

"Oh sorry, I was thinking about something ...um funny... relating to tea. So yeah, can I have some tea, please?"

"I'm sorry, but there are no clean cups."

"It's okay. I carry some with me just in case."

"I meant that the tea is too hot to drink."

"I'll wait 'til it cools then."

"No, you can't because.."

"Hey, your tea pot is glowing green," commented Knuckles.

"Yikes! The tea was exposed to nuclear radiation. We have to get out of here right away!" Tails hurried himself and Knuckles out of the house.

"Wait, that's the glow of the Master Emerald!"

Tails pressed a button on his wristwatch and the whole house barricaded itself in steel. Try as he might, Knuckles could not bust into the house.

"You'll have to deactivate it by pressing the button on my watch again. But to do that you'll have to defeat me first."

Knuckles picked up a large rock. Three seconds later, everything went dark for Tails.

4th Emerald Shard Acquired.

**Sonic vs. Knuckles: The Battle for Sanity**

-- On the Beach

Sonic was lounging on a beach towel and Knuckles approached him. Sonic looked over. "Woah, if it isn't Knuckles," Sonic smirked.

1 moment later.

"You locked me up in an insane asylum," Knuckles yelled and banged Sonic's head against the ground.

"Didn't you learn anything from your stay in that emerald-deprived asylum?!" said the shaken-up Sonic.

"Why yes. I learned I was being a too extreme with the Master Emerald. Somewhere after Reverend's sermon and the endless craving of emerald shards in that prison, I came to believe there's some power that can make me live normally and emerald free."

"If you learned that _then_, then why I am I getting beat to death _now_!" said the very frustrated hedgehog.

The other characters walked up (3 out of the 4 of them could only crawl up due to the damage inflicted upon them).

"Yes, Knuckles, why did you go on this shard quest and piss us all off if you already were sane?" demanded Rouge.

"I was stuck in the insane asylum for 15 days. I needed something entertaining to do when I got out. I didn't really care about reviving the Master Emerald that much. It was all like a fun game, right guys?" Knuckles smiled.

"If I had decent leg strength at the moment, I'd run over and beat you to death," commented Shadow, "but I'll just settle with sending you bad vibes for now."

Step Two is now officially a success!


	11. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting B

"Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Cream & Cheese, Blaze, Silver, Shadow, Rouge, Omega, Chaos, Eggman, Metal Sonic, Jet, Wave, Storm, Vector, Espio, Charmy, Omochao, and generic Chao. We've called you all here today, because we're tired of all of you complaining about your dwindling roles compared to Sonic, so we figured out a solution," the Head Director announced. "An ultimate battle."

"What?!" all the characters said at once.

"This is what you all wanted, right? You wanted to have a bigger role like when you first appeared, right? THEN FIGHT FOR IT." The Head Director went to heat up some popcorn.

"And besides that," continued Crew Member A, "your roles, personalities, and/or abilities are starting to run into each other. Like Cream and Tails. We can't go around having the same kind of characters running around."

"but I'm smarter than Cream," Tails mumbled annoyed.

Crew Member B stepped up. "We've divided you all into divisions. You will fight those in your division, and the ones still standing from each division will become the most important characters in the next game.

The divisions are as follows:

Crazed, Psycho, Main Adventurer: Sonic, Jet, Metal Sonic, Generic Chao.

Lovable Sidekick: Tails, Cream & Cheese, Omega.

Instructor: Vector, Charmy, Omochao.

Sexy Spy: Rouge, Espio, Wave.

Angst-ridden Anti-hero: Shadow, Silver, Blaze.

Villain: Eggman."

"Yes, my title is secure!" cried Eggman in relief.

"That won't do," cut in Crew Member A. "How about you fight for the title against the Biolizard."

"That sounds biotastic," said the Biolizard from outside, since it couldn't fit in the building.

"The Villain list (Revised)," continued Crew Member B, "Eggman, the Biolizard.

Main Character's insane love interest: Amy, Chaos."

Chaos looked like liquidy confusion. "Blub?"

"and Angry Strong Guy: Knuckles, Storm," finished Crew Member B.

"Can't we just talk this out?" cried Tails.

"And just for that little outburst, you won't be able to select a weapon before your battle," said Crew Member A.

"Okay, let the battle begin!" said Crew Member B. "...Once the Head Director comes back with the popcorn."

After the popcorn and Head Director get back.

"Okay, go!"

-- After an exciting battle too big to be put in a filler chapter...

"Hey kids, are you ready for an all-new adventure?

Sonic Adventure Next-Gen Rush packs an exciting new experience. Ya know, like Sonic Next-Gen was supposed to do."

-Intro-

A monitor appears in front of our hero and turns on.

"I'm going to fire my laser at the earth and turn everyone on the planet into lizards. And there's nothing you can do to stop me this time! Bio Bio Bio Bio," laughed the madman.

"Chao Chao Chao Chao (Translated: That's what you think, Dr. Bioman. I'll destroy your greenhouse of evil)," said Chaoic with a smirk.

"Well, then you'll need a spy to find out where he's located," said a very sexy chameleon in leather.

"And don't forget your trusty pal," said a hefty robot coming up from behind. "We'll ANNIHILATE KILL DESTROY that bad man."

"I've finally found it. The Lizard Trigger," said a silver hedgehog looking at the monitor from a distance.

-A gelatinous blob inhaled Chaoic in what may be a blob's attempt at a warm embrace, but we're not experts at those sort of things-

"I'm gonna break some rocks in anger to clear your path (See: Sonic Rush)," yelled Knuckles.

"Chao Chao Chao (Let's start our adventure, gang!)"

Level One – Green Garden

-Omochao appears on screen-

"So yeah, you realize you can jump if you press A, right?"

-End Intro-

-- Later that day

"You guys wanted to see me?" asked Omochao when he walked into the Sonic Team crew meeting room.

"Um, yeah. We were all just kinda wondering how you exactly overpowered Vector and Charmy and won your match, considering your current...abilities."

"I have a dark side you don't know about," Omochao said as he looked out the window.

"Perfect!" cried the Head Director. "We'll explore your dark side in your new spin-off game, 'Omochao the Hedgehog'!"

-The other crew members clapped-


	12. OT: Omochao the Hedgehog

**A Dark Past...**

"That was when _it_ happened," announced Omochao.

"What happened?" said a bystander.

"_That _Time."

"Huh?"

"_The life changing event_."

**Awesome New Levels...**

"Lava Dark Zone? It's just like a normal Sonic level, but with more angst added."

**New Allies And Enemies...**

"Omochao, gather the Master Emerald for me, _the Emerald Master!_, and we'll destroy this world of instructor-hating humans, forever!"

"Omochao, we, the people of DumbDor, need you. Forget about those humans' wretched lives, and come show us how to jump."

"Omochao, humanity doesn't like you, but help them for the heck of it."

"I like humans. Won't you like them too, Omochao?"

**Radical New Missions...**

"Get through the level."

"Now get through the level faster."

"Now get through the level with one foot blown off."

**Extreeeeeeme Words To Attract Teens...**

"That guy's head blew off da chain."

"I'm going to shoot your biscuits straight to Mars."

**Exciting New Powers...**

"When I give enough bad people advice, I turn into a werewolf," commented Omochao.

"When I give enough good people advice, I turn into a ice cream cone...that shoots lasers."

**Alternate Endings...**

"Congratulations! You've destroyed humanity. Thanks for playing!"

"Humanity still doesn't like you, Omochao, but now we dislike you a little less. :)"

"Now, first let's show us how to do a spindash. The DumbDors command it!"

**With so many new twists and turns, which path will you choose?**

**Ultra-kewl Reviews...**

"The path that doesn't lead to buying this game," says Gamers Monthly.

"Mr. Mittens died around the same time I started playing this game. That's quite the _coincidence_..." says Kitty-Lovers Digest.

"It's a game alright," says some guy on the street.


	13. Step Three

We are here to get Knuckles to turn his will over to God. Through God, Knuckles will gain the power to destroy the Emerald that dwells within his soul.

**Session 3 – Goal: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God _as we understood His wrath against Emerald Lusters_.**

"Okay, Knuckles, it's time to for you to seek God for help," said Reverend.

"I can help myself," snorted Knuckles.

"Can you?" Reverend replied. "I heard you paused for a really long time as you passed a jewelry shop..."

"You don't know what you're talking about. I stopped there for a moment because something, that wasn't jewelry, caught my eye in there."

"The store clerk, as well as three bystanders, said you had an unmistakable look of lust in your eyes. So unless you're going to tell me your attention was focused on the store clerk..."

"I can get through on my own determination without needing some la-de-da faith, okay?"

"Okay," said Reverend. Knuckles walked out.

-- Later, at the Emerald Shrine

The Master Emerald was restored and is currently back in place due to Knuckles returning to sanity. Now the Master Emerald is just there for guarding purposes.

"Yeah, it sure is a beautiful day for Emerald Loving...I mean...Guarding. Emerald Guarding."

1 Minute Later.

"But it's soooo hard guarding it without touching it." -Touch-

2 Minutes Later.

"But it's soooo hard touching it without kissing it." -Kiss-

3 Minutes Later.

"But it's soooo hard kissing it without embracing it...No! I can't go back on this path. But how do I stop this? ...I guess I should replace one addiction with another. Yeah, that's a good idea."

1st Addiction: Snacking

"Who needs the Master Emerald when I have chips to snack on. Mmm, so good."

5 Minutes Later.

"That bag of chips sure was tasty. Oh well, I guess I'll go back to licking the Master Emerald. No! MORE SNACKS."

3 Days of Problematic Eating Later.

"Oh, my favorite show is about to come on. But it's just _so_ much work getting to the TV. I'll eat a cupcake on the way."

-Knuckles turns on the TV-

"I can't watch without eating." -Knuckles gets out a bag of chips-

2 Minutes Later.

"My chips are gone, and I still have 28 Minutes of program left. Good thing I kept donuts nearby."

1 Minutes Later.

"Donuts gone and show's still on. Candy."

.30 Seconds Later.

"What? Candy's gone already? Time for chocolate."

.001 Seconds Later.

"So much program left and no food. Why is this happening to me!? ...I need to go to the bathroom now, but for some reason, I don't have to energy to. I'll just go right where I'm sitting.

1 Week Later.

"It's just so hard to go to sleep without eating." -eats-

In the middle of sleep: "It's just so hard to keep sleeping without eating cookies." -Knuckles sleep eats cookies-

Sometime after all these events.

"I'm fat, how did this happen? And why is the ice cream truck 2 feet away. Does he think I can run?"

2nd Addiction: Online Shopping

"Okay, I finally have my ebay account! Now, let's see...what to look for? Oh, I've always wanted a cape. I guess I'd need a special hat to go with it. And some tinsel. It's just all so cheap, I want to get it all!"

-The Shipment Arrives-

"Why are half of these items burnt? And why is my cape a piece of red paper that has 'sucker' written on it?"

The Next Day.

"Oh boy, I finally have my Amazon account. Oh, I want to buy this and that, and maybe some of that. Okay, order placed."

1 Week Later.

"WHY ISN'T MY SHIPMENT HERE YET?!"

The Next Day.

"I finally got my random internet store account. 'Pay by Paypal,' huh? Okay."

The Next Month.

Why isn't my item here yet?! I'll return to the website again. -server not found, sucker-

"I finally have no money."

3rd Addiction: Television

"Have to pee, but the rerun of my 4th favorite show is on. I'll hold it 'til the commercial."

-The commercial comes on-

"Good, commercial is on, but what if I miss a special preview/alert of a new episode? Keep holding it 'til Paid Programing comes on 5 hours from now..."

4th Addiction: Street Fighting

"You want a piece of me?! Come on." -punch- "Like I'm going to believe your scarf blew in front of me on accident 'by the wind.' Freakin' Grandma, you had this comin'."

-- End Game

"I used to be a fit echidna with money and a working bladder," Knuckles said while looking in the mirror. "Where have the years gone. ...Oh wait, it's only been a month. I tried fixing the problem myself, and all this happened. Okay, I'm ready to go to Jesus now," Knuckles said, eating snacks and punching his way to the church.

Step Three Complete.


	14. OT: Trading Spouses

"Hello, and welcome to a very special Trading Spouses," said the host. "Today we're here with an interesting animal bunch. Each family is awarded 50,000 dollars with the requirement that the guest wife decides how her host family must spend the money."

Household A – A Cardboard Box

"Amy! Why are we here?" said a confused Sonic.

"I wanted us to get to spend time together as _Husband and Wife_!" declared Amy.

"Um, you realize that you have to _trade_ husbands, so you won't get to spend time with him, right?" asked the host.

"I still get him now!" smiled Amy.

"We're not even married though!" shouted Sonic.

"I do! I do, Sonikku!"

"I wasn't proposing!"

"STOP SHOUTING!!" yelled the host.

Household B – Club Rouge

"Shadow, I signed us up for some Trading Spouses thing," stated Rouge.

"You're not my spouse," said Shadow.

"Yes, but we get 50,000 spent on us, and this club has needed to buy some comfy chairs for a while."

"Why don't you cash in some of those jewels you have to pay for them?"

"Then how would I take my jewel baths?"

The Trade

"Hi, Shadow," Amy said, walking into Club Rouge.

"Whatever," Shadow said as he went back to reading his newspaper.

--

"Hello, Sonic," said Rouge when she entered the house. "Just why is our house a cardboard box?"

"We needed to have a 'household' for this show, so Amy apparently rented a household from a hobo," Sonic said dryly, accidentally stepping on a cockroach. "She said she couldn't afford to use much of her Sonic-Amy Dream Cottage Fund on a rental house."

Cooking

"I guess I'll go make dinner," smiled Amy.

A fire is started.

"How about you don't make dinner," Shadow said while putting out of the kitchen fire. "I'll make it."

After dinner is prepared _by Shadow_.

"Tastes great, Shadow! But looks horrible. I give it a C."

"Just why are you grading me? This isn't a cooking channel!"

"C- for the attitude problem."

--

"I've made a delicious meal with exquisite meats and the finest ingredients," Rouge said with confidence.

"Oh Boy!" yelled Sonic.

"...for me," completed Rouge. "Your dinner was made from the scraps leftover."

Sonic looked at his plate to see scraps of fat and a weird colored liquid coming out of said fat. "I think I'll just stick with the cockroach I stepped on earlier."

Family Activities

"Let's go shopping!" Amy said with enthusiasm.

"For guns!" continued Shadow.

--

Notes left in the house:

"Hey, Rouge, I'm going Adventuring. Be Back Later!"

"Hey, Sonic, I'm going Treasure Hunting. Be Back Later!"

Heartfelt Talks

"Shadow, the police called saying that you're the main suspect in an insurance building's destruction. I just don't want to believe this. Sonic would never..."

"Sonic. Sonic. Sonic. I'm not Sonic, Okay?!"

"I'm glad you can see your problem."

"Grr..."

--

"Got any jewels?" asked Rouge.

"Nope," said Sonic.

Sharing Lifestyles

"Okay, Shadow, how about we bake a cake for Sonikku?"

"Sure, with knives added for extra flavor. Happy Birthday, _Sonikku_."

"Did you say something?"

"Nope, I was just getting the ingredients ready."

--

"Wow, Rouge, adventuring for treasure sure is fun."

"And I never knew how many random treasures are found while adventuring."

What We've Learned From Each Other's Company

"I've learned that even people like Shadow are normal people too. Just mean, angry people."

"And I've learned that the pink hedgehog always following Sonic around is named Amy."

--

"I've learned that Rouge is really stingy," Sonic said with cockroach pieces in his teeth.

"I've learned that Sonic's obliviousness and worldwide credibility makes him the perfect decoy when the police come." Rouge looked at the large diamond on her new necklace.

Back to Normal

"Hi, Sonikku!" Amy said, entering the cardboard house. "Did you miss me?"

"Um...yes?" said Sonic.

"You're so sweet, Sonikku!" Amy said cheerily. "I wonder what Rouge designated the money to? Hopefully towards me and Sonic getting a new house." Amy started to read the money placement letter:

_The Sonic and Amy household will spend their money towards Rouge's Paypal account._

_From Rouge with love.  
_

"WHAT?!" Amy said with anger, ripping the paper in half.

"Frankly, I'm not surprised," said Sonic.

--

"Shadow, I'm back!" Rouge said as she entered Club Rouge.

"Whatever," Shadow said as he went back to reading his newspaper.

"Time to collect my harvest," Rouge said with enthusiasm. She grabbed the money placement letter and read:

_The Shadow and Rouge household will spend their money towards an exorcist. Being that the chairs there are so uncomfortable that the place MUST be haunted. Oh, and some pants for Shadow._

_Amy Rose._

"Money for an exorcist!?" yelled an enraged Rouge. "How can this woman be so...-sigh- I need a jewel bath."

"I don't like pants," said Shadow.

"I don't like uncomfortable chairs!" yelled a Club Rouge customer.


	15. Step Four

We will get Knuckles to see himself for who he really is with and without the Emerald.

**4th Session: Goal - Made a Treasure Hunt and fearless Inventory of ourselves.**

"Okay, Knuckles," said the Director. "In this meeting, you will describe yourself as you really are. Your friends are here to to correct you, wherever they see necessary, with your self-evaluations. I've given them buzzers to chime in. Begin, Knuckles."

"Hi, I'm Knuckles the Echidna, and before I met the Master Emerald, I was on a path of destruction..."

-Buzz by Tails- "You're taking this in the wrong direction, Knuckles," Tails interrupted.

"Oh sorry, old habits. Just replace 'the Master Emerald' with 'Christ'. Anyways, I'm normally a nice guy."

-Buzz by Cream- "You punched me when I got close to the Master Emerald, Mr. Knuckles," cried Cream.

"You were about to touch it!!! ...Anyhow, I usually help out my friends when they're in trouble because of my kindness."

-Buzz by Sonic- "Only when it coincides with your emerald rescues. You wouldn't carry me to the hospital when I broke my leg on the street because 'the Master Emerald wasn't involved.' On the other hand, you carried me to the hospital when I broke my leg in front of the Emerald Shrine because 'I'd block your way to the Master Emerald in an emergency.'"

Knuckles tried to recover, "...and I _try_ to treat everyone right."

-Buzz by Amy- "Knuckles, what's the point of doing all of this if you're just going to lie to everyone and yourself again?"

("My pride is taking a nosedive. Time to take this self-evaluation in a new direction,") deviously thought Knuckles. "Before I started guarding the Master Emerald, I was a good person. And since none of you have seen me before I started guarding it, you can't object to that statement. Hahaha."

-Buzz by Tikal- "I can object to it, being as I've been keeping watch of the whole island from inside the Master Emerald, before I was released from it in Sonic Adventure," said Tikal, as her spirit descended into the room.

"FINE FINE FINE! I'm Knuckles the Echidna and I'm an angry, violent, and selfish echidna."

"Good Job, Knuckles," said Tails. "The first step to getting real dignity is breaking down the fake dignity. You angry, angry echidna."

"Pfft, I bet Knuckles made up the word 'echidna' just to make himself look better," mumbled Sonic.

"Your name is Knuckles?" said Shadow.

--

"Now Knuckles," started the Director, "tell us how the Master Emerald changes you."

"Well," said Knuckles, "it makes me feel good everywhere."

"And the problems it causes others around you?"

"Well, it makes them happy for me..."

-Buzz from everyone-

"**WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE BE HAPPY FOR ME!!!?!!?!?**" Knuckles went on a rampage.

"Oh no, he's relapsing!!!" screamed Amy.

"Quick, somebody calm him down," yelled Tails, while Knuckles was destroying the area in a blind rage.

Shadow looked in his hands at two objects: a rifle and a tranquilizer.

Advertisement: _In Shadow the Hedgehog, Which path will you choose?_

"Shadow, stop advertising for your crappy game and hurry up!" screamed Sonic. "Cream is huddling in the corner and about to be feasted upon!"

-Gunshot-

Hours later at the hospital.

"...I _thought_ you'd use the tranquilizer, Shadow," sighed Sonic.

--

And that was what happened in a parallel Universe, which has nothing to do with this Universe's happenings. ...but it's always good to know what's going on, right?

-- Back to our Universe's story.

"Now Knuckles," started the Director, "tell us how the Master Emerald changes you."

"Well," said Knuckles, "I start going insane."

"And the problems it causes for others around you?"

"Well, it makes them really sad, and I hurt them whenever the Master Emerald is involved."

"Ain't that the truth," everyone said simultaneously.

Knuckles continued, "The Master Emerald gives me self-esteem, and yet, at the end of the day, I always hurt somebody because of it. I just...it just made me feel good, okay? The Master Emerald made me feel like I had some good qualities."

-Buzz from Tails- "There there, Knuckles. You have good qualities that the rest of as can see. You're strong, you have dreadlocks, and...you're red."

"Other than being strong, those aren't good qualities," replied Knuckles.

"but that's why you're getting rid of this addiction, Mr. Knuckles," smiled Cream, "so you can get some good qualities."

"And so you can go out with me," added Rouge.

"Well guys," continued Knuckles, "I..."

-Tranquilizer-

Knuckles fell to the ground.

"Shadow, what'd you do that for?!" screamed Tails.

"He already finished his goal, and you guys were probably going to _keep_ talking. TALK TALK TALK, Shut up."

Step Four Complete.


	16. OT: Amy's Cooking Show

"Hello, everyone, and welcome to Amy's Cooking! Today will be a dish contest judged by me, Amy Rose. The winner with the best dish will receive a Culinary Arts degree and 100,000 dollars."

First Contestant - Rouge the Bat

"Hello," said Rouge, bringing a lovely cake onto the floor. "I made this cake with the finest ingredients and..."

Amy interrupted, "There was a moment in SA2 where you were talking to Sonic and Knuckles while I wasn't there. Did you try anything, _bat_?"

"I _tried_ telling them that the ARK was crashing down."

"So you tried to hit on Sonic while he was down? Is that what you're trying to say?! Women like you disgust me."

"What?"

"Security, escort Ms. Rouge off the premises."

"What are you doing! Don't you know who I am?!" Rouge complained, being hauled off the stage.

-The audience clapped-

-- In the broadcasting room

"I knew it was a great idea to give some crazed, bi-polar girl a cooking show. The ratings are up up up!" laughed the Broadcasting Director.

-- Back on stage

Second Contestant - Dr. Eggman

"I've created the tastiest burger known to mankind!" Eggman shouted, entering the stage with a crumb-filled plate.

"...Where is it?" asked Amy.

"I ate it on the way up here, but I assure you that the crumbs alone will rock your tastebuds," Eggman said, devouring all the crumbs on the plate.

"...and I'm supposed to grade you _how_ now?" sighed Amy.

"how now brown cow."

"Security!"

Third Contestant - Cream the Rabbit

"Hi, Amy!" Cream sweetly said, bringing a blue blob of mass onto the stage. "I made this dish out of tofu...I think."

"It's...interesting," Amy managed to squeeze out from her mouth. Slowly, Amy processed the color of the dish. "But wait, it's blue like Sonic! You get an A!"

"Yay!" yelled Cream.

Fourth Contestant - Shadow the Hedgehog

"I think I have an idea of how this works," Shadow said, bringing a fried boot onto the stage. "I call this dish 'Sonic is great,'" Shadow said, rolling his eyes.

"A PLUS!" shouted Amy. "You win!"

"I still have to urge to shoot everybody," said Shadow.

-- In the broadcasting room

"Okay, Broadcasting Director, we've finished recording this first episode," said the Broadcasting Crew Member.

"Good," replied the Broadcasting Director, "now make sure to digitally edit knives into every character's hand when we release this show's uncut DVD. That's _edgy_."


	17. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting C

"Okay guys, it's time to update the character descriptions again, which will be pretty difficult considering I pretty much forgot about any character other than Sonic," said the Head Director. "Are there any characters that need their description changed?"

Crew Member A raised his hand. "I have a question. Who are those two people always following Sonic around?"

"I don't know who you're talking about," said the puzzled Head Director.

"You know, there's a red one and a brown one," continued Crew Member A.

"Oh yeah...I vaguely know their names, Telia and Nami, I think," said the Head Director.

"The papers say they are called 'Tails' and 'Knuckles,'" said Crew Member B.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about them. We'll rename them 'the tag-along-sonic-guys' and put 'follows sonic around' under their description."

"Amy needs an update as well," said Crew Member C.

"What's Amy do again?" asked the Head Director.

"She follows Sonic around," replied Crew Member C.

"We already have 2 kinds of those people in the cast. Kill her off."

"Shadow needs an update," suggested Crew Member D, "seeing as he's no longer an anti-hero type anymore."

"Then what is he now?" asked the Head Director.

"He's hero type but more nonchalant about it than Sonic. He shoots things too."

"Woah, how did something like that get into Sonic games? Anywho, this character confuses me. Just put 'moody' under his description," commanded the Head Director.

"Also there's the bat girl to update," spoke Crew Member E.

"Right, the bat girl. ...who's the bat girl again?"

"Actually, I forgot as well. I think she's the moody guy's girlfriend or sister. I don't really know or care."

"Crew Member B, what do the papers say about the bat girl?"

"They say she's a spy."

"What does a game about a fast hedgehog need a spy for? Kill her off. Okay guys, that'll be all for this meeting," finished the Head Director.

Crew Member F stood up. "Doesn't anyone else think it's pretty bad that we can't consistently keep character's roles intact? It's like we're forgetting who they are just to throw them in the next game."

"Hey, you watch your tongue, F!" snapped the Head Director. "We care about them in their debut game. Nobody said we had to keep caring about them once they come into the regular cast."

"Well I just thought..."

"...Thought the Hedgehog? You're a genius, F! Put that character in the next Sonic game."


	18. OT: Dr Phil

"Today's guest is an echidna with some friends he calls, 'out of whack.' Please welcome, recovering emerald obsession addict, Knuckles the Echidna."

Knuckles walked out onto the stage and sat down. "Hello, Dr. Phil. I'm here today not for me but for my friends. They all have various problems, which I noticed when they were helping me with my recovery."

"Okay, Knuckles, we've called all of them backstage, and we're going to deal with each of them, one by one," Dr. Phil said while pulling out a baseball bat.

"I was thinking you could deal with their problems the _talkshow_ way."

"Oh, sure," Dr. Phil put away the bat. "The first friend is 'Sonic the Hedgehog.'"

Sonic ran out onto the stage. "Hi, Knuckles, what's up?"

"Dr. Phil, this man is a problematic thrill seeker."

"What!?" screamed Sonic.

"He constantly goes around trying to squeeze fun out of situations as dire as saving the world from destruction. Like when he's trying to stop Eggman from taking over the world, he'll always go the long route to get to Eggman's home base; instead of just directly going to it, he'll go to 6 completely irrelevant stages and fight 6 unnecessary bosses."

"Heh. Yep, that's about right," said Sonic.

"'Heh.' Heh? What's so funny about people dying because you want to savor every moment of Eggman's uprisings?" shouted Knuckles.

"Cmon, Knuckles, I enjoy putting the world in peril," remarked Sonic. "Whoops, I meant, 'I do not.' I definitely do not enjoy putting the world in peril."

"Nobody directly said you _were_ putting the world in peril," stated Dr. Phil.

"Oh, um, that's cus I'm not."

"Well, we've set up some cameras across the Sonic Universe," announced Dr. Phil. "Let's roll the tape."

-- Camera

"C'mon, Eggman. Just try to take over the world one more time," pleaded Sonic.

"Sonic, I'll be frank with you," said Eggman. "I don't really feel like it anymore. I've gone to a therapist, and I've learned to just knit when I get those urges to take over the world."

"What did ya say, Fatty? Fatty fatty."

"Name calling won't provoke me."

"Ugly fat blob steak."

"Now really, Sonic. Why can't you just leave me in peace? I'm on my 4th sweater."

"Well it looks ugly."

"I'm going to kill you and take over this world, you blasted hedgehog!"

"YES! I'll leave a Chaos Emerald here to power your new robot. Make sure it's the latest and greatest!"

--

"What do you have to say for yourself, Sonic?" asked Dr. Phil.

"That wasn't me. It was Shadow."

-Gunshot-

"Fine, it was me," admitted Sonic, while now holding his bloody arm, "but you don't know how hard it is being the fastest thing alive when there's nothing going on. After I save the world, what else is there to do for me? Go to the mall _to the extreeeeme_? That doesn't get my heart racing with excitement."

"Sonic, your problem is you try to live _your whole life_ on the edge," explained Dr. Phil. "You have to be able to sit back and do something calming every now and then. For one, you'll live longer, and two, you'll be able to enjoy those _naturally occurring_ save-the-world missions twice as much. So no more starting apocalyptic events, okay?"

"But then, what else could I do?"

"Well..."

-- Later at the Knitting Club

"So, um, Eggman...that's a nice sweater," said Sonic.

Eggman teared up. "Oh Sonic, that's all I ever really wanted."

-Then a sweater of joy was woven-

--

"Our next guest is a two-tailed fox," Dr. Phil announced. "Please welcome to the stage, Miles 'Tails' Prower."

"Hello, Dr. Phil and Knuckles," said Tails.

"Dr. Phil, this fox is a nerd," spouted Knuckles.

"Um, okay," replied Dr. Phil.

"Okay, now work your magic," said Knuckles.

"Knuckles, being a nerd isn't a problem," stated Dr. Phil.

"I'm not following you, Dr. Phil," said a confused Knuckles.

"I think it'd just be better if we went to the next guest," said Dr. Phil.

"But if we don't treat Tails now, he'll explode!"

"What? Where in the world did you learn that?" questioned Dr. Phil.

"On Angel Island."

"By who?"

"Either by me or the Master Emerald. I had to teach myself of the outside world."

"I'm gonna have a talk with you after the show, but for now, just know that Tails will not explode. Now our next guest is a female spy. Please welcome, Rouge the Bat."

"Hi, Knuckles honey," Rouge said as she glided onto the stage.

"Dr. Phil, this woman loves jewels too much. She's a jewelaholic, and I know because previous emeraldholics can detect jewelaholics."

"So what if I love jewels? Do you have any, Dr. Phil?"

"Sure," replied Dr. Phil.

-Rouge pulled out a knife-

"I see what you mean, Knuckles," said Dr. Phil, who warned the Security Guards to be on alert. "Ms. Rouge, I don't really have any jewels."

"Then why are we talking?"

"What's so enchanting about jewels?"

"Their shape, their color, their glisten, and most importantly, I'm a jewel myself, so it's only natural that I love jewels."

"Would you say there's a such thing as loving jewels too much?" asked Dr. Phil.

"Absolutely not. I even take jewel baths and became a government spy just to get closer to more jewels."

"Knuckles, this woman is beyond help," stated Dr. Phil.

"Rouge, I thought you said you wanted me," said Knuckles.

"What's your point?" said Rouge.

"You'll have to choose between me or jewels," baited Knuckles.

-Rouge pulled out a jewel and put it in Knuckles's hand-

"Okay then," Rouge said and pulled out a bigger knife than before. "I'll just stab and destroy the one chosen second. ...but Knuckles, do you want to take that chance?" Rouge said persuasively.

Knuckles quickly threw the jewel on the ground. "Dr. Phil, you're right, this woman is beyond help."

"Smart move, Knuckles, you were about to get knifed," commented Rouge as she picked up her thrown jewel.

"Let's bring out our next guest," said Dr. Phil, "Amy Rose."

"Hello, everyone," cheerfully smiled Amy.

"Dr. Phil, this woman suffers from bi-polarity and fanaticalness."

"What did you say?" asked Amy as she continued to smile and tried to maintain her composure.

"She _claims_ Sonic as her own," continued Knuckles. "She goes as far as fighting with pretty much any girl that talks to him as well. This girl can easily snap whenever she doesn't get her way. What makes everything worse is the fact that the police still let her carry around a hammer."

"Hammer?" asked a puzzled Dr. Phil.

"Yes, a hammer. She attacks people with a big hammer whenever she gets rubbed the wrong way. All of her friends fear her and are afraid to oppose her for she will summon the hammer that only a maniac can wield."

"Well, Knuckles," Amy said as she continued to smile. "I hope you had a good life, because I'm about to end it."

Soon after that, Knuckles was almost dead when...

"Woah, hold up there, Amy. This is not the way to work things out," jumped in Dr. Phil.

"He was the one who made up lies about me and Sonikku," frowned Amy.

"Well, what was untrue about everything he said?"

"I'm not bi-polar."

"You just beat Knuckles within an inch of death on a whim."

"Only because he lied about me and Sonikku."

"So you're saying that you and Sonic are together?"

"Yes."

"With his consent?"

"Of course."

"So he actually acknowledges you as his girlfriend?"

"Yep."

"We have a phone call coming in on the matter, let's hear it."

Phone: "That girl is not my girlfriend and never will be!" yelled Sonic.

"Oh Sonic, he's just shy and doesn't want to admit it in front of other people," smiled Amy.

"Well, we have some footage, let's check it out."

-- Camera

"Sonic, when are we finally going to get married?" Amy said dreamily.

"Oh no, it's Amy! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Sonic yelled as he ran away.

--

"Yep, he was scared with joy," Amy said with an even bigger smile, filled with more happiness thinking about Sonic.

"Scared _with_ _joy_? ...Knuckles, this woman is also beyond help," stated Dr. Phil.

"It's okay, the time you spent talking with her let me rest enough to get out of 'almost dead' status to 'kinda dead' range."

"Our next guest," continued Dr. Phil, "is a hedgehog by the name of 'Shadow the Hedgehog.'"

Shadow walked out onto the stage. "Hmph."

"Dr. Phil, this man is too uncaring," said Knuckles.

"I've saved and helped save the world numerous times," replied Shadow.

"Oh yeah, well you don't seem happy doin' it."

"All that matters is the world gets saved."

"He doesn't seem uncaring to me, Knuckles," said Dr. Phil.

"Oh yeah, well...Dr. Phil, he called me useless!" whined Knuckles.

"What's the last useful thing you've done in a Sonic game?" questioned Shadow.

"Well, in Sonic Rush, I broke a rock that was blocking Sonic and Blaze's path."

"Weren't they with Tails and Cream: Flying characters who could have easily flown them over the rock anyway?" teased Shadow.

"Arrgh!!" screamed Knuckles in anger as he punched a hole in the stage wall.

"Quick!! Somebody walk through that hole so Knuckles can feel important again!" laughed Shadow. "Oh, Knuckles, what would Sonic games do without your incredible skills? Hahaha."

"Well, most of the so called 'problem removals' were a failure," stated Dr. Phil, "but at least we helped Sonic out."

-News Flash-

"It seems Dr. Eggman is trying to overtake the world yet again. This time, his home base being at a local knitting club. Sonic the Hedgehog was seen running at least 6 towns away to start his adventure to save the planet."


	19. OT: Dr Phil Villains Edition

"Hello, and welcome back to Dr. Phil. Last time we were here with Knuckles the Echidna, and now he's back. Hello, Knuckles."

"Hi, Dr. Phil. I've come again to help more people," explained Knuckles.

"Are these people more _helpable_ than the last set?" questioned Dr. Phil.

"I dunno. They all creep me out though."

"Let's welcome our first guest, _the Emerald Master!_" announced Dr. Phil as a strange man walked out on stage.

"Dr. Phil, this man keeps wanting the Master Emerald, as well as the world's emeralds for his own gain," stated Knuckles.

"I want to destroy this world or control it," stated _the Emerald Master!_ "I don't really know which, but I'll do either or with the power of the Master Emerald. I want all of the world's emeralds too, I guess. Ya know, really, I never planned out everything I wanted to do with all those emeralds I want. Can we start over?"

"Sure," replied Dr. Phil.

"I am _the Emerald Master!_ and I want to take over the world and control its emeralds and/or destroy the world and take its emeralds to another planet where I will reside as _the Emerald King!_"

"Now, Mr. _the Emerald Master!_" started Dr. Phil, "what is the cause of your fixation with emeralds?"

"When I was little, my dad was an unhappy coal miner. He always hoped to strike it rich and hit precious jewels in each of his digging sessions. Every time he came home, he was depressed and asked me 'got any emeralds?' I'd always tell him no, because I was only a track star, where would I find gems on the track? ...Every time I told him no, he would beat me, _savagely_. After a while I decided I might as well get emeralds so my father can stop beating me, and that's how my lifestyle came to be."

"Aren't you about 30 years old? Why are you still worrying about your Dad?" asked Dr. Phil.

"Because I live with him."

"...why?"

"I spend all of my time hunting for emeralds and trying to get the Master Emerald, so I don't have enough money to move out. _Until I strike it rich and get the emeralds of the world!_"

"Alright, now I'm gonna tell you what your problem is: Move Out Of Your Father's House."

"What does that have to do with emeralds?"

"Nothing, which is the whole point to you moving out."

"How would I get money?"

"By getting a real job that doesn't have anything to do with emeralds."

"But then I'd have to change my name, and what would sound as cool as _the Emerald Master!_?"

"How about learning chess and becoming _the Chess Master!_"

_The Emerald Master!_ broke down crying. "Oh, Dr. Phil, you've changed my life!"

"Then why are you trying to strangle me?" said a gasping-for-air Knuckles.

"My new, non-emerald lifestyle comes in affect once I learn chess, so I still have room to kill you now and take your emerald. Beware my power!"

After security came.

"The next guest is a giant, bitter, mutant lizard. Please welcome, the Biolizard," said Dr. Phil.

Despite its size, the Biolizard somehow made it to the stage.

"Dr. Phil," said Knuckles, "this lizard has a horrible grudge against me and blames me for all of its problems from past to present."

"If it wasn't for you and that emerald, I would have found love!" said the Biolizard with spite.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to emotionally hurt you," stated Knuckles.

"Dr. Phil, you see this, don't you!" cried the Biolizard. "He's so mean to me, and I really want him to suffer."

"What's mean about what he said?" asked Dr. Phil.

"I'LL SUICIDE BOMB THIS PLANET," roared the Biolizard.

"You're quite the violent one."

"It's because of that Knuckles and his emerald."

"Is it fair to blame him for everything that goes wrong in your life?"

"I don't understand where you're going with this."

"I'm saying, if you didn't sleep well one night, is it Knuckles's fault?

"So that's the reason I didn't sleep well that night! Knuckles, I shall destroy you!...with words!"

Hours later.

"and you probably are mean to your mother, and I just don't understand why you're so mean to me, and do you know what I've been through in my life! I just don't know what's wrong with your hands they're all pointy at the end you should get those checked out, and you should suffer because you're you."

"What'd ya say?" asked Knuckles. "I took a nap some hours ago."

"Arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh!" The Biolizard ran outside.

"I was going to diagnose its problem, but I guess I can't now," stated Dr. Phil. "Our next guest is called 'Dr. Eggman,' who is beyond help, and we all know it."

"What are you saying, Dr. Phil?" asked Eggman.

"I'm saying that I found out about your various problems the last time you were here. So unless _you_ want to change, then get out."

"but I do want to change, Dr. Phil!" cried Eggman.

"What do you want to change?"

"I want to...**rule your show!**" Eggman said as robots appeared and locked up Dr. Phil in a cage. "I will now be in charge of this show," declared Eggman.

"Your behavior is outrageous," yelled Dr. Phil from the cage at Eggman.

("Hmm, I wonder if I should do something about this?") thought Knuckles, continuing to sit.

"Our next guest," started Dr. Eggman, "is a robot chao thingy called Omochao."

"Dr. Phil," started Knuckles, "...or Dr. Eggman, I guess. Omochao dislikes me and dislikes emeralds as well. Besides that, he's had his own spin-off game before me."

"I don't like emeralds, and I don't like you, Knuckles," said Omochao.

"Your problem is that you need a giant robot that can be destroyed simply by a hedgehog jumping on it," said Dr. Eggman.

"Ignoring Dr. Eggman...Omochao, why don't you like emeralds or Knuckles?" asked Dr. Phil from the cage.

"More importantly, why don't you like me? what have I done!" jumped in Knuckles.

"I don't like Knuckles _because_ he has an emerald," said Omochao.

"Why don't you like emeralds?" asked Dr. Phil.

"Jiggle the controller to find out."

"Um..Jiggle jiggle," said Dr. Phil, hoping that's what was required for an explanation.

"Very good. I don't like emeralds because when I was little..."

"Oh boy, another one," mumbled Knuckles.

"...my mother had an ice cream shop that me and her ran. I loved ice cream down to every flavor and hoped one day to become an ice cream man and hog all of the kids' ice cream to myself, but my dream didn't come to be.

One day, there was a strange, new flavored ice cream that appeared mysteriously in the ice cream freezer called 'Emerald Ripple.' I wondered where this ice cream came from, but I was really hungry at the time, so I ate it. It was really crunchy..._because it was full of real emerald pieces!_ My mouth was soon devastated, and I couldn't eat ice cream for weeks.

Soon after the incident, my mother was nowhere to be found. It seems she took the bucket of Emerald Ripple and headed to Vegas. I dove into depression and started developing a hatred for emeralds in my free time.

Thus, why I hate emeralds," finished Omochao.

"So what are you actually? A cyborg chao?" asked Knuckles.

("So my Emerald Ripple invention did cause some chaos after all. Go Evil!") thought Dr. Eggman.

"So, Omochao, have you even once tried to find your mother?" asked Dr. Phil.

"First you must press the B button."

"B," said Dr. Phil.

"No, I did not try to. I was too busy brooding. Which is how I developed my dark side and gained immense power."

"And you're spending that power being an 3rd-rate instructor because...?" asked Knuckles.

"Because of my dark past," claimed Omochao.

"...I see?" falsely claimed Knuckles.

("Immense power, eh?") thought Eggman. "Omochao, join forces with me, Dr. Eggman, and we'll take over this world, together!"

"Now try pressing the A button in midair," said Omochao.

Eggman proceeded to jump and while in the midair said, "A."

"I've already had my own spin-off game. You missed your chance there."

"Hey Eggman," butted in Knuckles, "when I have my spin-off game, I may consider your offer."

"What can you do that would benefit me?" questioned Eggman. "Break stuff like rocks? Hahaha."

Shadow appeared. "Hahaha, yeah, that's about all he's good for."

"Somebody press the B button, quick!" rushed Omochao.

"B," said Shadow.

"Hahaha," laughed Omochao.

"Okay okay, that's enough laughter at Knuckles," said Dr. Phil. "We're here to change Omochao."

"Move the Nintendo Wiimote up and down," said Omochao.

"I don't have a Nintendo Wiimote," said Dr. Phil.

"Then it's time to blow this place up," announced Omochao.

"Security!" yelled Dr. Phil.

Fortunately, Omochao was thrown out of the studio just in time to blow up on innocent pedestrians.

"So," said Dr. Phil, "we didn't get anywhere on the show today."

"I found it odd that security didn't do anything about you being locked in a cage," commented Knuckles.

"We're going to eat Dr. Phil now, right?" asked Eggman.


	20. Step Five

"Okay," said the Director, "since you passed step four with 'minor help.' Minor help meaning, even though you needed friends to help you with _your own_ 'fearless moral inventory' _of_ _yourself_ which was cheating..."

"I passed though," stated Knuckles.

"Yes," continued the Director, "then let's tackle Step Five."

"I can do it!" said Knuckles with confidence.

"This session will be with just you and me."

"Phew, that's a relief."

**Session 5 - Goal: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our emeralds...I mean, wrongs.**

"Now, Knuckles, first you must admit to God, the nature of your wrongs," said the Director.

"That's gonna be weird...seeing as he doesn't have a solid form to talk to. How would I do that?"

"Well, you can talk out loud to him," suggested the Director.

"That'd be weird."

"Okay, you can think words to him."

("Hmm, do I remember how to think?") thought Knuckles. "No, any other ways?"

"Well, how about writing a letter to him?"

"Sounds good," said Knuckles. He started writing:

_Dear God,_

_I noticed Sonic Team has given me a pay cut recently...in favor of giving my cut money to the quote "more needed characters" unquote. God, please don't let me get kicked out of new Sonic games._

The Director looked at the letter. "Um, that's not the kind of letter you need to be writing to God right now. More admittance and more talk of repentance."

"Oh, I get what you're saying," said Knuckles. He started on a new letter:

_Dear God,_

_And Sonic isn't more interesting than me, yet he keeps getting money from **my** paychecks. I humbly ask you to admit sonic to the hospital OR give me divine right to smite him as I repent._

The Director sighed. "Let me start it..."

Dear God,

I want you to forgive me for... _not killing Sonic when I had the urge to, the other day. I felt like doing it but told myself it wasn't what you wanted. I know now that you looked into the future at this moment and were telling me then that it would have been okay._

"NO KILLINGS IN GOD LETTER!" exclaimed the Director.

"You really need to give better instructions," commented Knuckles as he started yet another letter:

_Dear God,_

_I guess accidental death is good too. That way my hands are not stained with hedgehog blood. Sayonara Sonic._

"I'm getting Reverend in here," mumbled the Director while he went to the phone.

Minutes Later.

"Now, Knuckles," said Reverend, "we don't talk to God about killing others. We talk to him about helping ourselves to sin less and talk about blessing other people who we even feel angry towards."

"Who are you to tell me how I should be talking to God?"

"If you don't listen to Reverend, then I'll just send you to prison for your God-based Sonic assault letters," said the Director.

"Fine."

"Okay then, if you understand, then make a letter to God in the 'good' way," said Reverend.

Knuckles started to write...

_Dear God,_

_Give me back my emerald._

The Director sighed. "You don't want your emerald back, remember? Is 'the damage you cause with it' ringing a bell?"

_Dear God,_

_Give me back my emerald without me causing damage with it._

"Knuckles, you've even killed people while under the influence of that emerald," said Reverend.

_Dear God,_

_Give me back my emerald without me causing damage with it and killing other people._

"You're not getting what I'm saying, Knuckles," stated Reverend. "Your bodily temptation is the Master Emerald. You cannot keep flirting with temptation and not expect to get burned by it again."

_Dear God,_

_Give me back my emerald with less people in the world to get killed._

"No, Knuckles," said Reverend.

_Dear God,_

_Give me back my emerald with no people in the world to get killed by me and M.E.'s love._

"Knuckles, we're going to take this slow," started Reverend. "What are the exact problems that arise when you use the Master Emerald?"

"I get a terrible rash."

"Other than that."

"The temptation to harm everything else that touches or even looks at the emerald."

"...which is wrong," finished Reverend.

"Which is wrong," repeated Knuckles.

"Okay, then if you get it: write about the wrongness."

_Dear God,_

_Emerald wrongness equals bad Knuckles._

"More in-depth than that," said Reverend.

"No no," interrupted the Director. "He might go back to killing Sonic statements if he tries to write more. I'll declare the first part of Step Five a success."

"Yay!" said Knuckles.

"I'm going to take the next part of this step in a different manner," said the Director as he and Reverend left the room. A stuffed toy bunny with a microphone inside its mouth was put in their place.

"Now," said the stuffed bunny, "the next part is you admitting to yourself the wickedness in your soul that developed from that emerald act."

"but the emerald _made_ me act bad, it wasn't _me_," defended Knuckles.

"_You_ were constantly going back to the emerald."

"but the emerald made me do it," cried Knuckles.

"A piece of jewelry can't make you do anything. You chose your lifestyle. Your addiction is caused by you not controlling your mind."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Don't make me punch you," yelled Knuckles.

"That's a bad thing, Knuckles...but if the Emerald isn't here, then who would be telling you to do a bad thing like that? Your fists?"

"I'm not understanding what you're saying, bunny."

"Sometimes when I pick up knives, I want to cut up everything in sight...but it's not my fault, it's the knife's fault. Even though the knife can't think for itself or make its own decisions."

"Well that goes without saying," replied Knuckles.

"NO! I was trying to make you realize that it can't be a knife's fault! It can't make choices like I can. It doesn't choose to cut up people; the user chooses to."

"YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!"

"I'm making plenty of sense."

"No, you're not."

Bunny sighed. "Fine, let's try this plan."

("What's he up to?") thought Knuckles.

"There are better characters than you out there."

"What did you say?"

"Someone like Tails wouldn't need me to repeat myself."

"...aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

A Knuckles rampage soon followed the aaaahhhh. After half of the room was destroyed and bunny was severely injured, bunny spoke up, "It wasn't my fault I said those things that got you mad, it was my mouth's fault."

"DUH. _You_ use it to talk."

"Exactly! Do you get it now?"

"Get what?"

"_I_ use my mouth to talk, because my mouth can't work by itself. Thus, saying the Master Emerald made you kill is false. IT WAS **YOU** WHO CHOSE TO DO THE BAD THINGS, NOT THE EMERALD."

"Oh, ya don't say?"

"Seriously, did you go to school?"

"Again, I had to learn of the outside world from the Master Emerald or myself. I did graduate with honors from Emerald Tech High though."

"Which will get you no decent career in the real world, anyway...so you admit that _you_ do bad things, and it's not the emerald's fault that you're addicted to it?"

"Oh, sure."

"Good, on to the next part of the step," bunny said then self-destructed, and the Director walked back in.

"Director, there was some demonic bunny in here a second ago, but I took care of it."

"The bunny was a prop with a self-destruction mechanism," stated the Director.

"Why'd you bring a prop in here?"

"I thought a toy bunny with a microphone instructing you would make things go smoother due to its cuddliness. ...I can see it didn't work," the Director said while observing the half-destroyed room and remains of cotton from the stuffed toy.

"And the self-destructing part was for...?"

"I like explosions."

"Are you sure you should be directing me with my recovery?" asked Knuckles.

"On to the next part!" the Director said, not caring to answer. "The next part is admitting to another human-being/animal-human-mutant-thing the exact nature of your wrongs."

"Okay, so I just do that with you?"

"Nope."

-Shadow walks in-

"What's Shadow doing here?!"

"I figured he'd be the perfect candidate to admit your shortcomings to."

"WHY would you pick somebody who constantly taunts me!?!?"

"Because you'll definitely have mastered this step once you can admit your shortcomings to that type of person," replied the Director.

"but you said it would be just you and me for this whole step!" screamed Knuckles.

"You weren't complaining when Reverend and the Bunny came in," said the Director.

"ARRRGHHHH!!!!!!"

"But how does that make you feel?" asked the Director.

"Um...bad?"

The Director was already gone.

"Okay, Knuckles," started Shadow, "admit to me the realizations of your pitiful self."

"No."

"Is it because you finally realize you're a weak loser?"

"I'm not a loser."

"Anyway, let's get your confession started," said Shadow.

"I guess we should,...I'm Knuckles the Echidna."

"Woah, you said your own name!! Good Job!"

Knuckles got a little irritated but continued, "and I am a ticking time bomb with the Master Emerald."

"and your face is ugly too," laughed Shadow.

"..A-And I go on rampages when I think about or touch the Master Emerald."

"I mean, why would anyone like you anyways? All you can do is get mad and hit things."

Knuckles took a deep breath. "When I'm with the Master Emerald, my mind goes crazy."

"Then what's it doing the rest of the day!" cackled Shadow.

"Okay, I've completed the step," Knuckles said refreshingly. "I'm leaving now."

"Wait, what about my insults?"

-Knuckles left the room-

"Knuckles? Knuckles! Please listen to my insults. Please, somebody let me degrade you," Shadow cried as he broke down into a fetal position.

The Director came back with a frown. "Oh boy, another patient."

Step Five Complete.


	21. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting D

"Okay, so it's time to reply to fan questions again. Sheesh, I don't like doing these," complained the Head Director.

_Letter 1_

When are you guys bringing Rotor into the games? His absence in the games is why you guys are doing so bad.

Response:

"Hahahaha."

_Letter 2_

I have a new character for you guys! It's a generic, lame, useless-after-the-first-game-it-appears-in character. Its name is 'Generic the Gerbil,' and it's just crappy enough to be a new character in your crappy, new sonic games. Sonic games sure are crappy.

Response:

"Generic the Gerbilis now copyrighted.

Good Day."

_Letter 3_

I've enjoyed Sonic games all my life, and I still keep lovin' them.

Response:

"Congratulations! Thanks for Playing."

_Letter 4_

SonicxShadow forever!

Response:

"Um, okay."

_Letter 5_

AmyxRouge for life!

Response:

"Sure...even though they hardly ever interact or anything..."

_Letter 6_

SonicxTails is canon.

Response:

"Stop sending these!!!!!!"

_Letter 7_

does sonic live on mobius or earth?

Response:

"What's mobius?"

_Letter 8_

what is sonic anyway?

Response:

"Honestly, I've forgotten over the years. I think he's a chipmunk judging by his nose though."

_Letter 9_

why don't you give us some decent responses?

Response:

"Did you know my wife left me last night? Why don't you give her back, huh? You can't, because you're too busy writing silly, little, hate letters about Sonic and Tails getting together and other garbage that a sane person can't reply to. Somebody make Cindy return!"

_Letter 10_

I understand the work a director has to go through. I'm sure you're a great man in real life, Mr. Head Director. I love you very much, and your series has brightened my life no matter what anyone says about the current games.

Response:

"That was so beautiful," said the touched Head Director.

Crew Member Q walked in. "I've filed some reports about...hey, why's that letter have the return address to yourself?"

"I want some good letters every now and then, ya know."

"um, but writing one to yourself?..."

"You're fired."

"I know where Cindy fled to."

"You're hired."


	22. OT: Court

**Case #1 - Shadow vs. Knuckles**

"Your honor," said Knuckles, "Shadow has been verbally harassing me for ages. Even when I was undergoing therapy, Shadow did not stop his torment of me."

"Weak imbecile," replied Shadow.

"And I suppose you're strong, right?"

"Much stronger than you'll ever be."

"Yeah right, everyone knows I'm the most physically strong."

"Yet mentally is a different story."

"At least I'm more creative than you. You Super Sonic recolor."

"People are about to like me more than Sonic, so my origins won't matter. Whereas you are about to sink into obscurity."

"Pfft, people like me way more than you."

"Let's check," said the Judge, while pulling out a laptop.

After the internet poll.

"Where's Knuckles?" asked the Judge.

"Sunk into obscurity," smirked Shadow.

**Case #2 – Rouge vs. Local Department Store**

"So I was walking past the ceiling fan section," started Rouge, "and this fan was blowing at a moderate speed. I couldn't avoid it because I had to get to the section beside it. I gathered all of my strength and crossed the deadly assassin known as F.A.N., but before I knew it, I got a cold from its deadly breeze. Wal-Mart plagued me with a sickness, and they shall pay me in jewelry for the damages."

The clerk looked at Rouge, "Er...we keep the test ceiling fan on so customers can see and feel how it works in action. If you didn't want to feel the breeze of the fan, you could have gone a different route to get where you wanted to go."

"I'm already using my government influence to extinguish your Wal-Mart stores across the country."

"Do you really think the government can stop Wal-Mart? Hahaha, foolish girl, you shall be the first casualty when Wal-Mart comes into full power on the next full moon."

"Does it turn into a werewolf?" asked the Judge.

"No, a Were-Mart. wakka wakka wakka."

"Get out of my court."

**Case #3 – Cream vs. The Ice Cream Man**

"The Ice Cream man expected me to pay for my ice cream! Doesn't he see how cute I am?! I broke down and cried, and he didn't do anything to comfort me," said Cream.

"That's because your little blue pet was mauling me to death for upsetting you. Doesn't matter how cute you are, you have to pay for your ice cream!" screamed the Ice Cream Man.

Cream started crying again while Cheese started mauling the ice cream man to death again.

**Case #4 – Rouge's boobs...er...Rouge vs. Everyone**

"Everyone keeps calling me a slut yet people can never stop focusing on my chest. Look at the case title! I've decided to sue everyone for perversion."

"Rouge's boobs win," declared the Judge.

"Great!" yelled Rouge. "Time to go buy some chest jewelry."

**Case #5 – Sonic vs. Amy**

"Your honor, I'd like to get a restraining order on Amy Rose," said Sonic.

Amy exploded, "WHAT SONIKKU!?!?! I'LL KILL YOU!!!...with love."

"Why would you want to get a restraining order, Mr. Sonic?" said the Judge. "This sweet girl wants to kill you with love."

"Didn't you notice the bi-polarity and the 'I'll kill you' part?!" exclaimed Sonic.

"Restraining order denied."

**Case #6 – Humane Society vs. Station Square**

The Humanitarian talked, "Station square has been letting animals run around for the longest. It's time for them to step up and do something about the problem."

"It's not a problem. Sonic and his friends have always helped save our city from destruction," said the Mayor.

"Judge! They've even gotten chummy enough with said animals to let them roam around like people. Do you see how big this problem is? Animals shouldn't be running around in the open city! They should be in their natural habitat eating a variety of bugs and herbs."

"But I think Sonic likes eating chili dogs," said the Mayor.

"...and the fact that you know and let him partake in those processed foods is probably the reason animals like him are so big, colorful, and mutated."

"Oh, come now! They aren't a hazard," replied the Mayor.

"There was a news flash about the red, emerald-crazed one going around the land and rampaging everything in sight."

The judge banged down his hammer, "Sonic & Pals leash law granted."


	23. OT: The Chess Master's Pizza Bucket

"Welcome to '_the Chess Master!_'s Pizza Bucket,' where if you can beat me in a chess match, your pizza is free! I'm _the Chess Master!_, and I'll take your order."

-- Chaos 0's order

"Blub blub blu-blurb," said Chaos.

"So, I'm just going to make you a cheese pizza with water poured over it and hope you're satisfied," said _the Chess Master!_.

-- Eggman's order

"I'd like a pepperoni pizza," said Eggman.

"Only pepperoni? I thought you'd order something more eggstravagant," replied _the Chess Master!_.

"Oh yeah, and don't forget the eggshells. Also, could you add a topping that I could hit Sonic with?"

"How about a stick?"

"Perfect! I'll attach it to my latest and greatest creation. Watch out this time, hedgehog!" yelled Eggman. "Mwahahaha, can I have a job here?"

"Well, I can't hire you in plain sight seeing as you've scared the current customers with your hedgehog line, but come back when people aren't here, and I can give you a job making pizzas in the back _where no one can see you_."

"How degrading...but I need money. The government cut my 'take over the world' program."

"Why did the government fund it in the first place?"

"They thought the program was going to 'take over the world' in a good way but found out I was trying to do it the bad way."

"There's a good way to take over the world?...what?"

"I'll start the job tomorrow!" screamed Eggman.

The customers looked up. "Ah, the crazy man will work here! Flock to Quizno's, everyone!"

"Oh great," said _the Chess Master!_ as all the customers ran out, "you've destroyed my business for tonight."

"Wanna go capture animals and turn them into robots?"

"-sigh- Please don't let your personal life affect my business."

The Next Day.

-- Rouge's order

"I want Diamonds, Rubies, and every jewel in existence on my pizza. I also want the pizza crust to be sneaky and quiet, as I will be eating this pizza in the middle of my stealth missions."

"I don't know if I can complete this order," said _the Chess Master!_.

"Done," said Eggman from the back. He slid out the pizza.

"Perfect! The pizza is sparkling," said Rouge. She took the pizza and left.

"Eggman, how did you get jewels for that pizza?"

"I put sugar on the top. Those little sugar crystals can pass for jewels."

"And the 'sneaky crust' part of the order?"

"I just made the crust with play-doh. Don't know if that's what she meant, but I had fun makin' it."

"Ugh, I forgot to make her pay for the pizza," said _the Chess Master!_.

"I forgot the bake the play-doh," said Eggman.

-- Sonic's order

"I've been running from police, who've strangely been trying to put a leash on me, all day. I could really use a pizza."

-A pizza slid out from the back-

"I didn't even tell you what I wanted on it yet," said Sonic.

A fly landed on the pizza and died instantly.

"Um..." said Sonic, looking at the dead fly.

"Eggman!" said _the Chess Master!_ with anger.

"I hate all of you!" Eggman said while running from the back, sobbing. He stopped sobbing and then tried to stab Sonic, missed, then went back to sobbing and running.

-- Tails's order

"I don't have any money, so I'll challenge you to a chess match to try to get a free pizza," said Tails.

"If you lose, you're the new Janitor," said _the Chess Master!_.

"Deal."

After Tails's loss.

"I know I lost, but can I still get something to eat? I'm really hungry."

"Fine, just eat that pizza over there," _the Chess Master!_ said and pointed to the pizza on the far side of the counter.

"Oh boy!" Tails said with excitement before he bit into the pizza.

"Oh wait, that was the deadly pizza that Eggman made for Sonic."

Tails fell to the ground.

_The Chess Master!_ looked around. "The real question is, should I burn this place down or just bury him and act like I was never acquainted to him?...hmm.."

After sweeping Tails to the back room.

-- Cream's order

"I want sweet things on my pizza," smiled Cream.

"Well another customer wanted rabbit on its pizza first, so you've come at the right time." _The Chess Master!_ tried to restrain Cream.

-- Omega's order

"You got my rabbit pizza ready yet?" asked Omega.

"The main ingredient just barely got away. Sorry."

"I can't recharge my power supply without rabbit! Must Annihilate, Kill, Destroy, etc. You should know the drill." Omega charged up.

"Wait wait wait, before you try to destroy the whole place, I might be able to fix you up a fox pizza, eh?"

"Fox meat should be sufficient."

"Good." _The Chess Master!_ went into the back room. "Now where did I sweep that Tails too?" _The Chess Master!_ looked around and unfortunately saw an alive Tails. "Darn."

"Hey, that was some great pizza," said Tails. "I can only assume that I almost died from it because it was so good."

"Can you completely die, so I can use your meat to flavor a pizza for one ticking-timebomb robot?"

"Are you talking about Omega? If so, then he has an off-switch on his back."

"I'm dreadfully afraid of approaching robots."

"I'll do it then." Tails marched to the front counter. Tails shrieked, "Soooooonnnniiiiiic!" and a fainting noise was heard soon afterward.

"Annihilate, Kill, Destroy!" said Omega as he was about to destroy the entire place. Too bad he ran out of energy just then and fell over, unable to complete his destruction.

_The Chess Master!_ came out and analyzed the situation. "This uncharged robot can either be the restaurant's new pizza mascot or a fancy table reserved only for celebrities...hmm..."

-News Flash-

"It appears that '_the Chess Master!_'s Pizza Bucket' has a fabulous new table that only celebrities can sit at. Many average people have tried to sit at this table but faced an angry manager's fury by broom. All of the nation now tries to move up to celebrity status just to sit at said table. It seems that this local pizza parlor has gained many a fortune by people buying pizzas just to get a chance to enter the restaurant and bask in the glory that is _the_ _table_. The restaurant owner comments:"

"It was just going to be a special table. It's not even _that_ special though. I got a robot and laid it on its side then called it a table, yet everyone is so amazed by it. This just in: you people all need help. ...but seek help right after you come to '_the Chess Master!_'s Pizza Bucket' to look at this wonderful table. Your pizza will cost twice as much if you look at the table for more than 5 seconds though. Too much basking of it and it's triple."


	24. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting D Part 2

"This is where Cindy is," said Crew Member Q, in front of an abandoned carnival entrance.

"I'm going in," said the Head Director. "Also, the rides seem like they'd be pretty fun. Let's ride them later, assuming this place isn't haunted."

-- Once inside the carnival

Near the ferris wheel, a voice came from the shadows. "Oh, so you've returned, Bob."

It was Cindy!

"Why did you leave me last night?" cried the Head Director/Bob.

"You don't pay enough attention to me."

"That's not true."

"I've been gone for a month. The fact that you just noticed my absence last night confirms my statement."

"But I care about you."

"No, you only care about the profit from those Sonic games. You hardly ever think about me anymore, do you?"

"That's not true. I made the new character, 'Silver the Hedgehog,' in your image."

"Isn't Silver a male hedgehog?"

"What's your point?"

"Aarrgh! What gender am I?"

("I've been working so hard lately that I don't really remember what gender Cindy is. I guess I'll just avoid the question,") thought the Head Director. "You have beautiful eyes."

"You told me that the last time I asked you when my birthday was."

"Don't leave me, Cindy!"

"My name is not Cindy. It's June. JUNE."

"I like the name Cindy better. June is a month, not a person's name."

"Silence! I've joined the mafia now. Unlike you, they respect and cherish me," June said as a mafia member handed her a cookie and complimented her real name.

"I cherish you too. I bought you a flower with the leftover profit from Sonic Next-Gen."

"But you used most of the profit to buy a Nintendo Wii system & games for you and your crew members to play on lazy days."

"You're too picky."

"Perez, fill him full of lead."

Crew Member Q was outside thinking of ways to add unicorn characters to current Sonic games when he saw the Head Director running out.

While running out, the Head Director yelled, "Crew Member Q, there's a delicious dessert party in that carnival. You should check it out."

"Then why are you running away from it?" questioned Crew Member Q.

"I'm on an extreme diet."

"Oh, okay, I guess I'll check it out," Crew Member Q said while turning to walk into the carnival, only to hear bullets firing in his direction. Crew member Q turned back. "Um, Head Director?"

"Thanks for the backup," the Head Director yelled back from about a mile away.

-- Later at the Sonic Team headquarters

"...and Crew Member Q's body was never found. It wasn't even found on any of the carnival rides," announced the Head Director with sadness to the rest of the Crew.

Crew Member Q crawled in while holding his arm. "YOU LEFT ME FOR DEAD!"

"Um um, you're promoted to Crew Member P. Congratulations!"

A party was then thrown for the now passed out and newly appointed Crew Member P.


	25. OT: Cream the Celebrity

-- At _the Chess Master!_'s Pizza Bucket

Cream walked in with star-shaped sunglasses and pink high-heels. "Where's that table that's only allowed to be sat on by celebrities?"

_The Chess Master!_ looked over at a rabbit approaching the Omega table. "Oh boy, another one. Time to get the broom."

"Wait," said Tails. "That's Cream. What's she doing here?"

"I don't care what she's doing here, Janitor. All I know is she's sitting at my money-maker table," _the Chess Master!_ grasped his broom.

"No, don't hurt Cream," said Tails, holding back the broom from his boss's hand. "I'll talk to her."

"Hmm...talking, huh? I haven't done much of that since I started hitting people with brooms to solve my problems. Go for it."

Cream was at the Omega table talking on her cell phone. "and I was like why are you doing that to _me_? I KNOW!"

"Cream," interrupted Tails, "what are you doing here?"

"Look, I know I'm famous, and you adore me, but I'm not going to go out with you."

"What? Anyway, Cream, this table is reserved for celebrities."

"Who do you think _I_ am, fox?"

"You're Cream, and you're not a celebrity. So you cannot sit at this table."

"How dare you lie to a Queen. I'll have you know that I've dined with Madonna, flown to _Paree _with Oprah, and served time with Martha Stewart in prison."

"but...you didn't, Cream," replied Tails.

"That's it, I'm leaving! Wait until I tell Oprah how your lousy restaurant treated me. I'll burn you all down to the ground in lawsuits!" And with that, Cream stormed off.

"I've watched the whole thing," said _the Chess Master!_ from the counter, "and I think just hitting her with a broom would have been less of a hassle than putting up with her episode."

"I don't know what was wrong with her. Cream is usually such a sweet girl. Maybe Amy knows what her problem is today."

Tails dialed Amy's number.

"Hello, this is Sonic's wife speaking."

"Um, Amy, it's..."

"SONIC?! You've finally called!"

"No, it's Tails."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so Cream was just here, and she was acting pretty _eccentric_."

"I didn't see Cream in a while," said Amy. There was a knock on Amy's door. "Wait a second, Tails. There's someone at my door."

"Okay," said Tails, while he listened to the other end.

"Where's my money for acknowledging you as my associate?" said Cream.

"Huh? Cream?"

"Where's my payment for being a friend to a commoner like you? A tacky commoner, I might add."

"Who do you think you are?!"

"Cream the Rabbit of the Rabbit Richingtons. I'll take no more of your insolence. Pay me and kiss my feet this instant or face the crushing reality of being a commoner with no celebrity ties."

"Amy, what's going on over there?" said Tails. A hammer sound was heard over the phone.

"I'll sue you to the poor house! Oh wait, the poorer house!" yelled Cream, running away.

Back to the phone.

"Yeah," said Amy, "she really has something wrong with her today. I feel good that I at least got a hit in on her for that attitude though."

"Maybe Cream's Mom knows why she's acting this way. Let's go ask her," suggested Tails.

"Okay, let's go," said Amy. She hung up the phone.

Tails yelled to _the Chess Master!_. "Boss, I'm going on a break to go save my friend, Cream."

"You're not going anywhere, unless you beat me in a game of chess!"

"I really don't want to play chess with you again. Losing against you is the reason I'm stuck as a janitor in this place."

-- Later, at the door of Cream's house.

"and now if I ever try to quit, he'll cut of my legs," said the distressed fox.

"That's nice, Tails," Amy said while thinking of Sonic.

After they rang the doorbell, Vanilla opened the door.

"Hi kids," said Vanilla.

"Foxes eat rabbits," said Tails.

"Ms. Vanilla, Cream has been acting strange today," stated Amy. "She's been acting like she's a bratty celebrity, and she's been treating everyone like garbage."

"Oh yes, that happens when Cream doesn't eat enough carrots."

"What?" said Tails in confusion.

The tone of the room suddenly went dark as Vanilla began to explain. "All rabbits need to eat a certain amount of carrots each week to save themselves from insanity. Carrots help us stay calm and happy, tee-hee. Sometimes, rabbits don't want to eat all of their carrots or simply can't find the time to work in eating carrots in their busy schedules. When they don't eat all of their carrots, _a monster is born_."

"That's a pretty far-fetched story," replied Tails.

"Tell that to the Trix and Nesquik rabbits."

"So they turned into celebrity wannabes?" asked Tails.

"No no, each rabbit has their own, special dark side when they don't fill their carrot quota. I turn into a snarling beast with a craving for foxes when I don't eat all of my needed carrots."

Tails gulped.

Vanilla continued, "The only way to reverse the process is to fill the individual rabbit's quota by..." Vanilla's eyes widened in fear, "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, Zombies!"

Tails and Amy frantically looked around. "What?!"

"Oh, sorry kids. It's just that the mood was so dark that I thought I needed to say something like that. Now where was I...The only way to reverse the process is to feed the rabbit their missed amount of carrots before the following week is over. The Trix and Nesquik rabbits were once good, healthy rabbits with active social lives...then they missed their carrot quota. They then turned into the maniacs you see today."

"Why didn't somebody feed them their carrots before it was too late to recover them?" asked Amy.

"The carnival came into town, and fellow rabbits thought going to the carnival would be a lot more entertaining than chasing around maniac bunnies and trying to feed them carrots. _We were wrong_: there was a power outage, so we couldn't enjoy the carnival. You kids want to see the pictures of me at the carnival though?"

"That's okay," politely replied Amy. "So how many carrots does Cream need to eat per week?" asked Amy.

"One hundred."

"Wow," said Tails in shock. "That's impossible."

"Not really. I've heard that Bugs Bunny also had around a 100 carrot quota. Thus the reason he was always seen eating carrots, even when performing."

"Wow," said Tails again.

"Cream spends most of her off-time after Sonic games eating carrots to try to fill that quota. Sadly, she did not make it this time, by 10. Therefore, a celebrity monster was born."

"How can we save her?" cried Tails.

"You must travel across the lands to the grocery store, get 10 carrots, and feed them to Cream before nightfall. Or her soul will be lost _forever_!"

"We have to get some carrots right away!" screamed Amy. She and Tails started to leave.

"Wait!" yelled Vanilla.

"What is it?" said Tails.

"Could you guys stay for maybe...20 more minutes?"

"Why?"

"It's just that, I don't get as much screen time as you guys do, which means, my paycheck is drastically lower than you kids', but just by you guys coming to talk to me for these minutes, I've finally earned enough money to buy canned corn for dinner. If you guys stay for some more minutes, I'll be able to afford 3 more meals. Please stay."

"Um, okay," said Tails. He and Amy sat down in the house.

"So, how are you kids doing?" asked Vanilla.

"Fine."

After some moments of silent waiting.

"How come you don't try to save Cream from insanity? You could help us save her, ya know," said Amy.

"No no," replied Vanilla. "Sorry, but I'm too busy doing rabbit things."

After 20 minutes had passed.

"Okay, we'll be off now then," said Amy as she got up.

"Just a question," started Tails, "what kind of things do rabbits do?"

"Why, we go to the Rabbit Forest."

"Does Cream go there?" asked Amy.

"NO, AND SHE'S NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ABOUT IT."

"Ah, we'll be going then," said Tails. He and Amy immediately left the house.

"Thanks for the face-time kids." Vanilla waved to them as they left.

-- Later, at the Rabbit forest.

"I'm sorry I had to brush those kids off like that, but I don't want people finding out about my secret lifestyle," Vanilla said before reading her script. "What is up, doctor?"

"No!" yelled the Film Director. "More slang: 'what's up doc?'"

"I think I was better with the Trix commercials," said Vanilla.

"Just shut up and work, rabbit."

Vanilla broke down crying. "I do this for Cream's future!"

"That's not in the script! ...but it was very dramatic and touches my film director soul. You're gonna be big things, Vanilla. To Hollywood!"

"Yay!"

-- Later, at the Mall.

"Why are you looking at me that way? I'm better than you. Heck, you've probably never even seen anyone as gorgeous as me!" yelled Cream.

"I was just trying to alert you that you dropped some of your change a little while ago," said an old woman.

"Picking up loose change is for poories. I guess you'd think it's appropriate because you're a poory. Poor poories and your sad, poor little lives."

-When Tails and Amy arrived on the scene-

"Ow ow, poories can't attack celebrities!"

Cream was being purse attacked by an angry, old woman.

"Cream's being Pursed!" yelled Amy. "Though I can't say she doesn't deserve it right now."

Tails went over to Cream, after the old woman was arrested for battery, and held up some carrots. "We brought you 10 carrots. Eat them before you stay this way forever."

"No, you can't have my autograph," said Cream.

"but I didn't even..."

"No, you can't have it."

Tails looked at Amy. "Can you handle this, Amy?"

"Okay," replied Amy. She looked towards Cream. "Cream, this brand of carrot was eaten by Drew Barrymore."

"Really?!" Cream said with excitement. Cream observed the carrots. "Hey wait, those carrots are whole. I can't eat whole foods, only power drinks."

"Okay..." said Amy. Amy then went to blend the carrots into a liquid mixture and came back with a glass. "Here, Cream."

"Is there something to make me thin in it?" asked Cream.

Amy then went to put Slim Fast into the carrot drink.

"Here, Cream," Amy said again.

"Is there something fashionable in that drink?"

Amy then went to blend the most fashionable high-heels into the carrot drink.

"Here, Cream," Amy said again, irritated.

"Is there..."

"Oh come on!" shouted Amy.

Tails then proceeded to hold Cream down while Amy poured the drink down Cream's throat.

"Woah, what's happening to me!" said Cream, as her star-shaped Sunglasses crumbled and her pink high-heels turned to dirt. "Hi, Tails and Amy. What happened?"

"Always eat your carrots," said Tails.

"Er.." said Cream, confused.

"Cream, you were acting like the crazed daughter of a rich family," explained Amy.

"Amy," said Cream, "that doesn't make much sense."

-honk honk- was heard from a limo outside.

Cream ran outside to see a limo occupied by a rabbit woman with a pearl necklace and diamond rings sitting in the backseat.

"Mom?!" said Cream, jumping into the limo.

Vanilla hugged Cream. "Cream, dear, we'll be able to dine decently for the rest of our lives!"

"Really?!" said Cream.

"Yes. I also now have enough money to get you whatever your heart desires."

And with that, they rode off.

Tails looked in amazement. "You don't think Cream will _naturally_ turn into one of those spoiled brats, do you?"

"Sonic?" replied Amy.

Tails sighed.

"We've got some free time now. Wanna go see 'A Carrot too far' starring Vanilla?" asked Amy.

"Sure," replied Tails. They happily went to the movies.

And Vanilla never needed paychecks from Sonic Team again.

The End.


	26. Step Six

**Session 6 – Goal: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defective shards of character.**

"Everybody hates me," cried Knuckles.

"That's not true," said the Director. "People like Cream don't hate you, because they don't know how to hate."

"But people with the ability to hate, hate me."

"Well, Reverend doesn't hate you. Just your sinful ways."

"Really?"

"And I'm sure all of your friends don't hate you completely yet."

"But they will hate me eventually. I'm so easy to hate."

"Well, when I saw that you rampaged one of my rooms, I felt hatred towards you as well. You just need to realize that you're just a little insect compared to God. You need him to get through the Devil's temptation."

"No, I don't. I can do it myself."

"Gah! I swear we've gone through this same type of reaction on several other steps. Just listen to me so you don't have to go on another quest to get through mind-numbingly simple steps!"

"These steps aren't simple to an addict. They're physically and emotionally challenging."

"Then maybe if you'd stop being a addict, you could get through these steps."

"That doesn't make any sense. These steps are _for_ addicts."

"JUST GET THROUGH THE STEP."

"I'm not ready."

"THEN GET READY."

"No, just give me some more time to let this step soak in."

"No, just hurry up so you can leave."

"I told you, I'm not ready!" said Knuckles getting irritated.

"No, you're taking too long."

An angry supervisor walked in. "Mr. Director! I'm appalled at your behavior."

"What? Why are you here?" said the nervous Director.

"After you mentioned that tidbit about you liking explosions, I became wary of my situation," stated Knuckles. "I decided that I should seek your supervisor to see if you were fit for your position."

"The answer is, you aren't," said the Supervisor.

"That's fine, because I'm going to blow you all up, hahahaha!"

"Hold it!" said the police as they walked in.

"This just isn't my day," whined the Director.

"Mr. Knuckles," said the Supervisor, "for today, go home and ponder the current step on your own. We'll have a more qualified director here for you tomorrow."

-- Later, as Knuckles went back to Angel Island.

"Hi, Rouge, here for the Master Emerald?"

"Yes," said Rouge, struggling to fly away with the Master Emerald but failing due to its massive size. "...and you're okay with me taking it?" she said a little confused.

"Yes, it's given me nothing but trouble anyways," and with that, Knuckles turned around and walked off peacefully. Then came back and beat Rouge senseless.

"I hate you, Knuckles," yelled Rouge, in the act of flying away wounded.

"Don't touch my emerald!" yelled Knuckles back. "That felt satisfying. Wait, I was supposed to be getting rid of these character defects myself without the help of God. I'll show you, God! I won't be vicious to anyone because of that emerald anymore, and it will be because of _my_ will."

Sometime afterward, Cream arrived at the Emerald Shrine to find Knuckles in a fetal position chanting: "Don't kill. Don't kill."

"Mr. Knuckles," said Cream. "I wanted to know if it'd be okay for me touch the Master Emerald, this time without you punching me?"

"S-Sure," said Knuckles.

"Yay!" said Cream. She approached the emerald and touched it. "Oh, the emerald is so smooth."

"Yeah, it is," said Knuckles, staring hard from the distance.

"Oh, and it's so shiny."

"Y-Yeah. S-S-Shiny."

"Oh, and it's so magical."

-Punch- "It's emerald time!" said Knuckles as Cream was punched off the island. Knuckles went to the Master Emerald and touched it for the first time in chapters.

The sky went black, the wolves of the forest gathered, and McDonald's suddenly went bankrupt. The world knew something was wrong, but nothing could ever prepare humanity for what had awakened.

The combination of Knuckles's built up Emerald Temptation and the power of the Master Emerald created **Mega Knuckles**.

Mega Knuckles is the dark form of Knuckles. In addition to added power, Mega Knuckles loves to torment people and do evil things (even though that didn't need to be stated, since it's his dark form...which then the statement that was just said explaining that didn't need to be stated, as well as this one). Mega Knuckles feeds on emeralds yet is never full. Mega Knuckles also has a hyper form which gives him extra power and black pants.

"I have awakened!" said Mega Knuckles. "Now let's go into town and start some CHAOS."

At the Mall.

"Time to start some CHAOS!" yelled Mega Knuckles. Just then, a small child accidentally bumped into him. "I will devour your soul!" scowled Mega Knuckles.

"Get real, old man. It's 2007, you'll have to use better lines than that to scare kids nowadays."

"I see that I'm going to have to go hyper on you," said Mega Knuckles. "Hyper Mode, activate!"

Mega Knuckles went on a cosmic transformation that practically broke the Sailor Moon copyright laws. "I am HYPER MEGA KNUCKLES!"

"Oh look, a magical loser," said the kid.

"Oh yeah, well, your parents don't love you, they only put up with you."

"Again, 2007."

"Go away, kid. You're not a good victim."

The child pantsed Hyper Mega Knuckles then ran off. There it was discovered that pantsing Hyper Mega Knuckles defeats his hyper form, turning him back into Mega Knuckles.

"That was pitiful," said a voice from the shadows.

"Who's there?" said Mega Knuckles.

"Losing in your hyper form to a mere child."

"You! You're...you're..!"

"That's right. It's me, Omochao."

"Came to gloat more about getting a spin-off game before me?"

"No, I came to instruct you."

"I really should have known."

"I can make you stronger, Mega Knuckles. I can make you be able to defeat any kid no matter what generation it's from."

"Yes, I want to be stronger, Omochao! ...Wait, what's in it for you?"

"Oh me? I'm just letting off some steam. Sonic Team told me Shadow's spinoff has a better chance of getting a sequel before mine does which made me feel bad. And when you feel bad, you do just do bad things, right?"

"Just give me my power."

To Be Continued.


	27. OT: Rouge the Man & Telesa the Fox

"I'm out of screws and bolts; time to go to the store," said Tails.

At the store.

"Alright, that'll be 3.50," said the male cashier.

Tails fiddled around in his foxpocket. "oh no, I forgot my money!"

"No money, no bolts," said the cashier, taking away Tails's items.

"Oh well." Tails started walking out of the store.

A woman in a short skirt came to the cashier with a cart full of items. "I really can't pay for all of this, but could you let me get by just this one time, pretty please?" she said while winking at him.

"Of course," said the cashier as he bagged her items.

Tails looked back and saw this. "WHAT?"

"Get lost, kid, before I call the cops," said the cashier.

Tails left.

The cashier turned to the woman. "So, how's about giving me your phone number, sweetie?"

"My phone is dead," said the woman.

"Your address then?"

"It's dead too."

At Club Rouge.

Two men at the bar were talking. "And I hear there's an underground jewelry sale in the Men's bathroom tonight, but it'll only last for 15 more minutes."

Rouge overheard. "Oh, jewels! I'm so there."

And Rouge went into the Men's bathroom.

Later, at Prison.

"Okay, Rouge, we're setting you free," said the Prison Guard.

"Did somebody bail me out?" asked Rouge.

"No, it's because you keep starting fights and beating up the other prisoners."

"They were looking at me funny."

"Because you kept making fun of them and calling them ugly."

"They were."

"Just don't infiltrate anymore Men's bathrooms," sighed the officer. Another officer came and whispered something to him. "Oh, and Miss Rouge, we have been alerted that you've actually cut flesh off of inmate Casey Johnson."

"Well she just kept going on and on about her rich family loving her, so I figured they'd pay a nice fee for this strip of bacon," Rouge said holding up the flesh.

Back at Tails's house.

"I may not have the material needed to make new inventions, but I guess I can still watch educational TV." He turned on the TV only to find a black screen with a pay-your-bill message going across.

"What?" said Tails, immediately calling the cable company.

"Hello, this is the cable company. Is there a problem?"

"Yes, my cable was recently cut off, and I always pay my bill on time, so something must be wrong."

"Oh that, well we decided to raise the bill. So as soon as you pay the difference, your cable will be back on, sir."

"Are you kidding?"

"No, pay now."

"Bye," said Tails. He hung up the phone and went outside to brood. While sitting on his doorstep, he overheard the conversation between his neighbor and her friend on their porch.

They were saying, "Oh yeah, the cable bill went up just recently. It's a good thing my boyfriend works at the cable company. I didn't have to pay a single dime extra."

Tails frowned.

Back in town with Rouge.

"This is where that rich, old woman with the world's biggest collection of jewels lives," Rouge said on the doorstep of a mansion. "She keeps them all in her mansion. This is heist is going to be a breeze."

"Don't even think about stealing anything, young lady," said the old woman who opened up the door. "I was a jewel thief back when I was your age. I know all the spy tricks, so don't go and try to steal anything from my house." The woman closed the door.

Rouge tried to steal the woman's jewels and ended up hog-tied.

"Let me go!" yelled Rouge.

"So you can steal my jewels? Nope," responded the woman.

"Grr..."

"I don't even care for those jewels anymore."

"Then give them to me!"

"Give them to a greedy woman like you? No way. I'm lookin' to give my jewel collection to an honest, young man."

"AHH!! I just want some jewels!"

"I've got some oatmeal."

At the Bank.

("Okay, I'll just withdraw some money to put into my cable bill,") thought Tails, standing in line waiting for the bank teller with 10 men currently in front of him. ("My favorite show is going to be on in a little while, so I need to get this money to cable company headquarters then get home fast,"). Tails spoke up, "Would anyone please let me cut in line? I really need to get my money from here to the cable company fast."

"No," said all the men in line, coldly.

"oh okay," said Tails, feeling sad and defeated.

A pretty woman walked in. "Um guys, could you pretty please let me go to the front of the line? My show's gonna be on really soon, and I need to get the money to the cable company fast."

"Sure," said all the men in line.

"Yeah, get in front of me hot stuff," commented one man.

"No, you can't cut me," said Tails. "I need to get to the cable company with my money too."

The men looked back at Tails and punched him out of line. Then, the woman easily cut in front.

"Grr.." growled Tails at his situation. "I'm so sick of the women getting all of the special treatment."

Meanwhile, in Town.

"Who will participate in the 'Jewel-in-the-Pie Eating Contest'?" asked the announcer. "There's a jewel in one of these pies, and the one who can eat the fastest has the best chance to find it first."

"Pie eating contest for a jewel? I'm so there!" said Rouge as she entered the competition.

"On your mark, get set, Go!" yelled the announcer.

"Wait a minute!" yelled Rouge in frustration, while she mentally weighed if it was possible to still look sexy while gorging on pies.

Of course, no one waited and Rouge was getting behind the competition.

"Oh forget it," said Rouge. She started chomping on pies like a barbarian. While Rouge looked at her competition, she saw that the men were eating faster than her. "No!" said Rouge as she swallowed her dignity and frantically tried to scarf down more pies while looking like an uncivilized beast, but it was too late. One man had already found the jewel...in his stomach.

"That's why you should watch what you eat," said the announcer as the man was wheeled away to the operating room.

"Grr..." said Rouge in anger. "Those men don't even have to be sexy and dignified when they eat, so it wasn't fair. Plus their stomachs are bigger."

Rouge flew off. "The world is so unfair. I'm going to be less spirited than usual when I'm stealing that jewel from that man's stomach."

Back at Tails's house.

"No screws, no money, and no discovery channel. Those girls have it so easy."

Back at Club Rouge.

"No sexy, no clean, and no poise. Boys sure have it disgusting. That's not the point though. The point is they currently have better access to jewels than me."

An idea popped into both Tails and Rouge's heads at the same time. "What if I pretend to be a woman/man?" they said simultaneously.

"That's a great idea," said Tails. "I'll make an experiment out of it. I'll see how my life would change. It'd be just like the Discovery Channel in real life!"

"Ew, that's a gross idea," said Rouge, "but I want jewels."

"To the clothing store!" they both said.

At the mall clothing store in the women's section.

"What kind of dress would I look good in?" Tails asked the female store clerk.

She stared at him confused and then looked at the calender. "Oh, that's right. Year 2007. Come on over to our blouse section, sir."

At the mall clothing store in the men's section.

"Store clerk, I need something baggy that shows my masculine side," Rouge announced to the male store clerk.

The clerk looked at her. "Manager!" he yelled, and ran to the back.

The Next Day at Tails's House.

"Finally, my transformation is complete!" said Tails. "I'll start my experimentation as the opposite gender under the name of 'Telesa the Fox.'"

Telesa the fox had red lipstick, glued-on fancy eyebrows and light mascara. She wore blue high-heels, a pink blouse, and red pants. After looking in the mirror, Telesa decided it'd be best not to be a rainbow monster and just wore a pink dress, with a pink hat, and pink high-heels.

"Oh yeah, I forgot, women wear bras too. I forgot to get one at the store."

Using the powers of improvisation, Telesa made a bra out of cutting up two paper towels. The "bra" then was fastened together with some paper clips. "I'm ready for action!"

Telesa set off into the world.

Meanwhile, at Club Rouge.

"I am now, Rouge the Man!" declared Rouge while looking into the mirror at a new self with baggy black jeans, a black T-shirt, and a red baseball cap that faced forward. Rouge the Man had an above-average chest size for a male (being that he was originally a woman), but an average person wouldn't be able to tell that a woman's breasts were concealed under his shirt. Most would just assume Rouge was carrying weapons under there like an average man would.

"And I guess I can have a little fun and experiment with this gender while I'm at it," smirked Rouge.

Rouge set off into the world.

Telesa will now be referred to as a "her."

Rouge will now be referred to as a "him."

"Now," said Rouge, "First, I'll get the Jewels from that sexist, old woman."

At the old woman's mansion.

-Knock Knock-

The old woman came to the door.

"Yes?" answered the old woman.

"M'am," said Rouge, "could I have some jewels? I'm very poor and.."

"Oh sure, but first come inside and play some scrabble with me."

"Well, I'm in a bit of a hurry.." rushed Rouge.

"You don't want my jewel collection then?"

"No no, I'll play some scrabble," said Rouge, defeated.

10 minutes later, there was a knock on the woman's door.

It was some teenage boy. "Hello, old hag, you got some money on you?"

"I have a whole jewel collection's worth, young man."

She lead him to a room full of jewels. "Take it all."

"Awesome, I'm going to spend this all on my girlfriend, so she'll have a reason to keep dating me," said the boy. He gathered the jewels and ran off.

Rouge was devastated as she watched this. "Why did you give him all the jewels!?"

"He didn't seem like he'd do very well at scrabble."

"I asked you for the jewels first!"

"Then why were you playing scrabble instead of getting them?"

"RAAWWRRR!!"

"That reminds me of a story back in..."

"Forget this, I'm just going to see if I can get more jewels by being a man."

**Trial #1 - Shopping**

"Hey, you in the baggy pants! Why you trying to steal from my store?"

"I was just looking," said Rouge.

"Call the cops, hurry!"

"Now wait a minute," Rouge said as he slowly walked towards the clerk.

"He's gonna charge me! Call the cops quicker!!"

-After the man was killed-

"Serves him right for noticing I was about to steal. It certainly is harder to steal when you're a man."

Meanwhile, with Telesa.

"Time to see if this woman thing really works," said Telesa, going to the checkout line with a cart full of items.

"Your total comes to 75.35," said the male cashier.

"I don't have any money," said Telesa, "but could you let me get by just this once, pretty please?"

"Haha, yeah right. Look at all that pink on you. SECURITY!"

In the policecar.

"I don't even know why I got arrested," muttered Telesa. "The cashier could have just let me leave empty-handed. He didn't have to yell 'thief' to make sure I got arrested."

The policeman snorted. "The way you're dressed, you deserve to be arrested."

**Trial #2 - Court**

"Rouge the Man, you have been accused for murder," said the Judge.

"The man was annoying me," Rouge said with a smirk.

"Lock him up."

"What? That line worked when I was a woman, and everyone would just laugh and let me go free. After rejecting a lot of date offers, I was scot-free. Does sexy charm not work for men?"

The policemen came with handcuffs to take Rouge away.

"No, I won't let you take me away! Time for my escape move: SEXY SHUFFLE!"

There was a big explosion in the room and Rouge was still where he was after it. "Darn, that move worked when I was a woman. Oh well."

Rouge escaped in the hole caused by the move's blast.

Telesa's court case.

"You've been accused of shoplifting," said the Judge. "What do you say to this?"

("What did those women on Court-TV say?") thought Tails. "Um..I did it for my fatherless children?"

"You're free to go."

"Being a woman rocks!"

**Trial #3 - Sinking**

Aboard a luxury cruise ship.

A man came running from inside. "The ship is on fire and it's sinking!! Women and children to the boats first!"

"Oh crud!" yelled Rouge.

"Being a woman rocks!" said the lady beside him.

**Trial #4 - AOL Instant Messenger**

Telesathefox: yeah, i think Zelda games are fun.

kruntor: Telesa, you're a girl, right?

Telesathefox: um...yeah.

kruntor: go out with me.

Telesathefox: what why?

kruntor: because I like you.

Telesathefox: the only thing you know about me is that i'm a girl. you've never even made direct contact with me to "like me."

kruntor: Just gimme a chance. i think you're very pretty in real life.

Telesathefox: based off of what?

kruntor: you like zelda games and i do.

Telesathefox: you're making me scared of the internet.

-gunbar signing on-

gunbar: what?! there's a girl gamer here? marry me! i love you with all of my heart!!

-Telesathefox signing off-

**Trial #5 - Fighting**

"The jewel is mine!" Rouge said to the male thief.

"No, I stole it before you did."

"I guess we'll have to fight for it," Rouge grinned.

Rouge was punched the instant he made that statement.

"Woah, what's the big deal, didn't your mother ever tell you not to hit a lady?!" said Rouge. ("Oh yeah, that's right, I'm a man now. I actually will have to fight.")

("Oh man, I hit that guy so hard that he thinks he's a woman now,") thought the thief. He spoke up, "Take the jewel, and I'll be on my way," he said while leaving it on the floor. ("Hopefully he'll...she'll now??...will just take the jewel and leave the lawyers out of this.")

**Trial #6 - Losing Dignity**

Telesa was walking down the street angsting. "Why aren't men swooning over me like that other woman?"

A woman in extremely tight clothes walking by said, "It's because you have no figure. Also, look at you. Your clothes are actually covering up all of your skin. Sex appeal only works when you're looking sexy."

"But how do I be sexy?" asked Telesa.

"Come with me," said the woman, who led Telesa on a magical adventure.

After a girls' day out, Telesa turned slutty..I mean, sexy.

"Now look at yourself, girlfriend," said the woman while she gave Telesa a mirror.

Telesa now wore a black sports bra with two small pillows inserted under, to make her chest look bigger. Telesa also now wore a short skirt with black high-heels.

"I hope this works," said Telesa, walking out onto the street.

A man walked by her and whistled. "Lookin' good there, Princess."

"Success!"

**Trial #7 - Flirtation**

"Oh look, it's Shadow," noticed Rouge. "I'll see what happens when I greet him the same way my female self would."

Rouge went over to Shadow. "Hi, Shadow," Rouge said in a seductive voice while wrapping his arms around Shadow's neck.

Shadow got out a knife. "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"

"Nothing! Nothing!!" Rouge said while backing away.

**Trial #8 - Entourage**

"You're so beautiful, Telesa," said a man walking beside her.

"Your outfit leaves nothing left for a man to imagine, Telesa, dear," said another man walking behind her.

"Can I buy you a drink, honey?" said yet another man walking beside her.

Telesa just smiled, not knowing how to react. ("I guess I should just accept their offers if I'm going to fully experiment what it's like to be a woman.") She turned to one of them and said in a pouty voice, "I'd like to buy some screws and bolts, but I'm low on money..."

"I'll buy it for you!!" one of the men quickly responded.

"I need my cable bill payed too," added Telesa.

**Trial #9 - Mugging**

In a dark alley, a woman with a pearl necklace was walking through.

Rouge appeared. "Give me all your jewels, and you'll walk away safely."

The woman screamed and kicked Rouge in the crotch. No Effect. "Ah!! Robbers are getting immune to women's defense. It must be evolution!!"

**Trial # 10 - Heroism**

"Ah!!" screeched people running from a nearby Pillow Shop.

A villain arose. "My name is Pillwantor, and I control the pillows of the Universe."

Telesa held her chest.

"And I'm going to take over this world's pillow supplies."

"I won't let you!" said Telesa.

"You won't let me? Ha! As if some girl...wait, do you have pillows under your shirt?"

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. I control pillows, so I can sense them there."

"So what if I do?" said Telesa.

"What do you mean?" said one of the men from her entourage. "If it's not real, then I'm leaving."

And so, the entourage left the now exposed, flat-chested Telesa.

Telesa started crying. "You ruined everything, Pillwantor!"

Pillwantor came and sat down by Telesa. "Well, it's your fault for deceiving everyone in the first place."

"My fault? What do you know about being a girl who doesn't have big portions!"

"I know I have a daughter about your age. Her name is Pillwantus, and she tried the same thing you're doing."

"What happened to her?"

"Oh, nobody found out about her pillow stuffings yet, so she's still popular."

Telesa cried harder.

"But that's not the point," continued Pillwantor. "The point is, _eventually_ they'll find out her figure is fake. Besides that, it's not that dignified to use sex appeal to get free things anyhow."

"but I didn't have to pay for hardly anything."

"Good point, a part of me wishes I was a sexy woman, but that's not the point either. Being loved by hormonally-driven men because of your body isn't a good thing."

"Why?"

"They'll get annoying someday, and you always have to wonder if they care for you or just your body."

"Don't flat-chested, figureless girls have to go through that same problem too?"

"No, because they don't have a body. Thus, you know the men around them really have to care about their personality, because they have no body to lust over."

"So if I go back to regular, figureless me, then the men who are still attracted to me, will definitely like me for me?"

"Yes. Unless you're rich, then they might just be after your money."

Later at Club Rouge.

"Yeah, so it was me the whole time," explained Rouge to Shadow.

"I don't care," replied Shadow as he continued to read his newspaper.

"Being a man is just too complicated," continued Rouge. "Everyone is tough and mean to you, and there's like this male code-of-honor thing everyone expects you to abide by."

"But being a woman is more complicated," said Tails, sitting beside her. "If you don't have a big chest, then men act weird towards you. If you get a big chest, then they won't leave you alone."

"Wait, you were a woman?!" said a shocked Rouge.

"What? You were just talking about your day as a man."

"Clearly you're still not familiar with the world. A woman could dress up as a man and shake it off before a man-lady could. Everybody, shun Tails!"

Half of the club shunned Tails. The other half gave him unpleasant looks.

Tails whimpered, "Aw.."

"I'll stop shunning you if you give me a jewel," said Rouge.

The End.

**Important notice:**

"Women's Womanly Ways (or WWW) would like to comment that the views expressed here are not entirely accurate," says the WWW woman. "Women have a much greater variety of problems than chest size alone. Like getting lesser salaries than men, constantly being underestimated, and countering the women with no dignity that 'show it all' for men's attention. It's clear to see that women really have it harder than men."

"Wait a second," says the Men Must be Macho man (or MMM), "men have to go through so much more than women. We have to be the ones required to go to war in a drafting, we're supposed to always be fighting for our honor, and we are expected to rise up and be 'the man of the household.'"

"No no no no no, women have to work harder just to get a decent job, and even if they get a job at the same level as a man, their salary can be less just because they're a woman."

"Hey, well nobody really expects much from women."

"That's what I've been saying!"

"What if you're a man who doesn't want to do anything, hmm? Lazy men are frowned upon and everyone says 'get up and work.' _We_ can't get married to a rich businessman and then be set for life."

"Women still have to go through more. The women with dignity have to deal with pigish men who think we're all supposed to be sleazy and 'show some skin.'"

"Hey, but you guys can get free stuff off of men."

"At the price of having to expose ourselves! I'd rather keep my clothes on, along with my dignity."

"You know what, let's just agree to both be offended."

"Agreed."

"...You know, I joined MMM because I actually was envious of women."

"What?!"

"It's just that, I'm not a tough man. I like to bake cookies and cakes, I like to read romance novels, and I'd love to be a stay-at-home mother figure. I joined MMM so I could push for men's rights to bake and still be called _men_."

"I know how you feel. WWW was my way of lashing out on men, because I really wanted to be one."

"Gross."

"Not literally _be one_ but be like one. I'd like to work and then come home to my loving husband and children. I'd like my husband to prepare dinner for me after a hard day's work, and I'd tell him how my day was."

"Are you my soulmate?"

"Most likely."

"So are you going to ask me out or what?"

"You're the man."

"You just were talking about how you wanted to be man-like so that's your job."

"I don't like pressure."

"Ha, and you want to be a man?"

"As if womanhood doesn't already come with enough pressure."

"I'm just saying, not as much as manhood."

"What are you saying?"

"Just that..."

And they argued 'til dawn. Just like true soulmates.

A/N: This chapter's plot is credited to BoomTheHedgehog.


	28. Step Six Part 2

-- At Prison

"Oh son, why did you have to end up here?" said the Director's mother, as she cried.

The Director moaned, "That echidna was just so stubborn, Mother. He'd make it so one step had to be divided into 'parts.' That alone was enough to drive anyone crazy."

"Hahahaha," laughed the Director's mother.

"Mom? What are you laughing about, I'm in prison!"

"Hahaha, I'm not your mom. I'm the one who put you in prison."

"Y-You're the legal system!"

"No." The Director's mom pulled off her outfit to reveal that she was actually **Mega Knuckles**! "Also, the legal system isn't a single person."

"You! It's your fault I'm in here."

"No, it was your bomb threat that put you in here."

"Shut up, it's all your fault for being so stubborn. I bet you're not even past the step you were on when I was last with you."

"Well, you're stupid. Now for more CHAOS!" yelled Mega Knuckles, as he ran out.

"Wait! Don't leave me alone here! There's somebody in here who got their flesh cut off!"

-- At _the Chess Master!_'s Pizza Bucket.

Mega Knuckles walked in and saw Tails sweeping the floor. "Hi, Tails. I didn't know you worked here."

"Hi, Knuckles. I didn't know you had such an evil aura lately. I'm the janitor here."

"Really?" said Mega Knuckles, as he grabbed a nearby trash can and dumped all of its contents onto the floor.

"Knuckles, why?" said Tails, crying and picking up the trash.

"Nobody harasses my help," said _the Chess Master!_. "I challenge you to a chess match!"

"You're on," said Mega Knuckles.

-They sat down to play-

"Even though I don't understand how a chess match is revenge for Tails's harassment," commented Mega Knuckles.

-Halfway through the match-

"Ha," laughed _the Chess Master!_.

"Oh no, I'm losing," cried Mega Knuckles. "It's time to go to the next level, Hyper Mode activate!" Mega Knuckles transformed into HYPER MEGA KNUCKLES.

"That's it? You put on black pants? What's the big deal, besides the censorship you male, animal characters have needed for the longest."

-After the game was over-

_The Chess Master!_ dropped to the floor. "I can't believe I lost."

"You've faced the power of my now stronger, hyper form. You couldn't help but lose."

"NOOOO!!!!! You gonna buy something or leave?"

"Oh sure, a medium pizza."

"Toppings?"

"Large amounts of CHAOS! Mwahaha!!!"

"Get out before I call the cops."

-- Night-time at the town fair.

From a blimp high in the sky, the mayor was addressing the town via megaphone, "Welcome everyone to the Celebration of the Emerald! We have emeralds from all around the world here and...woah wait, what's happening? Who's there? Quick, generic no-name citizens, save me!"

The megaphone was taken over by someone, "Hello, my name is Rouge the Bat, and I have a rather sharp knife in my hand and the mayor in the other. If you want to save your mayor, gather all the emeralds, and give them to me."

"Listen to her!" yelled the Mayor. "I know you guys want me to act selfless, but I'm just not feeling that way."

"No, Rouge, the emeralds belong to me," said a shadowy figure from atop of a tall building.

"Another day, another wannabe Batman," commented a citizen.

Mega Knuckles leaped down from the building and started devouring emeralds from the fair, "Level up!"

"What, Knuckles levels up from eating emeralds now?" wondered Rouge. "Anyway, Knuckles, I won't let anyone take emeralds that are rightfully mine."

The mayor used Rouge's distraction to his advantage. He slipped out of her grip and grabbed her knife. "Now, villain, it's time that you face to the power of MAYOR."

"What can you do?" asked Rouge, not feeling threatened.

"I've been told that when I dance, it's deadly towards my partner." The mayor started doing a dance so ugly and out of step that Rouge was knocked out of the blimp and into the sidewalk. The impact cracked the sidewalk and made Rouge unconscious.

"I sure dropped you like you were hot," laughed the Mayor.

Mega Knuckles waved to the Mayor, "Thank You, I have to deal with one less confrontation now." Knuckles devoured all of the emeralds and ran off.

"Mayor," said a citizen, "what do we celebrate now?"

"Celebration of the Dance!" said the Mayor. He started dancing again.

Everyone looked at Rouge.

"I have an idea," said one citizen. "Let's arrest the mayor so this fate doesn't befall anyone ever again."

"How about we just send him to Dance School?" suggested another citizen.

-- On the other side of town.

Tails ran up to Sonic who was lounging on the beach. "Sonic, I've heard that Knuckles has leveled up! And he made me have to stay past my regular hours to clean up his mess."

"Okay," said Sonic.

"I heard he has a hyper form now, and he's eating emeralds."

"Nothing you've been saying compels me to do something heroic."

"He's doing evil things though!"

"Is he trying to destroy the world and/or enslave it?"

"Well, I don't think so."

"Then leave me alone."

"But, Sonic..."

"Look, you had all those 'Believe in Myself' themes in the Adventure games, right? You be the hero for this one, okay?"

"Okay," said Tails. He went off. "Boy, Sonic's pretty rude today."

-Back on the Beach-

"Foolish Tails, it was really me, Mega Knuckles, in disguise! ...It's really a lovely day at the beach."

--

Tails was standing in front of a prison, "I won't have Sonic for this mission, but I'm gonna need some help for this one."

To Be Continued.


	29. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting E

"People have been saying that our Sonic games are too cartoony and childish," announced Crew Member A.

"What? Didn't they see how many times we added 'Damn' in Shadow the Hedgehog?!" spouted the Head Director.

"They say with characters like Charmy and Amy in it, it really loses its edge," addressed Crew Member A.

"I have an idea!" said Crew Member B. "Let's play Mario Party 8."

-After Mario Party 8-

"Great idea, Crew Member B. It was Wiitastic," said the Head Director.

"But we still have to take care of the 'too cartoony' problem," said Crew Member A.

"Oh, let's just add more angst and disorders to the cheery characters and see how the audience reacts."

--

Hey kids, Sonic's back for an all-new adventure.

-Scene 1-

"You won't get away this time, Sonic!" yelled Eggman.

"C'mon. C'mon. Shoot at me so I can feel some excitement!" said Sonic.

-Scene 2-

-Sonic is seen running past Amy-

"There goes my only beloved. Never to stop and greet me. Never to love me with the passion I have gave him. My heart beats in agony every time he passes me by. I will not follow him, I will sulk. Thou doth have forsaken me, Sonikku..."

-Scene 3-

Knuckles comes running up, "Charmy, we need to..."

"What's so charming about being a bee?" said Charmy. "I lay awake at night wondering why I should be so peppy and happy. My mother died while fending off an attack from a bear. What do I have to be happy about?"

-Scene 4-

"Yeah, they call me Cream, and so what if I'm a little fat?!? I loved ice cream when I was little. Nobody told me it would make me a whale when I grew up. I just want to die. Please don't save the world this time, Sonic."

**Sonic Angstventure - Coming to shelves sometime after therapy is over.**

-Scene 5-

"Hi, Cream."

"GET THAT CAMERA AWAY FROM ME!!" -sob-


	30. OT: A SonicxShadow Parody

Shadow's POV

When I first saw Sonic, I was surprised somebody made a copy of me.

Besides that, he has ADHD. I never understood why his so called 'friends' never got him on medication. Other than that, Sonic is like an annoying monkey that needs to be put to sleep. Everyone always assumes I'm friends with him because I help him save the world sometimes. The only reason I ever do that is because the newspaper boy is running off schedule, and without my newspaper, I need something else to do.

To me, Sonic is an untrained dog that pees everywhere and calls it 'fun.'

Yet I can't help getting a weird feeling in my stomach whenever I'm around him...

Oh wait, that's just the passion to kill.

Sonic's POV

When I first saw Shadow, I was surprised Sega made a copy of me.

Somehow, he's popular with the fans. Which I never really got how that happened when he carries around all that angst and bad vibes. Shadow needs to mellow out and be nicer. I can barely stand to be around him.

To me, Shadow is some brooding teenager who needs to get more sunlight.

Though I can't help but feel awkward whenever I talk about him...

Or maybe I'm still digesting those chili-dogs.

--

Through random, unseen, and unknown circumstances, Shadow and Sonic are put under the same roof in a new house.

--

Sonic's POV

OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!! ANGST AWKWARD SIMGLETYBLOOP!!

House's POV

When I first found out Sonic and Shadow were moving into me, I got a strange sensation in my abdomen. Later, I found out that was from my door being opened. Houses sure have strange anatomies.

Shadow's POV

I'm lonely and cold on the inside. I don't really get the point of these POV's. Am I supposed to be revealing something or what? If you're in my mind to get some dirt, then you can have this secret: I don't like you. Now leave me alone.

Sonic's POV

I bet Shadow would even be mentally mean to people if he could. That jerk. How am I ever going to be able to co-exist with him?! I bet I can warm his cold heart. ...Where did that line come from?

--

"Shadow, give me the remote. It's my turn to have the TV."

"I don't care."

"Oh Shadow, why are you so cruel?!" Sonic ran out of the room crying.

Shadow realized something as he watched the hurt Sonic run out of the room: "I don't care."

The Next Day.

"Shadow, we should do something together," suggested Sonic.

"You're certainly out of character."

"Being out of character is practically the only way possible one can make a hinted yaoi story out of us."

"Yep."

"So yeah, let's do something together." Sonic's heart pounded with passion at the prospect of going somewhere alone with Shadow. Maybe Sonic could finally make sense of the awkward feeling he felt talking about Shadow earlier (that was most likely just gas trying to make its way out).

"No."

"C'mon."

"No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's probably just some cheap way for you to work out some romance."

"but Shadow, I want to be with you."

"See!?"

Sonic ran out of the room crying. "Shadow, you're so mean."

"How many times do I have to repeat it? I don't care." Then some completely uncanon feeling was felt inside Shadow. He felt bad for Sonic...but his overwhelming feeling of not caring drowned it out.

1 Hour later.

Sonic came back into the room. "Shadow, I baked you a cake."

"No, really, since when can Sonic the Hedgehog bake cakes?!"

"I'm the girl in this fanfic, so I do lots of emotional things and bake stuff for you."

"Whatever. What flavor is it?"

"Chocolate."

"I'll eat it, but I still won't like you." Shadow took a bite out of the cake.

"I made it with love," Sonic said amorously.

Shadow rolled his eyes. "If you want me to eat this then go into the other room, where I don't have to see you."

Another hour later.

Sonic walked in. "You wanna go somewhere now?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"But I made you a cake."

"Oh yeah, the cake. I give it a 2 out of 5."

"Shadow why whywhywhywhywhywhywhy WHY? ANGST!!"

"Um, okay."

Yet another hour later.

Sonic crawled towards Shadow. "Shadow, please let's do something together. PLEASE? There's a carnival in town!"

"No."

Sonic grabbed Shadow's arm and started dragging him out of the house. "Sonic, if you don't let go of me, that arm is coming off."

Sonic ignored him and ran to the carnival, dragging Shadow all the way. "Shadow, I took us to this place of merriment so we can be happy together."

"I really don't like you."

"Well, we're here so let's go on rides!"

Shadow rolled his eyes and gave up. So Sonic and Shadow went on lots of generic rides and had lots of generic fun.

After the carnival.

"That was decent," stated Shadow.

"Shadow, let's go somewhere to watch the sunset."

"Why?"

"That'll be the place you'll most likely reveal your feelings to me. Thus making our bond stronger."

"You know what, I'm going to uncharacteristically go along with that."

At some cliff while looking at the sunset...

"Back on the Space Colony ARK..." started Shadow. "A bad experiment caused a tornado that took away all of my Yu-Gi-Oh cards. I was devastated. It was then that Maria told me that tornadoes naturally and commonly occur on Earth. I decided to hate Earth and all that inhabit it. I hide behind my fear of card-snatching tornadoes and cover up my tracks with anger. -sob-"

"But Shadow, you have me now," Sonic said with a smile.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that..I ..um.."

"So you're saying you can stop tornadoes?"

"Well no, but.."

"Then why try to comfort me with words when you can't stop tornadoes that happen every day? You really make me sick, Sonic."

While driving home.

-plunk clug clug plunk- "Oh no, my car broke down," said Shadow.

"What's weirder than that is we ran to the carnival. I don't know how your car got here," said Sonic.

"I'll call AAA to pick us up. While we wait, there's more time to talk about awkward things."

"I guess I'll explain my backstory to you now then," said Sonic. "When I was little, I went to the dentist. I ate too much candy and didn't brush frequently so they were going to have to do a lot of work on my teeth. They gave me an overdose of laughing gas and I laughed so hard that I turned blue. -sob- Shadow, hold me!" Sonic tried to hug Shadow, but Shadow dodged.

-thunder crackle boom-

"Did I also mention I'm afraid of thunder?" said Sonic as he now shivered. "This would be the perfect time to hold me and tell me it's gonna be okay."

"It would be," said Shadow as he imagined running Sonic over.

"...So, Hold Me!"

"Geez, Sonic, when did you become so needy?"

Later, at home.

"I'm glad both of those guys are gone," said the house. "I guess I'll catch up on my reading...Oh no, someone's coming! I need to make like a house and house. HOUSE HOUSE HOUSE."

Shadow busted through the door. "No, I don't want to take a shower with you, Sonic."

"But Shadow!! ...Hey wait, do you hear the word 'house' being said?"

("Oh yeah, I forgot, houses don't actually say 'house.' I hope I haven't blown my cover,") thought the house.

Through some weird tripping, Shadow somehow fell on top of Sonic. They were both looking into each other's eyes.

"Shadow, I..I..." Sonic blushed.

"Sonic, I..." -Chop- Shadow cut off Sonic's arm. "..keep my promises."

"Ah!! Could you at least call the hospital?"

"You see, this goes back to that subpar cake you made." Shadow left the room with Sonic's arm.

"WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME, SHADOW!?"

The Next Day at Tails's house.

"He gave the cake you made him a low score? That's harsh," said Tails.

"It was even more harsh getting my severed arm away from him and to the hospital in time to get it sewed back on," Sonic explained.

"Shadow's a jerk, Sonic. I don't know why you like him."

"I can't explain it. It's just that in some uncanonical, out-of-character, cliché way...I do."

"But you haven't even got anywhere in your relationship with him."

"Well, this morning..."

-flashback-

"Shadow, tell me more about yourself."

"How did you get your arm back?"

"Tell me more about your past."

"If you want to know more about my past so much then play Shadow the Hedgehog. Where you can choose your own path and go on a fun frenzy. Available in stores everywhere."

"Play that piece of junk? No thanks."

Shadow teared up.

"Shadow, I didn't mean to..."

"Don't look at me!!" Shadow ran away.

-end flashback-

"So I think that was a breakthrough somewhere," finished Sonic.

"Riiiight," said Tails. "Anyway, I set you up on a date with Amy."

"WHY?!"

"Because that's what friends do. Set you up on dates with people you never really cared for/noticed."

"Just why? Why would you do this to me?" Sonic cried.

"She'll be over at 6pm"

At 6:00 p.m.

("Maybe I can at least get jealousy out of Shadow if I pretend to enjoy my time with Amy,") thought Sonic. "Shadow, Amy's coming over for a date today," Sonic announced with enthusiasm.

"Oh really now?" replied Shadow. "Finally caved in and took Amy, eh Sonic?"

-Knock Knock-

"She's at the door," Sonic yelled with a grin.

"Wait wait, don't open it yet," said Shadow.

("This is it! Shadow is finally going to admit he has feelings for me!")

"My rice hasn't finished boiling yet," said Shadow. "I need a bowl when I'm watching my entertainment."

"Entertainment?"

"Yeah, the bi-polar girl and ADHD kid show. I just know you two won't disappoint."

Sonic opened the door.

"SONIKKU!!" Amy tightly hugged Sonic.

"Hi, Amy," Sonic said annoyed.

"I brought over my parents so they could give us their blessings."

"What?!" said Sonic.

"Gold," said Shadow, eating his rice.

After the date of wonders.

"Okay, so Amonic will be the name of our first born. Bye, Sonikku!" Amy said while leaving with her parents.

("Hopefully, Shadow got jealous,") thought Sonic. Sonic looked around. "Wait, Shadow isn't even here!"

Shadow walked in.

"Shadow, where were you?"

"I got bored around the time Amy's parents started harassing you to get a job to pay for your future offspring, so I decided to go pick up the gun I ordered."

"Why did you need to get a gun?"

"Incase you decided to try to bother me again once Amy left."

-gulp- "I'm gonna spend tonight over Tails's house."

"Good plan, target..I mean Sonic," said Shadow, loading the gun.

The next morning at 6am, Sonic came busting into the house. "Shadow! I MADE YOU ANOTHER CAKE!!"

("Oh boy, the crazed one is here again. It was so nice when the angry one was only here,") thought the house as it tried to get back to sleep.

Shadow came out of his room and over to Sonic. "I've been thinking. The night you were away, I realized you're really special to me, Sonic."

"Really, Shadow?!"

"Yeah, so I got you something very special."

"Oh Shadow," Sonic said with a twinkle in his eyes.

Shadow slowly pulled out medication. "Take it, Sonic."

Shadow crammed the pills down Sonic's throat. "Shadow. This. Isn't. Love. -gulg glug-"

"By 'special to me,' I meant the day your noisy self wasn't here, I felt a little better about the world."

The Next Day.

Shadow's POV

Ever since that 'special day,' living with Sonic has been really tolerable. Most of the time he'll just sit in one spot and read. I love this Sonic. It's so quiet, and I'm so happy.

Sonic's new POV

Everything has been okay. Shadow's okay. Living's okay. The sky is okay. Everything's been okay.

A/N: Credit for this chapter's plot goes to Taranea.


	31. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting F

"Okay, we need some new names for the new stages in the next game," addressed Crew Member A.

"What are the settings of the new stages?" asked the Head Director.

"One stage is set in a tropical forest inhabited by Tarzan-modeled Eggman robots."

"Tarzan Forest Green, perhaps?" suggested Crew Member B.

"I like 'Ghetto Green Garden' better," said Crew Member C, "and it has alliterations. Everyone loves alliterations in their stage names."

"Ghetto Green Garden it is," declared the Head Director.

"Okay," said Crew Member A. "The next stage is set in a carnival at night."

"Let's call it 'Carnival Night Zone,'" said the Head Director.

"That was what we called the carnival level in Sonic the Hedgehog 3, sir," said Crew Member D.

"Okay, then let's call it 'Night Carnival Zone,'" said the Head Director.

"I think that's what we called that carnival level in Sonic Rush," said Crew Member E.

"Then let's call it 'Carnival Day Zone'," said the Head Director.

"But the stage is at night," said Crew Member A.

"Shut up."

Crew Member A rolled his eyes, "Okay, 'Carnival _Day_ Zone' it is. The next stage is set in space."

"We need a name that screams fast-paced adventure!" said the Head Director.

"Hazardous Space?" suggested Crew Member F.

"You're fired," said the Head Director.

-After Crew Member F left-

"Ya know, I liked that name. _Hazardous_ Space. That sounds pretty cool," said the Head Director.

"If you liked it, then why did you fire him?" asked Crew Member A.

"I am shrouded in mystery."

"I wasn't that sure of when to say this...but I don't really care for Sonic games," said Crew Member G.

"You've been promoted to Crew Member F!" announced the Head Director.

"Right, well the next stage is set in the ocean, and you constantly ride waves to get around," stated Crew Member A.

"Tubular Tidal," suggested Crew Member G/F.

"More Extreeeeeeeeeeme," said the Head Director.

"Tenacious Tidal?" suggested Crew Member G/F.

"Sure," said the Head Director.

"Head Director, do people even really care about the stage names?" asked Crew Member H.

"Probably not."

"Okay?" responded Crew Member H, not sure of what to make of this meeting.

"Ever notice how all you crew members basically talk alphabetically?" said the Head Director.

"I think we should have a meeting about that issue," said Crew Member I.

"I agree," said the Head Director. "Crew Member Z will most likely never get any face-time."

Crew Member J looked around, "I think Crew Member Z already died from inactivity."


	32. Step Six Part 3

-- At a local Jewelry Shop

"Give me all your emeralds!" yelled Mega Knuckles.

"Sir, this is a bank," said the Bank Teller.

"Oh. ...well could you just play along then?"

"Will you open up an account?"

"I don't have any money to deposit."

"Get lost."

-- Meanwhile, in Prison.

-Missile Crash-

"Prison Break!" yelled one of the inmates.

"You probably should have just broke me out alone," said the Director. "Now all of the bloodthirsty criminals have been set free too."

"My bad," said Tails. "I need you to help me stop Knuckles from being evil."

"I don't want to see his face anymore."

"But you're the Director. You're suppose to direct people into a brighter life."

"I'm suppose to, but I don't feel like it anymore. Being in prison has taught me that I don't like Knuckles. And I learned that already when I wasn't in prison."

"Only you can help him."

"I won't do it."

"Has being in prison made you forget all the good things helping addicts has brought you?"

"My paycheck?"

"and..."

"Community Service hours?"

"and and..."

"...saving people from themselves?"

"Yes."

"You're right, Tails. We have to talk some sense into Knuckles. THEN I'LL BURN HIM."

-- Later, in Prison.

"It was just a joke, Tails! Get me outta here...again!"

"And you won't burn Knuckles?"

"No way."

"I'll get the missile," said Tails.

-Missile Boom-

"Prison Break Vol. 2!" yelled an inmate.

-After they escaped from prison-

"But will just the two of us be enough to stop him?" asked the Director.

-A blinding blue light appeared-

"Wah!" yelled Tails, as he closed his eyes. Once the light was gone, Tails and the Director opened their eyes and saw a shark-like character.

"Hi, guys," said the shark.

"There's a note attached to it," the Director pointed to the shark's vest and went to read it:

_Sonic Team Headquarters heard that you guys were having trouble with Knuckles. We decided to throw out another character to help you in your fight._

_This character's name is 'Cookies the Shark.'_

_Personality: Nice, hungry.  
Abilities: Sharp Teeth can break just about anything.  
Appearance: Shark-human-animal thing with a red shirt and purple vest. It walks on his Tail.  
Connections to current cast: Tails's brother.  
Likes: Cookies  
Dislikes: Disco and people who cut off shark's fins and then throw the shark back into the ocean.  
_

_You're welcome._

_Sincerely, _

_the Head Director._

_P.S. If Cookies the Shark doesn't eat at least one cookie every hour, I'd suggest getting as far away as possible._

"This guy is my brother?!" Tails said in confusion.

"Yep, hi bro," said Cookies, while he munched on cookies.

"Well, I guess we have our team now," said the Director a little disappointed.

"Let's go defeat Knuckles!" said Tails, and they were off.

-- Elsewhere at the Jewelry Shop.

"Give me all of your emeralds!" yelled Mega Knuckles.

"Sir, this is Burger King."

"-sigh- I'll take a whopper."

"Here you are, sir."

"Thanks."

"Unhand that whopper, you beast!" shouted Tails.

"Well well well, if it isn't my old nemesises...esis...my old enemies: Tails, the Director, and Shark Thing."

"But you just met me," said Cookies.

"So?"

"Are you gonna eat that whopper?" asked Cookies.

"I was, but then you guys showed up," said Mega Knuckles annoyed.

-Chomp-

"You ate my whopper!" screamed Mega Knuckles. "That's it, it's time to battle!"

**FIGHT!**

Tail propelled forward in an attempt to punch Mega Knuckles yet missed as he was easily dodged. Tails's failed attack landed him in the deep fryer. "Ah! He's too fast and Ah! This grease is cooking me alive!"

The Director ran forward and tried to karate chop Mega Knuckles into oblivion. After a direct hit, the Director was face down on the floor. "Oh yeah, I don't know karate." -faint-

Cookies the Shark was too busy eating cookies to help, but he offered moral support. "Get him, Tails! I'm sure that lost skin will heal if you try harder. Director, don't just faint; rise up, and stop the villain!"

Mega Knuckles approached Cookies. "And what are you going to do to stop me?" said Mega Knuckles, ready to attack.

"SHARK BITE." Cookies lunged forward to try to take a bite out of Mega Knuckles, only to be punched down.

"You guys are pathetic. I could beat you all in a heartbeat."

The Director slowly gained consciousness, "But what will you do if you beat us, Knuckles?"

"More evil things."

"You don't want to do evil things, Knuckles. Don't you remember your friends who you deeply cherish?"

"Not really," said Mega Knuckles, reflecting.

"Tails NOW!" yelled the Director.

Tails threw hot right-out-of-the-fryer fries at Mega Knuckles.

"Ow no, stop. Ow no, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Mega Knuckles fell to the ground.

"We did it!" yelled the Director.

"Yay, let's eat," said Cookies.

And so Tails, the Director, and Cookies the Shark sat down and ate at Burger King. The End.

"Not Quite," said Mega Knuckles rising from the ground. "That shark still owes me a whopper."

"Okay, I'll buy you one," said Cookies.

And so Tails, the Director, Cookies the Shark, and Mega Knuckles sat down and ate at Burger King. The End.

"Not Quite," said the Manager. "Your little fight drove away my customers and ruined my deep fat fryer."

And so Tails, the Director, Cookies the Shark, Mega Knuckles, and the Manager sat down to discuss reimbursement. The End.

"Not Quite," said an Old Man. "Any of you guys got some spare change?"

"I do," said Tails.

"Wait a second," said Mega Knuckles. "I'm evil, what am I doing here just eating without a care? I'm going to destroy all of you and this place."

"No, we expect you to get up to get your own refills," said the Manager. "It's no use getting angry over it."

"But I shouldn't have to get my own refill," said Mega Knuckles, "your workers should come and ask to refill my drink using _their_ legs."

"Then I'd suggest going to a 5-star restaurant for that kind of service."

"That's it! Since you guys defeated me in my normal form, and since I have to get my own refills, I'll have to go hyper to finish you off!"

"Let me finish my meal first," said Cookies.

"Fine."

5 minutes later.

"Are you done yet?" asked Mega Knuckles.

"Wait wait wait," said Cookies. "I'm telling them about this hilarious story between..."

"HYPER MODE ACTIVATE!" A rainbow of colors flashed, and everyone suddenly got the urge to dance. "With the donning of these pants, I am HYPER MEGA KNUCKLES!"

"Oh No, Knuckles transformed! And now has pants!" yelled Tails.

"Geez, Tails. You're acting like one of those worthless point-out-the-obvious anime characters," commented the Director.

"We have to stop him!" yelled Cookies. "And I'm a shark!"

"It must be contagious," said the Director.

Hyper Mega Knuckles jumped into the air and stomped onto the floor, which created an earthquake.

"Waaaaahhhhhhhhh" cried Tails.

The ceiling tile was coming down on them. Then hundreds of dynamite sticks rained down from the ceiling.

"You had dynamite in your ceiling?" questioned the Director to the Manager.

"Yeah, I use to be a construction worker," said the Manager.

"That doesn't explain dynamite enclosed in your ceiling."

"Yeah, it doesn't."

"It doesn't matter." said Tails. "We can use that dynamite to defeat Knuckles."

"You mean blow him up," corrected Cookies.

"Great Plan," said the Director, with fire in his eyes. "I'll light the first one." And a dynamite stick was soon lit.

"Director! We needed a plan first!" said Tails. "Now we have a lit stick of dynamite, and we're surrounded by hundreds of other sticks of dynamite."

"That's bad," noticed the Director.

"Is anyone else hungry?" asked Cookies.

"I've got it!" said the Director. "Let's have the shark eat the lit stick of dynamite, and then we'll run far, far away."

"That'd be a great plan if we weren't the good guys," said Tails.

"Maybe you guys are forgetting my special ability," said Cookies.

"Yeah, the shark bite thing," said Tails, feeling hopeless.

"No, my _Shark Cannon_."

"Shark Cannon?"

"Simply insert an object into my gills and I'll be able to shoot it out of my mouth as fast as a cannon."

"Okay!" The Director hurried and crammed handfuls of dynamite sticks up Cookie's gills.

"One at a time. You're completely blocking my gills! I can't breath."

"A shark on land isn't suppose to be able to breath in the first place," muttered Tails.

("Hmm, I probably should just kill them now instead of watching them come up with plans to stop me,") thought Hyper Mega Knuckles. "You guys can struggle all you want, but I'm going to finish you off now."

Hyper Mega Knuckles came forward to deliver the final blow. The Director took out the previous sticks of dynamite and shoved the lit stick up Cookie's gill.

"SHARK CANNON COMMENCE!" Cookies shot out the dynamite at Hyper Mega Knuckles's mouth. It was swallowed.

"Uh oh," Hyper Mega Knuckles said, while rubbing his stomach.

"Everyone, duck and cover under the dynamite sticks!" yelled the Director.

-BOOOOOOOM- Mega Knuckles was blown away from the inside and shot out of Burger King.

"We defeated Hyper Mega Knuckles!" They all cheered. "Even though wouldn't the saliva in his mouth defuse the dynamite?"

-- Meanwhile at the Jewelry shop.

"There's been no business today," sighed the Clerk, as he peered outside through the window. He saw something coming his way. "What's that in this sky?"

-Crash- A creature landed into the shop.

"Yay, a customer!" yelled the Clerk. "What kind of jewel will you be wanting, sir?" he said to a burnt mass of echidna on the floor.

"J-Jewel?" said Mega Knuckles struggling to comprehend. Knuckles couldn't even move his body and apparently turned back into Mega Knuckles from the previous blast.

"Yes, we've got diamonds, sapphires and the like."

"You do? Mwahahahaha!"

"Hahaha?"

"HAHAHAHA!"

"um yeah, I guess diamonds are pretty funny."

"Bring me a jewel."

"Okay." The clerk brought a giant diamond to Mega Knuckles.

"Put it into my mouth."

"What?"

"It's how I inspect it."

"I don't know if I should..."

"I'll give you a big tip."

"In your mouth it goes, sir."

-crunch- "Level Up! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!" laughed Mega Knuckles, as he stood up in his new power.

"y-yeah, I guess saying 'level up' is pretty funny too."

"I'm not giving you a tip."

"Aw..."

"OH NO! Knuckles has leveled up again!" said Tails, running up to the scene.

"Let's shoot more dynamite at him in a reckless fashion!" said the Director, who lit 5 sticks of dynamite and put them into Cookies's gills one after another.

"SHARK CANNON COMMENCE!" yelled Cookies.

-Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom-

"Is he defeated yet?" said Tails.

"No," said Mega Knuckles. He hardly flinched from the dynamite.

"He's a level stronger now!" yelled Cookies.

"Again with pointing out the obvious," sighed the Director.

"Foolish weaklings. With my newfound power, you cannot defeat me."

"You're right." admitted the Director.

"So I'm going to underestimate all of you and leave you here, when I could just defeat you right now I might add, and give you guys time to regroup and maybe gain the power to defeat me. Bye."

To Be Continued.


	33. OT: How Sonic's Adventures Were Created

"Mr. Head Director, where did you get your inspiration for Sonic the Hedgehog and his exploits?" asked the Game Magazine Representative.

"Well, when I was little, I had a very, mean cousin. My aunt would always bring him over to my house when she came to see my mother. My mother and aunt always made me and my cousin go to the playground together. When we went to the playground, he started attacking me. I had to run home and tell his mother on him.

Sadly, my house was seven houses away. Somehow, at each house, he'd set up traps and obstacles for me to die. One house I had to run by had a sand trap. Another had tacks everywhere. Yet another house had bubble wrap. I'd always narrowly escape though and get to my aunt, and that's when she'd scold my cousin."

"So you're saying that all of Sonic's adventures are based off of you and your mean cousin?" asked the Game Representative.

"Yep, Every one of them."

"Sonic Adventure was based off of...?"

"One visit, my cousin got a water gun and squirted me a lot. I had to get back to my house while being pelted with water. I decided to call the water gun 'Chaos.'"

"And Sonic Adventure 2?"

"One visit, my cousin brought over his mean friend, and they both tried to attack me before I got home to tell on them. This time, my cousin started throwing eggs at me. I started calling him 'Eggman.'"

"Sonic Heroes?"

"All the kids in the neighborhood saw me being under attack for so long so they teamed up with me to get home and tell on my cousin."

"I'll never look at Sonic storylines the same way again."

"Yep, It's pretty much you looking straight at my childhood pain."

The Game Representative started doubting the story, "So how do you explain Sonic Next-Gen's storyline in relation to you and your cousin?"

"My cousin tried to unlock a mythical beast from the neighborhood crazy girl's tears. Kids from the future saw my plight and came to help me tell my auntie on him."

"Yeah, I'm leaving."

"When will my story be featured?"

"Never."


	34. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting G

"People won't stop complaining about our voice actors," said Crew Member A.

"Maybe we shouldn't have replaced the decent voice actors with the 4kids dumpster squad," said the Head Director.

"I still stand by my belief that 4kids got their voice actors right off the street," commented Crew Member B.

"What can we do about this dilemma?" asked Crew Member C.

"Nothing at all," replied the Head Director.


	35. Step Six Part 4

Interview #12 - Mr. McDonalds

A clown walked in, "My name is Mr. McDonalds, and I'd put a smile on the face of all addicts."

"And your qualifications?" asked the Supervisor.

"Put a smile on."

"Yes, smiling is good, but qualifications are better. Do you understand?"

"Everybody c'mon, put a smile on."

Interview # 20 - Betty Destructor

"And I told him, 'if you don't stop playing video games, I'm going to beat you senseless.' The next day, he didn't play a single game. It was then I knew I had the gift to stop addicts."

"...We don't allow our staff to use violence to stop addictions."

"Just so you know, I consider not hiring me, an addiction," said Betty, rolling up her sleeves.

("I knew I should have had the police sit in on this.")

Interview # 36 - The Great Gary

"And I feel like I can really help everyone," said Gary.

"Well, your resume is decent, and you really seem competent."

"There's just one problem."

"And that is?..."

"I'm deathly afraid of people."

"Um, I'm a person."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"-sigh- There doesn't seem to be any qualified addict helpers in this bunch," said the Supervisor. "I wish the old director didn't go nuts."

--

"How are we going to defeat Mega Knuckles?" asked the depressed Tails.

"Mhmm, cookies," said Cookies, while eating cookies.

"We'll just need to get stronger to defeat him," said the Director.

"But what will make us stronger?" asked Tails.

"I know," said Cookies. "Let's Get Out and Go Play _America_!"

-After a rousing time of playing sports-

"That burnt calories, but I'm pretty sure we can't stop a super madman with strength gained from playing soccer," commented Tails.

"We might," said Cookies.

"Foolish weaklings, try as you might, but you can't beat me," said Mega Knuckles, while playing volleyball.

"See," said Tails. "Knuckles is playing sports too."

"And I've lost 10 pounds from strenuous activity, making me even more formidable. Hahaha," laughed Mega Knuckles.

"We need another way of getting stronger."

"Eating right, such as vegetables with every meal?" suggested Cookies.

"Are you some kind of health-promoting shark?" asked the Director.

"I think so."

("That wasn't in the character description,") thought Tails.

"Then why do you keep eating cookies?" asked the Director.

"What's wrong with eating cookies?" said Cookies.

"They're unhealthy and rot your teeth."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I'm sure if you didn't eat them your Shark Bite attack would be twice as powerful."

"Then I'm going to have to stop eating cookies in a hurry," said Cookies, while munching on cookies.

"Anytime now," said the Director.

"I'm done," said Cookies, devouring his last cookie.

"You guys, we need to think of ways to get stronger," moaned Tails.

"We should go back in time so I can savor my last cookie again," suggested Cookies.

"Any other ideas?"

"I heard you can find lots of interesting people down dark alleys," said Cookies.

After walking around at nighttime, the crew found an alley. Once they entered the alley...

"Foolish mortals. You will never defeat Knuckles at your current level," said a figure from the shadows.

"That voice!" cried Tails.

"That's right, it is I, THE BIOLIZARD. And I can help you be stronger."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you aren't the type of person...thing?...that we want training us," said Tails, as he instructed his crew to keep moving forward.

"What's wrong with me?" asked the Biolizard.

"You're more of a crybaby than a strong entity," said the Director, as they hurried away.

"Oh Yeah! Well I didn't want to train you anyways. Hmph," snarled the Biolizard. ("Don't cry, Bio. Don't let them see you cry.")

The back alley was a place full of wonder. There was graffiti, litter, and breakdancers abound. Tails, Cookies, and the Director kept walking deeper into the darkest part of the alley. They found it strange that there was a headlight in the middle of the alley. When they walked under it, they found there were numerous sets of eyes staring at them from the darkness of every direction.

"Hello," said Tails. "We've come looking for a trainer to help us gain the power to defeat Knuckles."

"You're interrupting our meeting," said a voice from the darkness. "You know not the powers you mess with."

"You guys can't be that powerful if you conduct your meetings in back alleys," said the Director.

"Jerk," responded one of the sets of eyes.

The sets of eyes consorted with each other, "Whose job was it to train youngsters?"

A being came into the light, "We've decided to help you."

"Omochao!" said Tails. "Are you going to train us?"

"No, I already trained Knuckles. It'd be pretty weird to train his enemies."

"Then who?" asked Tails.

-Another figure stepped into the light-

"Dr. Eggman!" yelled Tails.

"Yes," replied Eggman with satisfaction.

"..."

"Well?"

"What?"

"Aren't you going to ask me to help train you?"

"No."

"Why not?!"

The Director spoke up, "You're a sad man who can't even best a small, hyperactive hedgehog. You'd probably make us weaker."

"I'll show you who's weak!" Eggman ran into the darkness and came back with a giant robot. "Now what do you say?"

Tails jumped on it. The machine went crashing down.

"See?" said the Director.

"It wasn't my fault! The jumps of Sonic and his pals are _deadly_."

"Oh sure," said the Director, rolling his eyes. "Anyone else?"

Another person entered the light. This person was chubby and had a black apron on. The man also had a thick, black mustache.

"I'm an evil pizza man," said the man.

"Oh," responded the Director. "Next."

"Wait, you didn't hear my background story yet. Once I was the owner of a popular pizza shop. Before I knew it, some chess-playing kid came and built a 'pizza bucket' in my domain. I couldn't take it! I went over to his place and demanded that he move away and leave pizza-making to me. He told me that he'd leave if I beat him in a chess match. I challenged him...and lost. It was all downhill from there."

"How did losing a chess match make everything go downhill?" asked Cookies.

"Well, being that I had actual competition now, I had to make my pizzas better. I had to try to purchase better ingredients than the Pizza Bucket's, which costs me more money. I had to stop watering down the sauce. I had to get _organic_ vegetables. My life was a wreck."

"but it's great for the consumer," replied Cookies.

"I don't care. Capitalism ruined my life. So I decided to hate Capitalism; the system that brought me competition. I donned a black apron and became The Communist Pizza!"

"Again, Next," said the Director.

"Cookies, this back alley isn't very helpful," said Tails.

"Hey, it's not my fault you guys can't settle," said Cookies.

"Fine, let's pick someone to train with then," sighed the Director.

"I'll take the pizza man," said Tails.

"I want Dr. Eggman," said Cookies.

"Well, I can't pick Omochao so what can I do?" said the Director.

"You can train with my prodigy," said Omochao, bringing a kid forward. "His name is Juan, and he's very powerful."

"Let's go play," said Juan.

"Fine," said the Director.

"Okay guys, see you after we get stronger," said Tails. They all went off with their partner.

("Heh, by 'prodigy' I meant some kid I just found playing on the street,") thought Omochao. ("Yeah, I'm pretty evil.")

1 Hour Later.

All three of them regroup.

"Hi guys," said Tails. "I've learned pizza-based attacks."

"I've learned that hedgehogs are the bane of society and must be extinguished," said Cookies.

"I've learned how to play Jacks," said the Director.

"We're practically in the same spot we started in," stated Tails, feeling doomed again.

Knuckles walked up, "Hey guys, I'm not evil anymore."

"Really?" said Cookies.

"Yep, I'm a good citizen again. I found that after I went to the bathroom, all the evil slipped away."

"This is unbelievable!" yelled Cookies in joy.

"Then why do I still feel such an evil aura around you?" asked Tails.

"Global Warming," responded Knuckles.

Everyone stared at Knuckles.

"So you found out my lie. I'm still Mega Knuckles!"

"I was just thinking about cookies," said Cookies.

"We've leveled up to beat you, Knuckles," said Tails. "Prepare to be defeated."

"Really now?"

"Let's get him team!"

**FIGHT!**

Tails approached Mega Knuckles with a block of Mozzarella cheese, "Mozzarella Meltdown!" The cheese melted around Tails's hands and hardened. "I'll introduce to you to my _Mozzarella Mash_," said Tails. He lunged forward at Mega Knuckles with a punch. Direct Hit! "Yeah!"

Mega Knuckles didn't move. "Mozzarella isn't a hard cheese. It feels like you're hitting me with a stiff pillow." Mega Knuckles grabbed Tails's arm and tossed him aside.

Cookies rushed forward, "I Hate Hedgehogs! I Hate Hedgehogs! I HATE THEM!"

"Is that even an attack?" asked Mega Knuckles.

"Verbally."

-Punch- Cookies was punched down.

"It's up to me," said the Director. He rolled some Jacks. ("Or was I supposed to roll a ball into the jacks?")

Mega Knuckles looked over, "And those are supposed to do...?"

"I guess you could trip over them or something."

"-sigh- I'm sick of all of this. HYPER MODE ACTIVATE!"

While transforming, Mega Knuckles trips over a jack.

"Ha!" said the Director.

"Oh, shut up," said Mega Knuckles. He finished transforming. "I am HYPER MEGA KNUCKLES!"

"Ah, Knuckles has transformed!" yelled Cookies.

"I still have one move up my sleeve," said Tails. "Sauce plus Water equals Profit!" Watery sauce rained down from the sky and hit Hyper Mega Knuckles. "Yes!"

Hyper Mega Knuckles was covered in sauce but not injured, "What is with you guys? Once a villain suddenly gains immeasurable amounts of power, they gloat and let the good guys go. Do you know why villains do this when they could easily just finish guys like you off?"

"Global Warming?" said Cookies, slowly pulling his face off the ground.

"No, it's because having lots of power with no competition would be boring. So we let you guys go free in hopes that you'll at least bridge the power distance _a little_ and come back providing entertainment...but these attacks are pitiful."

"Yet you tripped over my jack," smirked the Director.

"You shut up! I'm going to finish you all off now."

"No you're not," said a voice in the distance.

-The Biolizard, Eggman, and the Communist Pizza appeared-

"Who are you guys?" asked Mega Hyper Knuckles.

"We're BIOLIZARD HEROES," said the Biolizard while wagging its tail in unison with its words.

5 Minutes later, all 'Biolizard Heroes' were smashed against the ground.

"Ha! Is there no one who can defeat me?"

-Cookies the Shark menacingly floated over to Hyper Mega Knuckles-

"Since when can you fly?" Hyper Mega Knuckles raised an eyebrow.

"I HAVEN'T HAD MY COOKIES!" There was a fire in Cookie's eyes. A fire that would devour anything in its path.

Hyper Mega Knuckles punched Cookies in the nose. And that was that.

"So since there's no one left to fight now, I'll just destroy the world and live in villainy on Mars for eternity," said Hyper Mega Knuckles. He powered up for a final attack.

"Loser."

"Who said that?!" yelled Hyper Mega Knuckles.

-A boy walked forward-

"You're that kid from the mall," said Hyper Mega Knuckles.

"And you're that loser."

"Don't call me a loser. I'm super powerful now."

"Super Loser."

"What a poor dialect you have."

"What poor fashion sense you have. Those pants are ugly like your face."

"I'll kill you."

"_I'll kill you_," the kid said in a mocking tone.

Tails watched the scene and noticed Hyper Mega Knuckles was focusing all of his power on arguing with that kid. Tails thought of an idea, ("What if we burn his pants? Then Hyper Mega Knuckles's hyper power might vanish.")

The Director was pondering thoughts as well, such as, ("Nothing. Sure can't think of anything worthwhile right now." )

Even Cookies's mind was on overdrive, ("Without cookies to fill my stomach, I'm starting to crave flesh...")

Tails put his plan into action, "Director, I need you to burn Knuckles up!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"And no jail this time?"

"No jail. Can you do it?"

"I can, but I'll need some fire."

"Well, why don't you come on down to Applebee's for a good old-fashioned flame-grilled steak. When you come to Applebee's, you know you eatin' good in the neighborhood."

"Less product placement, more fire."

"Oh, well I don't have a match. ...but I'm sure Applebee's has matches."

"Never mind, I think I have one in my pocket."

Meanwhile..

"You shut up," screamed Hyper Mega Knuckles.

"Is the baby gonna cry?" said the kid.

"Shut up, shut up!!!"

Omochao appeared, "You've done well, my prodigy. Now give Knuckles the final blow."

"What?!" I thought I was your prodigy?" cried Hyper Mega Knuckles.

"Hey wait," said the Director. "I thought Juan was your prodigy?"

Omochao looked around at everyone, "Well, he was too, _technically, _I guess. ...This is a bit weird."

There were glares at Omochao filled with sadness, anger, and betrayal.

"I'm a villain! I do things like lie and trick then pit you against each other. It's what I'm supposed to do," exploded Omochao.

The looks didn't change.

"You know, it's not easy being a villain. Everyone always gets mad and disappointed at you. Don't you think _I've_ had it rough?"

Tails yelled to the Director, "The match, the match!"

"Oh, right." The Director sneaked over to Hyper Mega Knuckles and lit the match to his pants.

Hyper Mega Knuckles looked down, "My Hyper Pants are burning!"

"It's cus you're a loser," said the kid.

"Don't call me a loser."

"You are."

"I'm not."

The pants continued to burn, but Hyper Mega Knuckles was too busy arguing with the kid to put it out.

Once the fire completely burned the pants...

"My power is fading..." Hyper Mega Knuckles turned back into Mega Knuckles and fell to the ground where Omochao had just placed...another emerald! Mega Knuckles ate it, "Level up! Hahaha!"

Omochao smiled, "Let's expand this to another chapter! Mwahahahahaha."

To Be Continued.

Tails ran over, "NO NO NO. I am **not** going through another chapter of _this_." Mega Knuckles was kicked down and defeated permanently. "Now that Knuckles is defeated, we can get back to regular life."

-- Later at the hospital.

Knuckles woke up to to see Tails, the Director, Cookies the Shark, and the Supervisor sitting beside him.

"If he's dead, then let's just eat him," suggested Cookies. "Oh wait, he's alive."

"Guys, what happened?" asked Knuckles.

Cream was wheeled into the room. "You turned into an evil madman because you couldn't control yourself from the Master Emerald. You punched me to get to it, Mr. Knuckles."

"Oh. Well, I don't see what the big deal is," replied Knuckles.

"Supervisor!" shouted the Director. "Do you see what I've had to deal with?"

"I hereby reinstate you, Mr. Director," said the Supervisor. "Just don't physically abuse Knuckles, okay?"

"...Okay," said the Director.

"So what about Step Six?" asked Knuckles.

"You completed it," said the Director.

"How?"

"By turning into a monster thing and then stopping being a monster evil thing, you completed your step."

Knuckles stared at the Director.

"I'm tired!" cried the Director. "You finished it, OKAY?"

"Mr. Director," said the Supervisor, with a stern look.

"Fine." The Director tried again. "Knuckles, do you understand that everything you did today was horrible because of that emerald and your emerald lust?"

"But I wasn't consciously aware of it so how can I verify?"

The Director turned on the TV.

-News Flash-

"And here was the scene where a very angry Knuckles destroyed and hurt numerous things while in an evil fury," said the Reporter.

-Interview-

"He made me drop my lollipop," said one crying kid.

-End News Flash-

"Now do you understand, Knuckles?" asked the Director.

"Yes."

"Do you want to change?"

"Yes."

"Do you understand that you're defective?"

"..."

"Oh come on," yelled the Director. He wheeled Cream to Knuckles's face. "YOU WHEELCHAIRED AN INNOCENT RABBIT."

Knuckles sobbed, "Oh God, I need help."

"You're ready," said the Director, while laying down on the floor for a nap.

Step Six Complete.


	36. OT: Sonic & Mario's Problem

"Hello-a, my name is-a Luigi. I've come-a to you cus I saw you on da Dr. Phil show, and your friend Sonic seems to be going true da same problem as Mario."

"Mario?" said Knuckles. "Isn't he the guy that Sonic always tried to top in extreme sports for _fun_?"

"Yes, I-a always try to stop him, but he neva listen. Mario always puts-a kingdom in danger to top Sonic. Mario would provoke Bowser just so he could-a be doing something when Sonic was. In fact, Super Mario World could-a have been easily avoided".

"And I'd expect in a dry spell, Sonic would provoke Eggman because Mario was adventuring."

"If what you're saying is true, then Sonic 2, 3, and Knuckles as well as Super Mario World & Super Mario Bros. 3 were all **lies**."

"What about Super Mario Land and Mario Bros. 2?" asked Knuckles.

"No, those perils were by aliens and some dream dragon. Those were legitimate."

"So that Mario guy has the same 'go through 6 unnecessary stages' condition as Sonic?"

"Yes-a, but I fear Mario's condition will get worse with the debut of his new game, Super Mario Galaxy. He'll-a go to 6 unnecessary _worlds_ instead of going straight to da planet **he knows** the princess is at-a."

"And Sonic will see this and try to somehow top Mario by putting the Universe in danger then trying to save it," said Knuckles. "These problems have got to stop, and I know who could help us with this problem."

-- Enter Sonic

"Hi, Eggman, time for our final battle to stop your plan to take over the world. C'mon, get out your big robot," said Sonic.

"No need to. I already took it over," said Eggman.

"You what?"

"You were taking too long so I just went ahead and took over the world already."

"You couldn't have."

"But I have. Somewhere around fighting you on the 4th stage, I thought 'instead of wasting my time here, I could just simply take over the world while Sonic is running through loops like a maniac.'"

"Y-You're lying, Eggman."

"The government has already surrendered. Maybe if you weren't off prancing around with my millions of expendable robots, then you could have stopped me in time."

"Stop lying, Eggman!"

"Oh ho?"

A hologram of Tails in a cage was projected, "You disappoint me, Sonic." Tails looked away.

"T-Tails? Tails!"

"What with my new world order, I can't have somebody as reckless and irresponsible as you around. So, off to the moon with you, Sonic."

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" yelled Sonic into the sky.

"EGGGGGGMAAAAAAANNNNN!!!" yelled Eggman.

-- Enter Mario

"Hello, Princess. Sorry it took-a so long-a." Mario looked around to see no princess. Only a Toad.

"I'm sorry, Mario," said Toad.

Sad music played.

"Sorry about what-a?!?" said Mario, in shock.

"Our Princess is..."

"Stop-a da joking, eh Toad?" Mario said, panicking.

A tear formed in Toad's eye, "Our Princess is..."

"OUR PRINCESS IS RIGHT-A HERE IN THIS CASTLE, RIGHT!!?" Mario shook Toad violently.

"Our Princess is...married to Bowser. She was forcibly wed as of 1 hour ago. If only you had arrived sooner."

Mario sobbed.

"Not only that," continued Toad, "but with this marriage in effect, Bowser now officially rules over the Mushroom Kingdom. You'll have to find a new place to live."

"MAAAAMMMMMAAAAA-MIIIIIIAAAA!!!"

"Now that you mention it, I wonder what their kids would look like?"

--

"Tails, are you sure this virtual reality treatment won't just make them go insane?" asked Knuckles.

"I hope not," said Tails, looking at Sonic and Mario's bodies shaking wildly.


	37. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting H

"Nobody is ever satisfied with our games," said the Head Director. "Some people keep saying that our new games aren't 'classic' enough."

"Well," said Crew Member A, "you know there's some who just have different preferences."

"Yeah, but still... I think they're catching onto when we keep saying 'back to the classics' that we really mean 'just buy it, sonic's in it.'"

"And there's people who say we should only stick to 2D," commented Crew Member B.

"And some say that 3D is better than 2D," commented Crew Member C.

"Then there's those who say we should only have Sonic in the game," said Crew Member D. "Then there's some that say it'd be boring just with Sonic."

"We can't forget those people crying about our 3D storylines being 'too in-depth for a Sonic game,'" said Crew Member E. "Then they turn around and say Sonic Rush's storyline was 'too simple.'"

"Yeah, and what about those people saying Sonic would look more stylish as a purple cow!?" said Crew Member F, which momentarily killed the conversation.

"Um, how many people said that?" asked Crew Member E.

"Just one," replied Crew Member F.

"Then let's just pretend we didn't hear that one, okay?"

The Head Director spoke up, "We need to make a game that has everything that every kind of Sonic fan could possibly want in it."

The Crew looked at him like a madman.

"Do you know what you're saying?" asked Crew Member A.

"What?"

"We would have to make every dead, useless and retired character return. We'd need to make a canon story in relation to the comics, games and cartoons plus the anime. We'd need to have a 2D game that goes full 3D. We'd need to make playing the game feel like Sonic 1 through Present in a nostalgic feel yet make it feel fresh and new."

"Oh," said the Head Director.

"We'd even need to make canon romantic relationships of EverycharacterxEveryothercharacter!"

"Let's call the game Sonic Bluach blarb!" suggested Crew Member G.

"No!! I was getting at, making a game like that would be a mess," said Crew Member A.

"No it wouldn't," responded the Head Director.

"And how would we make the game happen?" asked Crew Member A.

"We'll have it start out in 2D gameplay, then it will randomly switch to 3D for 10 seconds then go back to 2D."

"What?"

"Also, we'll have the previous voice actors come back and voice the characters for the first third of the game, the current voice actors will voice the characters for the second third of the game, and we'll get new voice actors for the last third of the game."

"Again, what?"

"Every time characters interact, they will flirt with each other."

"No really, are you not hearing my whats?"

"Then _what is it_ that you want?!"

"Sir, you'd even have to have every genre of gameplay in the game to satisfy those who've wanted a Sonic RPG game all the way to those who've wanted Sonic Poker."

"Easy, we'll start it off on the action genre, then it will randomly switch to another genre every 20 seconds."

"So if you were in the middle of a battle in the game's RPG segment, do you think people would be okay when the game casually just changes to something like a Sonic football game?!"

"Shut up or you're fired."

-After the game's debut-

"Why did our game do so bad?" whined the Head Director. "It literally had _everything_."

"Which was the problem," commented Crew Member A. "By having everything, not one preference was satisfied."

"I've had enough with this," said the Head Director. "Our next game will feature Sonic running circles around a mound of pooh for the entire game."

"As in Pooh bear?" asked Crew Member A.

"No, the other kind of pooh."

"Why would you want to make a game about that!"

"Fans will be so confused that they won't be able to complain," smiled the Head Director.

"And we'll name this game what, sir?"

"Sonic Crap!"

-After Sonic Crap's Debut-

At Timmy's house.

"What is this?! This new Sonic game is so crappy!"

"Yeah, it is," said Timmy's friend.

Timmy's eyes widdened. "Yeah, it is..."


	38. Step Seven

**Session 7 – Goal: Humbly asked Him to remove the shards embedded deep in our soul.**

"For today's step, I've brought Reverend," said the Director.

"Hello, Knuckles," said Reverend. "Today you will humbly ask God to remove your shortcomings."

"Oh," replied Knuckles. "I'll begin then. Dear God, you better stop making me all pissy."

"**Humbly**," repeated Reverend.

"Dear God, I'm sick of these bad aspects of my personality. You better do something about it."

"Knuckles, you have the wrong idea about what being humble means," said Reverend.

The Director got out the dictionary, "Humble: Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful."

"So you see, you must talk to God with respect," said Reverend.

"How can I _respect_ someone I don't see," retorted Knuckles.

"It is not that hard to show some courtesy when talking to others, Knuckles."

"Who says I have to?"

"The step does," cut in the Director.

"Fine, GODMAKEALLTHISSTUFFGOAWAY."

"That wasn't humbly," replied the Director.

"GODMAKEALLTHISSTUFFGOAWAYWITHHUMBLEONTOP."

"That's not sincere," said Reverend.

"Also, you need to state 'the stuff' that you want gone from you," said the Director. "Your specific shortcomings."

"...What were my shortcomings again?"

"I've prepared a list," said the Director. He handed the sheet to Knuckles.

Knuckles looked at the list, "Why are there 50 shortcomings on here! You haven't even known me long enough to have this much on me."

"I played out some situations in my head and thought of more ways your personality would annoy me, as well as the rest of the world."

"I won't accept this paper," replied Knuckles.

"Whatever, anyway, let's get you acting humble towards God," said the Director.

"I don't humble myself towards anybody," said Knuckles, crossing his arms.

"I figured so," replied the Director. "So I brought one of your friends in."

Cream the Rabbit entered the room.

"Cream," said the Director, "give Knuckles some tips on how to have some respect for all things, even things he can't physically see."

"I just always think about flowers whenever I talk," said Cream.

"You heard her, Knuckles. Flower it up," said the Director.

"I won't do it."

"Then you won't get past this step," replied the Director

"I don't care, I'll quit."

"Oh please no!" shouted Cream. "Please just go along with it, Mr. Knuckles."

"No."

"Please, Mr. Knuckles, do it as a repayment for punching me so many times in the past." Tears formed in Cream's eye.

Knuckles glared. "So I think of flowers, right?"

"Yes!" responded Cream.

("This Cream girl is pretty good,") thought the Director. "Let's try this again, Knuckles."

Knuckles pictured flowers in his mind. "God, _please_ remove my flowery shortcomings."

"Which are..." continued the Director, handing Knuckles the list.

Knuckles pictured more flowers as he read from the list. "-sigh- Which are...being too stubborn, being too red, having too little patience, giving the Director grief..."

"C'mon, finish the whole list," commanded the Director.

Knuckles gritted his teeth. "Not being civilized, having legos for shoes, hurting innocent bystanders,..."

Many shortcomings later.

"...turning into some mega freak who eats emeralds, needing to picture flowers to get something done, ...wait, how is that one there when you made this list before this meeting?"

"Just finish your list," replied the Director.

"I'm done," said Knuckles.

"Oh. Well while you were reading your list I made another list of your shortcomings."

"Reverend!" called Knuckles.

"Director, Knuckles has had enough," said Reverend.

"Fine," pouted the Director.

"And?..." continued Reverend.

"And he passed his step," finished the Director sadly.

Step Seven Complete.

1 Hour later.

"What are all of my friends doing here?" asked Knuckles.

"I invited them over to read the 2nd list of shortcomings I made of you," said the Director.

"Why? The step is over!"

"You didn't read the second list and I wanted it to go to good use."

"'Good use' isn't getting people together to make fun of me!"

"We're going to have an_ intellectual_ discussion about you."

Rouge is seen in the background reading from the list and laughing hysterically with everyone else.

"See!" said Knuckles. "I'm going to tell Reverend on you."

"He's already gone, Knuckles," smiled the Director.

"GAH!!!!!" yelled Knuckles, as he ran out the room.

"Did you all see that?" said the Director.

"Yeah," said Amy. "That looked like something Knuckles would do," she laughed.


	39. OT: The Adventures of Biolizard Heroes

-Vroom-

"AHHH!! My baby is about to be hit by a car!" screamed a fragile mother.

"Don't worry, miss. We've got your baby," said the Biolizard.

Meet the 1st member of Biolizard Heroes, the Biolizard. An overly sensitive and extremely large creature with a passion for hating Knuckles. The Biolizard is the most polite and destructive member of the team.

-Screeeeech-

A giant robot appeared and stopped the car in just enough time. This robot was piloted by none other than Dr. Eggman.

Dr. Eggman is the highly intelligent yet incompetent 2nd member of Biolizard Heroes. With his technical prowess, he is a great asset to the team. He also manages the team's finances.

"Thank you for saving my baby," said the woman, running to her child.

The robot's hand came in front of her and blocked her path.

"Who said it was your baby?" intruded Dr. Eggman. "This baby is going to be made into a quality, deadly, robot animal for Sonic & Friends to easily jump on and defeat."

"No, give me the baby," said the Biolizard.

"Why should you have it?"

"I want to throw it at Knuckles. I don't like Knuckles."

"No," said the Communist Pizza, "I want the baby. I'll make it into a pizza so adorably delicious that customers won't even think about eating at my competitors'."

The Communist Pizza is the 3rd Member of Biolizard Heroes. He's an evil pizza man who hates the hardship of having competitors in the pizza market. With his pizza-based attacks, he is the best fighter of the team. And sometimes makes pizzas.

"Hey," said a man on the street. "The woman took back her baby when you guys weren't looking. I think she's about to call the police on you as well."

**Adventure 32 – "You've been stepping on my steps."**

"I'd like to call this meeting to order," said the Biolizard.

The Communist Pizza rose. "I have an important discovery to announce. Three days ago, after having a night out on the town with my pals, I came home really late. So late that I'd really be in trouble if I woke my wife."

"Yes, Susan is a handful," interrupted Eggman.

"Yes," responded the Communist Pizza, "_but you've never seen her sleep-deprived state._ Now, as I was saying, I tried to sneak upstairs ...but that's where the problem came in. I tried to quietly walk upstairs, but the stairs kept squeaking. No matter how slight or gently I stepped on them, it's like they _had_ to squeak."

"Maybe the stairs are being mind controlled?" considered Eggman.

The Communist Pizza continued, "When I was half-way up the stairs, I tried to be even more cautious of my stepping, so I attempted to creep quieter. ...The next step was so furiously loud though... I didn't stand a chance. Susan was woke immediately."

"How dreadful," said the Biolizard.

"My stairs have led me to believe that they are made intentionally so people can't go up them quietly," declared the Communist Pizza.

Omochao appeared. "Aren't you jumping to a conclusion a little too quick?"

"You don't know how quiet I was going up those steps," said the Communist Pizza. "There's something that's not right about them."

"Then let's go see the maker of these 'steps of dismay,'" commanded the Biolizard.

Omochao sighed. "Move the joystick in a circle to be teleported to the construction office."

Eggman picked up a stick and drew an invisible circle in the pavement.

-- In front of the Construction Office

"That Omochao is a really helpful guy," said the Biolizard. "Now let's go inside."

"You're too big to enter the building, Bio," stated the Communist Pizza.

"Oh Darn."

"Bio, I've invented you an everlasting jawbreaker that gives you the ability to take human form," said Dr. Eggman. "You must get to the last layer for the ability to take effect."

The Biolizard put the jawbreaker in its mouth. "Thanks, Doctor."

30 Minutes later.

"Are you near the last layer yet?" asked Eggman.

"I accidentally swallowed it about 25 minutes ago. I was too embarrassed to admit it."

Eggman got annoyed, "Here's another one."

5 Minutes Later.

"Woah, I'm changing," said the Biolizard, now glowing white.

-Your Biolizard evolved into Bio-Man-

"Wow, thanks, Doctor," said the humanized Biolizard.

"Let's check the Pokedex," suggested the Communist Pizza.

"That won't be necessary, for I am already educated on the matter," said Eggman. "Bio, your human form packs the same punch as your creature form. As a human, you have the same destructive power as a freak lizard thing like you once were."

The Biolizard tested his power by kicking a mailbox into outerspace. "Wow. ...but how do I get back to my lizard form?"

"Trust your heart."

"Really?"

"Yes, Really."

"Now let's enter," said the Communist Pizza. "We'll find out the secret to those stairs!"

-A person outside heard that line and rushed into the construction office through a secret entrance. This person arrived in a dark room where there was a person shrouded in darkness...because the room was dark-

"Ms. Boss, visitors are here to talk to you about stairs."

"Then let's give them the _executive treatment_," said the figure in an evil voice. "Hahaha."

"Pfft," said the person. "You can do better than that."

"What?" said Ms. Boss.

"How about 'Welcome to your dooms, you insects,' and follow that line up with a 'mwahaha' and not a 'hahaha.'"

"Why haven't you been promoted yet?"

"You thought I was only good for being a spy."

"I forgot why... Well now you're my evilistant."

-- Inside the Construction Office

"Look, there's a lady at the desk," said the Communist Pizza. He walked up to her. "We're here to talk to your head person."

"About what?" asked the woman.

"Stairs," replied the Communist Pizza.

The woman gasped then smiled with a hint of evil. "Really?" She pushed a button on her desk. "You'll have to get through this first."

A man dressed in black entered the room, holding some foreign object. He spoke, "You guys can pass if..."

"If?" repeated Eggman.

"If you can get our internet connection to run properly." It was revealed that the foreign object was a DSL Modem.

The woman and man in black laughed with confidence as the computer was pulled out.

"Eggman, can you do it?" asked the Biolizard.

"Yosh," replied Eggman.

2 Hours later.

"Well?" said the Biolizard.

"Communist Pizza! Cheese them all now!" screamed Eggman.

"Mozzarella Meltdown!" called out the Communist Pizza. Cheese materialized onto the man and woman, where it melted on them and stuck them in place.

Dr. Eggman walked over. "Not even _I_ could fix their internet connection. And my pride is too high and wallet too low to even consider going to Microsoft Customer Support."

"I guess we can just go to the next room then," said the Biolizard as he...it?...wait no, it's a human now so it's a he. ...as he walked forward.

They walked into the next room to see a rather perky and sinister-looking lady.

"Hello, I'm the boss's evilistant, and I've prepared a wonderful surprise for you."

"What is it?" asked the Biolizard.

"It's gift baskets _of death_."

"Then we don't want them," replied the Biolizard. "But thanks."

In the Mysterious Boss's room.

"So you've arrived," said the Boss. "I thought those gift baskets would have finished you off."

"We politely declined them," said the Biolizard.

"And she just let you?! No wonder I had her at spy-level, she has little determination elsewhere."

"We're here about the steps," said Eggman.

"As if I, **Crane Jane**, would help you _insects_."

"Why do you do it?" asked the Communist Pizza. "Why are stairs so impossible to quietly go up?!"

"It all started many centuries ago... my extremely Great Grandma, Madame Struction, had an irresponsible husband. Many nights he'd stay out late gambling, partying, and fishing."

"Fishing?" said Eggman.

"If people are out partying at night then the fish might be too, ya know. ...Madame Struction was determined to scold him once he arrived home. She lightly slept as to meet him when he came into the house, but when she woke up, she found that he was laying right beside her. It turns out he was a Grade A sneaker.

Madame Struction was so furious that she'd hit him and wake him up with yells, only to have 'I came in right after you went to sleep' as a reply. It was there that she plotted a way to expose him and his lie."

"He could have actually come in right after she went to sleep," said the Biolizard.

"She decided to redo the stairs but add a _trick_ in them. She redid the support of the steps so that no matter how sly, sneaky, or eluding the person is, he'll never get up the stairs without making a racket. From then on out, her husband never got up the stairs without a scolding. Bwahahaha!!"

"That's horrible," said the Communist Pizza.

"For many centuries, my family of husband-scolding construction workers have been keeping this trick in their stair layout to help the women of the world (and possibly the men if the woman is the partier), and people have been none the wiser...until you guys came along."

"What you're doing is wrong!" shouted the Biolizard. "And normally since we're villains we'd be okay with it, but since it's affecting one of us negatively, we're not okay with it."

"Think you can stop me, Biolizard Heroes?"

"Hey, that's my line!" yelled Eggman. "You just replaced Sonic with Biolizard!"

"Oh yeah, well 'hey, that's my line' is Sonic's line," replied Crane Jane.

Suddenly the floor began to shake and a crane busted through the ceiling and hoisted Crane Jane to the above floor. The ceiling and the hole turned into a solid layer of diamond after that.

"She's really talented," admitted Eggman.

3 sets of holes appeared to the above floor. A path of stairs came through each hole.

Crane Jane's voice was heard, "If you want to stop me, you'll have to get up these steps. That is, _if you can_."

"We're already up here," announced the Biolizard while they were standing in front of Crane Jane.

"Oh, I thought I put some perils of those steps. ...Well see how you can deal with this!"

The wall opened up to reveal a giant longed-neck dinosaur.

"It's a Camasaurus!" announced Eggman.

"A what?" asked the Communist Pizza.

"You know, like Little Foot's grandpa in the Land Before Time."

"I could beat that if I was in my giant lizard thing form," said the Biolizard. "Eggman, how do I detransform back into that?"

"You must trust your heart," explained Eggman.

"Okay, I'll try," said the Biolizard. He focused and blood suddenly came out of his chest. "Ow, I busted a blood vessel!"

"TRUST, not focus on it."

"Okay," said the Biolizard. He tried again. "I can feel the trust flowing through me."

-The Biolizard turned back into his...its original form-

"Watch me tear that dinosaur apart!" said the Biolizard.

The dinosaur ran forward and head-butted the Biolizard. The Biolizard recovered from the blow and came back to with a tail whip.

The dinosaur was toppled over.

_K.O._

"Yay for Bio!" yelled Eggman.

"Grr...I'm not finished yet," said Crane Jane. The opposite wall opened up to reveal another long-necked dinosaur. "See if you can get through this!"

"Stop stealing my lines!!" shouted Eggman.

The new dinosaur walked towards the Biolizard, and out of its mouth came a wrecking ball. The dinosaur swung it around. If you could have been there, it was actually a very funny sight to behold.

In fact, the Biolizard laughed, which made it very easy for the dinosaur to swing its wrecking ball and hit the Biolizard.

Thus, the Biolizard was down.

"Now how do you feel after meeting my Constructaurous? Hahaha," laughed Crane Jane. "Its tongue is a wrecking ball. You'll never get out of this one, Sonic! Whoops, I really am crossing into Eggman's territory."

"Yes you are," stated Eggman in a childish tone.

The Biolizard got up and charged the Constructaurous. The wrecking ball was swung again, but this time it's caught by the mouth of the Biolizard. The Biolizard throws the ball at Constructaurous's foot which foot K.O.'s the Constructaurous.

"I did it!" yelled the Biolizard.

"You may have beaten my pets, but now you'll have to face me!" said Crane Jane.

"Okay," said the Biolizard with a determined face.

"No," butted in the Communist Pizza. "She's mine."

-Crane Jane and the Communist Pizza entered the ring-

"Because of you and your steps, I was scolded by my wife!" said the Communist Pizza with anger as he powered up for an attack.

"Pfft, that's the point," said Crane Jane as cranes formed on her arms. She swung them at the Communist Pizza.

He jumped and dodged. "Basil Blast!"

Crane Jane was hit and fell to the ground.

"I can't believe I lost," cried Crane Jane.

"You were a disappointment compared to your dinosaurs and subordinates," said Eggman.

"It's because I spend all of my energy on image-heightening, evil boss material."

"Now redo my house, so I can sneak to my heart's content," commanded the Communist Pizza.

"Your attack numbed my arms so I don't think I'll be able to."

The End.

Bonus: A Questionnaire

-- Biolizard

"Mr. Biolizard, how did you villains somehow form an alliance?"

"We met in a back alley. We had established that we were all villains so we decided to make an alliance. I think we had a deep connection."

"Yes, and what exactly do you eat?"

"I'm a vegetarian, so you know, vegetables and stuff."

"You're a vegetarian? I wouldn't think so after the way you kept trying to bite Shadow in your SA2 battle."

"That was just my attack pattern. If I would have succeeded, I would have spit him out and washed my mouth out with celery."

-- Eggman

"Mr. Eggs, how is the group's finances?"

"Oh yes, we get that question a lot," replied Eggman.

"Really?"

"No."

"Then why did you say so?"

"Why did you give me a sub-question that exposed my lie? It's really your fault when you think about it."

"Let's just move on. Dr. Eggman, considering the kind of ruthless, self-exalting man you are, I am very stunned that you'd accept being one of the 'Biolizard Heroes' when the title doesn't even have your name in it."

"Ah yes, when we were forming the group I pushed that issue. Instead, the Biolizard said if we'd keep this name without me getting violent, I'd get Sonic's head on a platter as a trade. The next day, I was very surprised when I received a cake from the Biolizard shaped like Sonic's head. I was furious, but when I calmed down, I thought 'I should have known better' and decided to just continue being in the group and reap the benefits that would follow."

-- the Communist Pizza

"Mr. Pizza, this chapter had me surprised. You actually showed hate for something that wasn't capitalism, how do you respond?"

"I have a life outside of my super villainy. I don't have to be blah blah hate capitalism all the time, do I?"

"I guess not. ...And why did you join the group?"

"I was getting no progress in my ultimate pizza recipe by myself, so I figured if I tagged along with those guys, then I'd eventually find the ingredient I crave."

"Ingredient?"

"A pizza ingredient so good that my customers will want to go smack the competition in the face. An ingredient so wonderful that I'll have no financial problems for the rest of my life. An ingredient so fabulous that the Pizza Bucket's customers will practically run to my restaurant!"

"Oh."

-- Biolizard Heroes

"So what are your plans for the future of the group?"

"A theme song," said the Biolizard.

_What Bio-comes up must Bio-come down._

_Yet my feet biologically touch the ground._

_Biiiiiioooo-Heeeerooooooooeeeeesssssssssss!  
Biiiiiioooo-Heeeerooooooooeeeeesssssssssss!_

_Can genetically engineer you, and you'll find your waaaaaaaay._

"What was that?"

"Our theme song," replied the Biolizard.

"And the Lord said there shall be trials."


	40. Step Eight

**Session 8 – Goal: Made a list of all persons we had harmed (or possibly killed), and became willing to make amends to them all (including the dead ones).**

Tails  
The Director  
Various Mailmen  
the Master Emerald  
The United States  
Sonic  
Amy  
Omochao  
Eggman  
the Communist Pizza  
Cream  
Some Old Lady  
_the Chess Master!_  
Sonic Team Crew  
Rouge  
Jewelers  
Shadow  
Blaze  
Those guys I killed out of rage

"These are all people who've gotten hurt by me," announced Knuckles, holding up a sheet.

The Director observed the list. "Take the Master Emerald off the list, Knuckles."

"But following this recovery program has hurt it too."

"Take it off the list," replied the Director.

"Aren't you forgetting me, Knuckles?" busted in the Biolizard.

"I've apologized to you on several occasions," said Knuckles.

"Why are you attacking me again, Knuckles?" said the Biolizard, as it cried.

"Knuckles, just put its name on the list," said the Director. "It's creepy seeing a lizard thing cry."

"Fine," said Knuckles. He added the Biolizard to the list.

"Bwahaha," laughed the Biolizard. "Fear my coming when you get to my name!" The Biolizard left.

"So yeah, you're willing to make amends with all these people, right?" asked the Director.

"No, it's their fault for getting hurt by me in the first place."

"Do you ever have any lasting character development? I swear, with each step it's like your horrible personality starts over again and all previous progress is lost."

"Blah blah blah."

("Yet again, I have to strain myself,") thought the Director. "Knuckles, it is not anyone else's fault that _you_ beat them up because of your emerald lust."

"If they had good defense, then it wouldn't be a problem."

"It is not other people's fault for getting hurt when some crazed echidna suddenly gets violent."

"If somebody randomly came up and tried to hurt me, I'd be ready for it and beat them."

"That's because you're thirsty for violence. You can see it in your knuckles."

"Whatever."

"...Whatever as in, you're _willing_ to make amends to these people now?"

"Hmph."

"Hmph isn't an answer, Knuckles."

"I keep telling you, it's not my fault everyone is unprepared."

"Maybe you're right, Knuckles. Just wait here for a while, and I'll come in with the instructions for the next step." The Director walked out of the room.

"Finally, he understands," said Knuckles, feeling accomplished.

"CHAOS BLAST!"

The Director walked back into the room where a burnt Knuckles was collapsed on the floor.

Shadow was standing over Knuckles. "I thought you were talking about how you're always prepared," smiled Shadow.

"Um, Shadow. I called you over just to catch Knuckles off guard and stun him a little bit. You kinda went overboard. ...Smoke is coming out of his mouth."

"I used the maximum amount of my powers. I wasn't going to tone it down. He deserves my full fury."

Knuckles began coughing up smoke and looked up, "Sh-Shadow? WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!"

"Now, Knuckles," said the Director, "who's fault was it that you got attacked?"

"Yours! And partly Shadow's!"

"And who's fault is it those people on your list were harmed?"

"Theirs."

"Please, blast him one more time, Shadow," said the Director.

"CHAOS BLAST!"

Knuckles now felt extremely lightheaded.

"Who's fault is it, Knuckles?" asked the Director again.

"Is it mine?"

"You're right!" replied the Director. "I can really feel the willingness in your half-conscious words."

Step Eight Complete.


	41. OT: Sonic Bluach blarb!

(Consult 'Sonic Team Crew Meeting H' before reading this.)

"Hello, I'm Dr. Eggman, and I've got a new sinisterly complex yet simple plot involving evil."

-- Scene 1

"Mighty!" yelled Sonic. "Eggman's being bad again!"

"Oh no!" yelled Mighty. "We've got to stop him!"

"But this time I'll need the help of Sally, Chris, Cosmo, Blaze, Chaos 0, Chaos 2, Chaos 4, Chaos 6, Perfect Chaos, Omega, all E-series robots, Shadow, Silver, Iblis, Rouge, Flickies, Rotor, Antonie, Bunnie, Fang, G.U.N., the G.U.N. Commander, Dr. Gerald Robotnik, Maria, the Chaotix, Jet the Hawk, NiGHTS, AiAi, Ulala, Sam Speed, Manic, Sonia, Julie-Su, Tails Doll, Metal Knuckles, Emerl,..."

"I get it," interrupted Mighty. "You're going to need the help of a lot of people."

-- Scene 2

"You're not going to get away with this, Eggman!"

"Oh really? My lasers are set to..."

-Game change-

"Er...um, as I was saying, my baseball bat is set to make a home run. You're done for this time, Sonic!"

-Dimensional change-

"No really! How am I suppose to run to the bases if we're in 2D now!? Am I supposed to jump over the pitcher? You win this round, Sonic."

-- Scene 3

"Hey Tails! Long time no see," said Sonic.

"Sonic, I really..." Tails blushed.

Amy walked up. "Sonic, I love you," she blushed. Amy looked at Tails and blushed harder.

Kermit the frog came up and blushed.

Even Eggman came up and blushed while talking to Sonic and Pals. It was really awkward yet very romantic.

-- Scene 4

Cream ran up. "Shadow, Shadow! Come quick," she yelled in a girly voice.

"What is it?" asked Shadow.

"It's Rouge!" Cream said in a womanly voice.

"Say that again?"

"Rouge!" Cream said in a manly voice.

("Does Cream has speech rabies?") thought Shadow.

-- Scene 5

"I've decided to be called 'Dr. Robotnik' every now and then," proclaimed Eggman.

"What a coincidence, Eggman, I was going to sparingly be called, 'Miles Prower,'" said Tails.

"To finish our conversation, I've decided to put you over a vat of boiling oil, _Miles_."

-- Scene 6

-Green Mountain Zone-

"Oh look, Sonic!" said Amy. "We're in the Green Mountain Zone. It feels so nostalgically like Green Hill Zone."

-Brooklyn, New York Zone-

"Oh look, Sonic! We're in the Brooklyn, New York Zone. It feels so nostalgic...for kids who grew up in Brooklyn."

-Coconut Stadium Zone-

"Oh look, Sonic! We're in the Coconut Stadium Zone. It's so nostalgic...I mean, it's so new feeling and fresh."

-- Scene 7

"I know what you're up to, Eggman," said Sonic.

"You may have found out my plan but this time you'll have to face me, Mephiles, Black Doom, Black Doom's Eye, Scourge, Snively, Erazor Djinn, Eggman Nega, Ixis Naugus, Scratch, Grounder, Shortfuse the Cybernik, Commander Brutus, Mammoth Mogul, and Bowser."

"And I'm not even in this series," roared Bowser.

--

So with so many paths within paths within paths to choose, which will you...no wait, with so many games within games...no no, with so much stuff. THERE'S A LOT TO DO IN THIS GAME SO BUY IT, OKAY?

And for those fans who've wanted a crossover with other video game characters, we've added a mini-game where Sonic teams up with Pac-Man. _Just don't alert Namco_.

-- Reviews

"I was mad at the game at first, but then it switched to some other game where Sonic was playing hockey. I got mad at that game as well, but as soon as I started developing deep hatred for it, it switched again!" says very angry girl.

"I used money, that usually goes towards my psychiatrist sessions, on this game, and I'm displeased with the results. The neighborhood kids still pick on me for not committing as many felonies as they do, and what, am I going to run and go tell my _game_ so I can cope? This is all your fault, Sonic Team," says abused kid with now no way out but Sonic.

"I liked the part where Shadow and Knuckles flirted with each other. Everything got weird when Blaze and Charmy flirted though. I definitely wasn't ready for Big the Cat to start flirting with Cream," says romance novel lover.

"A masterpiece if I do say so myself," says the Head Director. "Wait, why is only myself saying this? You kids don't know good games when ya see 'em!"


	42. OT: Omochao's Villain Corrective Class

Omochao entered the room. "Hello, Eggman, Biolizard, the Communist Pizza, Mega Knuckles, and Miscellaneous Anime, Video Game, & Comic Villains."

"I'm canonly gone," said Mega Knuckles.

"Class is in session!" replied Omochao. "I've called you all here, because ever since I became a villain, I became aware of the difficulties my colleagues have in the villain's workforce."

**Lesson 1 – Don't Complicate Things When Not Necessary.**

"Here is Eggman's main area of failure," said Omochao.

"What did you say?!" yelled Eggman.

"Eggman, you spend too much time making complicated bosses when you could just bring lasers out all the time."

"My bosses are complicated on purpose. It's the only way I can possibly hope to beat Sonic!"

"No, you could have a simple, giant robot and beat Sonic. Your design is what needs improving. You need a robot boss design that doesn't have you and your floating pod just sitting out waiting to be jumped on."

"I don't need your suggestions," Eggman said conceitedly. ("That's a good tip! I can't wait to get home and make a new Sonic death machine with this data. Codename: My Latest and Greatest Creation.")

**Lesson 2 – Don't Get Too Emotional.**

"Here is where the Biolizard has a major problem," stated Omochao.

"Really?" said the ready-to-cry Biolizard.

"Biolizard, how many times have you tried to physically hurt Knuckles after your return?"

"Erm...none," replied the Biolizard.

"It's because you're too busy always trying to _verbally_ hurt him, because you let your feelings get the best of you."

"Words can sometimes hurt more than physical violence."

"But you always break down whenever you even try to wound him with words," said Omochao.

The Biolizard started sniffling.

"DON'T GET TOO EMOTIONAL," yelled Omochao.

The Biolizard started crying.

**Lesson 3 – Don't Play With Your Food.**

"Mega Knuckles, this is where you need to improve."

"It'd be an improvement if I existed again," muttered Mega Knuckles.

"When battling Tails, the Director, and Cookies the Shark, you had ample opportunities to destroy them, yet you didn't. You tried to hold out their demise for chapters, and eventually, you lost because of it."

"So?"

"So, instead, when you first gain enough power to destroy them, do it. Don't let them go and give them time to recover, regroup, and come back with more firepower."

"Where's the entertainment in that?"

"So you're saying it's entertaining to be the loser, because you wanted entertainment?"

Mega Knuckles blushed, and the rest of the class laughed at him.

**Lesson 4 – Stop Excessive Taunting.**

"This applies to everyone...but mostly the anime villains.

This is where the good guys get serious and start beating you up, _badly_. Stop it.

When you keep taunting heroes, they remember why they fight or they start talking about how they need protect the ones they love and blah blah. They suddenly get really strong and tap into the hidden power supply.

If you don't taunt them and just kill them, then their hidden power won't be awakened."

**Lesson 5 – Destroy the Hidden Power.**

"This is a mission we must accomplish together. We must destroy the Hidden Power, so the good guys can never win again!" declared Omochao.

"How do we do that?" asked the Biolizard.

"I don't know," replied Omochao. "Nobody knows where this Hidden Power called 'friendship' is located on Earth."

"What if we just kill their friends?" asked Eggman. "Then their power would obviously be drained."

"No, that doesn't work either. I've noticed that they just get really mad and beat you up in a fit of rage if you do that. If anything, the hero taps into the power supply harder than before."

"You got that right," said an anime villain with a black eye and broken ribs.

"Don't worry guys. One day, we'll find friendship, and harness its power for our own evil deeds!" laughed Omochao.

Everyone cheered.

**The Last Lesson – If Villainy Isn't Working Out For You, Then Just Get a Real Job.**

"_The Chess Master!_ has the right idea. He started his own pizza restaurant and is very successful," said Omochao.

The Biolizard raised its tail.

"Yes, Biolizard?"

"I've been thinking about getting a real job, but I'm nervous about such a big change in my lifestyle. I've been a villain my whole life, and I just don't know if any other job will be as kind as the villain reception."

("What's he talking about?") thought Eggman. ("I constantly have to guard my wallet around these types, and there's nothing _kind_ about that.")

Omochao spoke up, "Why don't you get a job at _the Chess Master!_'s Pizza Bucket? Or at least go there for some tips from _the Chess Master!_, since he has a head start on the non-villain lifestyle."

"I think I'll go see," said the Biolizard. "Thanks."

"Okay, guys, class is over," said Omochao. "Are there any more questions?"

"Where do hero babies come from?"

"Class over."


	43. Step Nine

"Got your list ready?" asked the Director.

"Yeah," replied Knuckles. "I can't believe I agreed to do this though. The only thing I can remember is 'Chaos Blast.'"

"Yeah, Chaos Blast," repeated the Director. "Anyway, I won't be accompanying you on your list journey, but good luck. Make sure to sincerely apologize to everyone."

**Session 9 – Goal: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, even when to do so would injure them or others.**

-- Tails

"Hi, Tails."

Tails looked up startled, "I DON'T HAVE ANY EMERALDS!!"

"No, Tails, I'm not here for that."

"I CAN'T MAKE ANY EITHER!!"

"Darn. I guess I'll just settle for apologizing to you for my emerald attacks."

"R-Really?"

"Yes, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"Well, I don't know..."

"C'mon, there must be something."

"...I just got through with my heart-pumping device. If it works right, millions of out-of-shape people will be able to get their heart-rate back on track without doing any work. ...but I need somebody to test my first prototype."

"There must be something else."

"No, that's the only thing I need help on right now."

"Oh alright."

After a harmless test.

"Wow, Knuckles, for some reason, I can't even hear your heart beating. You might technically be a zombie right now. Sorry."

-- The Director

"Knuckles, your determination to change is all the 'amends' I need," the Director said while pointing to the vending machine.

"Yeah yeah, I'll get your soda," grumbled Knuckles.

"Hey, shouldn't you be making amends to Cookies the Shark as well? He did help stop you when you changed into Mega Knuckles."

"I called Sonic Team and asked for his whereabouts, but they said 'Forget about him. We needed to make room for newer characters. That fish jumped the shark. Hahaha.'"

"Don't give up, Knuckles. Find the shark that jumped the fence."

"No."

"Whatever."

Somewhere off the coast of Hawaii.

"Who would have guessed the One-Time-Character Mandatory Retirement Plan would be this cozy," said Cookies, all while chomping on Hawaiian cookies. "What do you think, Elise?"

"Why did Sonic Team put me here?" said Elise. "I should be princessing in my home country. Besides, their judgment was too early. I could possibly be in future games."

"Keep dreaming sister," said the Tails Doll, sipping lemonade bitterly. "I don't deserve to be here either. Kids even loved making scary stories up about me, but my popularity there didn't move Sonic Team to get me off this island."

"Aw, don't get down," said Cookies.

"Do you have any idea how I felt when Sonic Team came back for me in the first time in 10 years and put me in their 'Sonic Blauch blarb!' game? I was so happy, I thought I'd have a chance to shine again. Then the game doesn't do well, and they ship me right back to this island. You don't know sorrow until you've lived the life of the Tails Doll."

-A flash of light occurred-

"What was that!?" said Cookies in a panic.

"That was Silver coming back from the future to gloat some more," grunted the Tails Doll.

Silver's laughter was heard in the distance.

Tails Doll got up and shouted, "I may not be firm-rooted in the current cast, but at least I have a good hairstyle!"

-- Various Mailmen

At the post office.

"Hi, it's me, Knuckles."

"Hi, it's me, your mail man. Call me M1. What can I do for you, sir?"

"I pounced on you when you were delivering my mail."

"You going to need to be more specific, sir."

"I was the red one."

"Oh yeah! Did you come to pounce on me some more?"

"No, I came to say that I've quit my angry, emerald-driven lifestyle, and I wanted to make amends with you."

"Oh wait, let me get the other 2 guys you abused then. M2 and M3, come on out!"

-2 mailmen came out-

"What is it?" asked M2.

"This red man has come to make amends to us," said M1.

"Yeah, if there's anyway I can make it up to you..." said Knuckles.

"No no," said M1, "because of your abnormally, strong self pouncing on me, I took it upon myself to learn Judo, and now I can defeat anyone that attacks me on the job."

"And because of being threatened by your powerful Master Emerald, I leveled up my Charmander to a Charmeleon," said M2. "Now I always feel secure if a pokebattle ever comes up when I'm mailing."

"And because the doctor realized I was exaggerating on my injuries by you, my lawsuit fell threw, so I'm not satisfied," said M3.

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Knuckles. "Okay bye.."

"Wait," said M3. "The only way I'll forgive you is if you accompany me on the tedious job that is delivering mail for one day in which you will assume my job."

"...I don't really want to..."

"If you truly want to make amends with me, then you do want to."

-Granny Sunshine's house-

Knuckles opened up the mailbox. A woman ran out of the house.

"Hello, Mr. Mailman," said a very old woman in heavy makeup. "Did you come for the mail?"

"Um, yes," replied Knuckles. "I'm just going to put it in and..."

"Don't you want to come in my house?"

"No thank you," replied Knuckles.

"I've got a Playstation 2 and some candy."

"I've got to go."

"I finally got a young man!" the old woman said, lunging forward at Knuckles.

-Mr. Riddle's house-

"Where's the mailbox?" asked Knuckles.

"The riddler gets amusement out of placing it in a hidden location everyday," said M3.

"Then how do we deliver his mail?"

"Look on the ground where his mailbox should be: there's a paper."

Knuckles noticed and picked it up. He read aloud, "Find the box you seek under the eye of the Egyptian...?"

"Looks like he put it somewhere in the museum again, c'mon," M3 said, heading there.

"You mean we actually have to do all that to deliver this guy's mail!"

"Through rain, sleet and riddles," M3 said sadly.

-Scruffington's house-

Knuckles put the mail in a mailbox and started to go to the next house.

"Woah, aren't you forgetting something?" said M3.

"I don't think so."

"Well you are. You need to go to this house's backyard to deliver mail to Mr. Scruffington."

"They have a second mailbox in their backyard?"

"Yes. Their dog also receives mail in his private mailbox."

"Why?"

"They thought it would be 'cute.'"

Knuckles rolled his eyes and headed for the backyard.

"Wait wait. Watch out for the dog's guard dog."

"Why does the pet dog have a guard dog!"

"For the cuteness factor again."

-Post Office's house...I mean, at the Post Office-

"Oh boy, I never knew what a hard job you postmen are charged with," said Knuckles.

"And that's why I brought you along, to share my misery," said M3.

"You're not a likable person."

-- The United States

During the Presidential Conference.

"Why yes, I am the president," said Mr. President.

"But how will taxes affect my right to eat?" asked a Reporter.

"You'll have to eat less."

"I hate you, Mr. President."

-Knuckles walked onto the stage-

"It's the red thing that rampaged through America!" screamed a reporter.

"Quick, somebody put a crying baby in its hands!" said a reporter with a camera.

"I'm here to apologize," announced Knuckles. "My addiction drove me to rampage across America. Actually, that time I was faking it, but regardless, my love of emeralds did this, and I want to make amends with America."

"Your words have touched my presidential heart," said Mr. President. "Will you be America's new mascot? The eagle thing is getting kinda old."

"Sure."

-- Sonic

"I'm here to make amends, Sonic," said Knuckles.

"I'm fine as long as you get me away from Amy," Sonic said, being chased by someone closing in.

"Go to that carnival on the left," said Knuckles.

-Sonic ran off in that direction-

-- Amy

"Amy, I'm here to make amends," said Knuckles.

"That's so sweet, Knuckles, but all I need is to find Sonic," said Amy.

"He went in that carnival to the left."

"Sonikku, here I come!" -Amy ran off in that direction-

("Actually, telling Amy that canceled out my amends to Sonic.")

-- Omochao

"Omochao, I want to make amends for 'making you' help me find the emerald shards," said Knuckles. "I'm giving up my emerald lifestyle, and I want to make everything up to you."

"If you really want to make it up to me, then help me infiltrate Sonic Team headquarters and make it so my spin-off definitely has a sequel soon," said Omochao. "Help me, Knuckles. Help me show everyone the power of sequels!"

"Fine."

At Sonic Team Headquarters.

"And Cindy came back and took the sofa. That was the worst day of my life," said the Head Director.

Meanwhile, in the Document Room.

"Here it is!" said Omochao, holding up a paper. "The future games to-do-list. Why is Shadow the Hedgehog 3 at the top!? They already gave him a sequel, yet my game's _1__st_ sequel is 5th on the list, even under Big's Over the Rigs Fishing!"

"On the plus side, there's a plan for Knuckles: The Movie," said Knuckles, looking at another document.

Omochao got out a pencil and erased Shadow the Hedgehog 3 replaced it with 'Omo da Chao 2.'

"da Chao?" questioned Knuckles.

"It's to make me seem more hip. The kids will love it, trust me."

"Yeah, okay," Knuckles headed out the door.

While Knuckles wasn't looking, Omochao crossed out 'Knuckles: The Movie' and rewrote 'Omochao's Joyfully Evil Adventure.'

-- Eggman

"Knuckles, you're my friend. You don't have to do anything for me to forgive you," said Eggman. "Except Die!"

A trap door opened...on the other side of the room.

"Whoops," said Eggman. "I'll just accept your apology then."

-- the Communist Pizza

"I'm sorry for beating you up in my mega form," said Knuckles.

"It's okay," replied the Communist Pizza.

"Okay. Well I'm here for amends making."

"Help me destroy capitalism!"

"How about just living with it."

"How about you leave. ...but try one of my homemade breadsticks first."

-Knuckles bit into one-

"How does it taste?" asked the Communist Pizza. "Better than my competitors'?"

"Tastes like chalk," replied Knuckles.

"How about you leave."

-- Cream

"Please don't hurt me, Mr. Knuckles!" screamed Cream.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Cream."

After being abused by Knuckles so many times, Cream now could only see a demon trying to attack her again. "I just want to live. Why can't you just let me live?" she cried.

("What does Cream like again? ...Oh yeah!") thought Knuckles. "Cream, I've got ice cream."

"Where is it?"

"Uh, it's..."

"The Devil is a liar. The Devil is a liar!" chanted Cream, beating Knuckles with a broom.

-- Some Old Lady

"You're that brat who attacked me when I was walking down the street," said the Old Lady.

"I came to apologize."

"Like I'd trust some granny pusher. Get out of my sight."

"Please, let me make it up to you."

"If you want to help me, then lower the cost of healthcare and prescription drugs so I can live longer."

After many political battles.

"Okay, I did it," said Knuckles.

"That you did, red one," said the Old Lady. "I've got bloating and cramps, too. Fix it now!"

-- _the Chess Master!_

At _the Chess Master!_'s Pizza Bucket.

"Knuckles, because of you, a chain of events led me to make this great establishment. I can't stay mad at you."

"So there's nothing I can do to make up for the bad times though?" asked Knuckles.

"How about you be the testing customer for my new employee-in-training."

"Sure."

-A giant lizard came behind the cash register-

"Fear me, customer, for I am the Biolizard! ...Knuckles?"

"Oh, it's you," said Knuckles.

"First off, you don't want your customer to 'fear you,' Biolizard," commented _the Chess Master!_

"I don't want to serve _him_!" complained the Biolizard.

"Then you don't want to be employed," responded _the Chess Master!_

The Biolizard roared and got into the right character. "May I take your order, _sir_?"

"I don't want to order anything anymore," said Knuckles.

"You're fired, Biolizard," said _the Chess Master!_

"Knuckles, you shall rue the day you reach my name on your list!"

-The Biolizard fled-

-- Sonic Team Crew

"Oh, it's Knuckles," said the Head Director.

"I'm here to make amends for my horrible ways," said Knuckles.

"Then could you help us figure out who 'Omo da Chao' is? We've been trying to put the game into production, but we don't even know who this character is."

"...Possibly Omochao."

"Great Job, Knuckles! Oh, and become more interesting or we're replacing you with Kip the Kipna."

"Kipna isn't even a real species," said Knuckles.

"Neither is echidna," replied the Head Director.

-- Rou..."wait wait wait," interrupted Knuckles. "Echinda is a real species. Look it up."

"He's right," said Crew Member A. "Wikipedia says so."

"You proved nothing, Knuckles," the Head Director said while calling in the guards.

-- Rouge

"Rouge, I want to apologize for not paying you enough attention because of my emerald problem," said Knuckles. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"How about a night on the town," said Rouge. "Your treat."

At McDonald's.

"How come you haven't put a smile on yet?" Ronald asked Rouge.

"Knuckles, what is this?!" screamed Rouge.

"It's all I could afford," said Knuckles.

"What are you spending the rest of your money on!?"

"What 'rest' of my money?"

"The money you get from being rich!"

"I'm not rich."

"But you always had that emerald around."

"And...?"

"I thought you must be loaded with them."

"Nope."

"I don't love you anymore."

"But I finally had a place for you in my heart."

"And I had a place for your money in my bank. BUT THE BANK WILL REMAIN EMPTY NOW!" Rouge stormed out.

"Get this guy a toy STAT!" yelled Ronald.

-- Jewelers

"I've come for your emeralds!" Knuckles yelled at a Jeweler's convention.

Everyone gasped, "It's fabled Emerald Eater! Everyone, hide your jewels! He eats them with no regrets!"

"I'm just kidding," said Knuckles. "I really came here to apologize for hurting you all."

"Then cough up our emeralds," said one jeweler.

"No. ...but I'll make amends with you on something else."

"I'd like a hamburger," said another jeweler.

Knuckles threw out the toy Ronald gave him. "Glad we're all on the same page now." He left.

"That toy better be fun for all of us," said everyone in the room.

-- Shadow

"Shadow, I'm here to make amends."

"I don't care."

-- Blaze

"Tails, could you build me a dimensional portal?" asked Knuckles.

"Sure," said Tails.

In Blaze's Dimension.

"That Tails Doll had the nerve to judge my hair!" said Silver. "I can't believe he'd lie like that, right Blaze?"

A portal opened up.

Knuckles jumped out. "In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!" yelled Knuckles.

"Who are you?" asked Blaze.

"Knuckles, remember?"

"No."

"..."

-- Those guys I killed out of rage

"Tails, could you build me a spiritual portal?" asked Knuckles.

"Sure," said Tails.

In the spiritual dimension.

"And I was like, I'm dead, what are you gonna do about it?"

Everyone laughed.

-A portal opened-

"Hello, I'm Knuckles and..."

"Oh look, it's the guy who put us here."

"I came to apologize."

"Great timing," said the dead guy.

"I wanted to make amends to you all."

"How touching," sarcastically said another dead guy. "We should have a tea party and all be friends now. ...oh wait, we're dead."

"There's no need to be rude."

"There was no need to be dead until you came along."

-- the Biolizard

_I'm a Bio Girl, in a Bio Woooorld. _

_Life's Biotastic to be Biolastic._

"Oh, Knuckles," said the Biolizard, "you've arrived in the middle of my music fun-time hour."

"What do I need to do to make you forgive me?" Knuckles said, rolling his eyes.

"Take me out for a day of merriment," said the Biolizard.

"-sigh-"

At McDonald's.

"This is not merriment, Knuckles!"

"That's what I told him!" Rouge yelled from outside.

"Again, all I can afford," said Knuckles.

"I hate you, Knuckles!" The Biolizard ran out crying.

Knuckles just sat there.

Ronald looked at Knuckles and shook his head. "If I would have known this was a 'normal' thing, I wouldn't have given you a toy in the first place. Your behavior is disgusting. ...Put a smile on?"

--

"How did your day go?" asked the Director.

"Pretty awful," said Knuckles, "but I accomplished my step."

"That's not what the Biolizard told me."

"What?"

-In the other room, the Biolizard is heard crying-

"I did everything I could with the Biolizard!" said Knuckles.

"If you really want to change, go in there and talk it out with the Biolizard," said the Director.

"Grr..."

-Knock Knock-

"Who is it?" asked the Biolizard.

"It's Knuckles."

"Go away! That was the worst date of my life!" the Biolizard yelled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to be bad."

"You're lying!"

"No, I'm not! You always treat me like a bad person and just get angry at me. You don't even give me a chance."

Something magical triggered inside of the Biolizard that day. ("Did I never see this side of Knuckles before? Was I that blinded in my rage?")

The Biolizard came out the door. "Knuckles, I'm ready to give you a chance."

("If I make this into a love novel, I wonder how many copies it would sell?") thought the Director.

Step Nine Complete.


	44. OT: Blaze & Silver's Highschool Meet

"Blaze, remember our high school days?" asked Silver.

"Yes," said Blaze.

"...I don't," said Shadar.

-flashback-

-At Hedge High-

Blaze was at her locker getting out her books.

"Blaze is such a stupid name," said a voice. A robot, shadow-looking teenager came out with 20 earrings on its ears.

"Shadar, I don't have time for petty insults," said Blaze.

"Shut up, Blaze," ordered Shadar. "I own this school. Your sassy attitude has vexed me for too long."

"I really will burn you, so get out of my way," said Blaze.

"Hold it, Princess. I've got the perfect new weapon to silence your sassiness," said Shadar. "Fan Karen!" Shadar called.

A massive, colorful blob came out. It had the ears of Sonic, two fox tails, white gloves, and red dreadlocks.

"Annihilate Blaze!" commanded Shadar.

Fan Karen spindashed at Blaze.

Blaze easily dodged and came back with a kick that knocked Fan Karen into the lockers.

"You're wasting my time," said Blaze.

"You won't have anymore time to be wasted once I turn Fan Karen into the Ultimate weapon." Shadar clapped his hands which made spikes appear all over Fan Karen. "Go for a second attack, Fan Karen!"

-Meanwhile-

"I'll need somebody to give me an answer," said the Teacher.

"It's B," said Silver.

"You probably stole that answer from one of the smart kids with your telekinesis," said the Teacher.

"Sir, telekinesis only means I can move objects with my mind. You're talking about telepathic."

"You probably altered time to make it mean that. You just think you're so clever with your education that you stole from the hard workers, like Susan over here. Right, Susan?"

"Exactly," replied Susan. Unbeknowst to the teacher, Susan was actually telepathic and didn't know hardly anything herself. She kept an A average by constantly peering into Silver's mind.

"I'm not a cheater!" shouted Silver.

"Talk it over with the Principal. OUT!"

"Why do I need to go to the Principal? All I did was answer your question!"

"You mind cheated."

"You don't have any proof."

"The proof is that you're telekinetic."

"I'll just go to the principal," Silver said frustrated, and walked out of the classroom.

"Now, Susan, please answer the next question," asked the Teacher.

"I think we should wait until Silver gets back," said Susan.

"You're so considerate."

-In the hallway-

-crash-

"What was that noise!" said Silver. He turned a corner to find a cat being chased by a rolling, spiked ball.

Silver stopped the ball with his telekinesis, "Hurry, get away. I can't hold this thing forever."

"I don't need your help," said Blaze.

Silver reluctantly released the ball, and it collided against the lockers.

"I might need your help," said Blaze, who narrowly escaped the collision.

"Okay," replied Silver. "I'll..."

"You won't be helping anyone," said Shadar. "ROBOT BLAST!"

The Robot Blast engulfed Silver and turned him into a robot.

"Feel my wrath," said Shadar.

"I can still fight," said Robot Silver, who punched Shadar. Thus breaking Shadar's robot jaw.

"What is this out here!" screamed the Principal. "I usually ignore bullying, but all of you are so loud out here that I can't even do that."

"It was Blaze and that Silver kid's fault," said Shadar. "They made me bully them."

"Blaze, Silver, Shadar, Spike-Ball. Step into my office," commanded the Principal.

"This is all Shadar's fault anyway," mumbled Fan Karen, while rolling into the office.

-end flashback-

"And that's how it all came to be," said Blaze.

Silver looked at Shadar, "You were some jerk."

"I blame hormones," said Shadar.


	45. Step Ten

"Okay, Knuckles," said the Director. "It's time that you get back to your daily life WITHOUT EMERALDS."

("Darn,") thought Knuckles.

The Director continued, "And whenever regression to your old, angry, emerald-crazed personality comes back, you must recognize it and correct yourself _promptly_."

"Right."

"To give you a jump start on this step, I've arranged for a 'day of fun' with each of your villain associates. Each one of their personalities to test your own, renewed personality."

"Why do you do this to me?"

**Session 10 - Goal: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it if someone noticed.**

-- Eggman

"Hello, Knuckles, I thought for today we could." -Swing-

"YOU TRIED TO KNIFE ME!" screamed Knuckles.

"And I missed. ...Well, that's all I had planned for today, see ya later."

("You should kill him for the good of the Master Emerald,") said Knuckles's subconscious. "No no, I can't listen to you anymore, you're wrong!"

Eggman looked back, "Are you talking to me?"

"No, my subconscious."

"Fine, don't talk to me then. Hmph."

-- Omochao

"Knuckles, let's go see 'Omochao's Joyfully Evil Adventure,' in theaters now!" said Omochao.

"What about my movie?" said Knuckles.

"It never existed as far as my eraser was concerned."

"Grr...whatever."

-In the Movies-

"This is morally disgusting," commented Knuckles.

"That's what I was aiming for," said Omochao.

On screen, an emerald is seen being smashed with a hammer by Omochao.

"In that scene we used genuine Master Emerald," commented Omochao.

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Yep."

"M-My Master Emerald. In pieces..."

"Just don't expect me to give you riddles in case you ever want to find its remains...which I've scattered across the Earth."

"I WANT TO KILL."

"Well aren't you the drama llama?"

"Grr...Don't let the evil out Knuckles. Don't let it out!"

"Actually, yes, Knuckles, don't let it out. There's too many spur-of-the-moment villains in my profession, and we don't need anymore mucking us up worse."

"I NEED TO LEAVE NOW!" Knuckles ran out.

("Since when do we allow animals in theaters?") thought the woman behind them.

("I just want to cut everyone up,") thought the woman behind the woman.

--

"I don't need the emerald," said Knuckles. "In fact, it's better that it was broken. I don't have to guard it anymore and be tempted by its charm. Even though Angel Island will plummet into the ocean, it doesn't really matter, right? It's not like that island was helping to further humanity or anything. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I can't protect the place that I do it fo' my race."

-- Shadow

"Let's get this over with," moaned Knuckles, who was still brooding over the broken emerald.

"You're looking more gloomy than me," said Shadow.

"And you're looking more evil than usual. Why are you in the villain category today?"

"I'm usually in the neutral category but I _accidentally_ blew up a school bus yesterday so my dark meter filled up."

"How does Sonic Team keep something as violent as you?"

"I was instructed to have fun time with you. Let's go."

"Where to?"

"Emerald Stadium."

-At Emerald Stadium-

("This isn't helping my condition at all,") thought Knuckles.

("I'm glad I got a chance to make him suffer more,") thought Shadow. ("Whoops, that thought made my dark meter go up further. I'm gonna be a registered villain for at least 3 more weeks now.")

("Crud,") thought Omochao, which made little sense since he wasn't there nor was telepathic.

"Don't you just love the emerald feel of this stadium?" smiled Shadow.

"Why did you bring me here!?" cried Knuckles.

"Oh look, it's a pop-fly ball!" said an old man. "That's pure emerald-ball, ripe for the catchin',"

-Knuckles instinctively jumped out to catch the emerald-ball-

"Knuckles, did you forget you're supposed to be _not_ going back to your old lifestyle?" laughed Shadow.

-Knuckles dropped in mid-air and landed on the popcorn man-

"You people are getting ruder each day," said the popcorn man. "Here, just take the popcorn."

-- the Biolizard

("No more emeralds,") thought Knuckles. ("I'm a changed echidna. No more.")

The Biolizard approached, "Hey Knuckles, Lucky Charms now has emerald-shaped marshmallows. They're delicious!"

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I'M GOING CRAZY."

"You just need a bowl to perk you up." The Biolizard poured some Lucky Charms in a bowl with some milk. "Oh look, it's turning the milk into an emerald green color," said the Biolizard in amazement.

"CHAKAKAAKNMCOIEINOENWOCNOEWN!"

-- Mega Knuckles

-Somewhere in the confines of Knuckles's mind-

"What is this?" asked Knuckles.

"You're in your mind," said Mega Knuckles as he appeared.

"Why?"

"Well, first off, I'd like to say that I'm glad I canonly exist again. Heaven knows I didn't want to end up on layoff island with the Tails Doll. Second,.."

-Sinister music started to play-

"I'm you, Knuckles!" stated Mega Knuckles.

"I asked you why _I_ was here. I didn't ask anything about you."

"But you should be concerned about things that are running around in your head."

"WHY AM I HERE!"

"Because you're torn between partaking in emeralds again or quitting them forever."

"Really?"

"Yes, I am the.."

"I didn't ask about you, again."

"Honestly, I'm your dark side and you don't see me acting as rude as you right now."

"Just say what you want with me then."

"I want to completely take over you again. I'm the voice always urging you to go back to the Master Emerald."

"Well I'm not going back to it."

"C'mon. Do it."

"No."

"You'll crack eventually. They all do. I'll keep pestering you until you fall back into your addiction."

"And I'll keep resisting. And each day it'll get a little easier to silence your voice."

"Hmph. Well that makes me feel very small."

"Can I go now?"

"I set us up for a half-hour meeting. We've only spent 10 minutes in here. ...Wanna play scrabble?"

10 minutes later.

"'Comebacktotheemeraldplease' is not a word!" screamed Knuckles.

9.5 minutes later.

"I'm glad we got to have this talk," said Mega Knuckles. "Farewell. ...and think up a bathroom in here. I've had to go ever since you were born, and it'd kill us both if I just went on your brain cells."

--

Knuckles opened his eyes to see Eggman, Omochao, Shadow, and the Biolizard all staring at him.

"We've been wondering if we should take you to the hospital for half an hour now," said the Biolizard.

"What a great help you guys were," said Knuckles.

"Stupid, gullible people shouldn't be allowed to use sarcasm," responded Shadow.

--

"I really progressed, Director," said Knuckles.

"Today, I ate a ham sandwich," said the Director.

Step Ten Complete.


	46. OT: Sonic Team Crew Meeting I

"Playing Sim City 4 has prompted me to check our budget. ...We're in the negative," stated Crew Member A.

"That's a shame," said the Head Director.

"Being the Head Director, you should be aware of us heading towards bankruptcy before I am."

"What are _you_ going to do about it?" asked the Head Director.

"Brainstorm on ways to increase our monies."

"Money?"

"Monies."

"..."

"I have some faults too, I'm human."

"How about product placement?" suggested Crew Member B.

"What a great idea!" responded the Head Director. "Oh, and say 'money.'"

"Money," said Crew Member B.

"Great, you're promoted to Crew Member A. Current Crew Member A, you're demoted to Crew Member B and janitorial duties."

"What?!" said the former Crew Member A.

"Maybe this'll teach you to be more qualified for your profession."

"Saying monies right isn't.."

"Money," responded the Head Director

"...Saying the M-word right doesn't make him more qualified than me."

"If you're going to get snippy, then I'm going to also assign you to grooming Crew Member G's Mr. Whiskers."

"Make sure to brush him back and forth now," said Crew Member G. "Kitty's fur is sensitive."

("I don't like my job,") thought the now Crew Member B.

"Let's make an all-star game!" said the Head Director.

--

"Eggman, you're not getting away this time," said Sonic.

"Sonic, are those new shoes you're wearing?" asked Dr. Eggman.

"Yes, they're Nike Airs©. They give me all the comfort and durability I need for saving the world. And Eggman, I see you're flying by yourself today instead of using your hovering machine."

"Why yes, Sonic, I'm currently indulging in Red Bull©. Along with the StarKist Tuna© I ingested that gave me the extra brain power I needed to tackle any task in my path."

"Fear me mortals," said a giant robot beast.

"Oh no!" yelled Sonic. "It's the Get Out and Go Play© Monster!"

The monster roared, "Exercise! Work! Toil!"

-Half of the world was destroyed-

"The world wouldn't have faced this fate if you all would have just sat in and drunk Mountain Dew©," roared the monster.

"I think I know how to stop him," said Sonic.

-Later at Eggman's house-

"That was a great plan, Sonic," said Eggman. "Who could have guessed that we could have saved the world by watching quality TV shows like Bones©, Lost©, Bleach©, and Ugly Betty©."

"and by drinking brand-name sodas," finished Sonic. "Remember kids, Sonic Sez, Sit In and Just Stay©."

And with that, Sonic and Eggman enjoyed soda while watching TV and getting nothing done.

--

"How's our budget now?" asked the Head Director.

"We got some cash flow from the advertisements, but we're still in the negative," stated Crew Member B. "Plus we've got a surplus of angry parent phone calls. Also, the Get Out and Go Play staff wasn't happy about the way we portrayed them."

"We couldn't make everyone look positive."

"Making them into an earth-destroying monster was overboard though."

"Our expenses are still too high. Start cutting things from the budget!" commanded the Head Director.

"I did this in Sim City too," said Crew Member B. "First, we have Amy's skirt, which is costing us a hefty $100 per month."

"Cut it!" said the Head Director.

-- At the Mall.

"Oh no, my skirt is gone!" screamed Amy. She covered her underwear with her hands.

"We already saw what was underneath every time you jumped," said a spectator.

--

"We're still $288 under," stated Crew Member B.

"What else then?" asked the Head Director.

"One of Cream's ears will give us 70 bucks," said Crew Member B.

"Make it so. ...And I'm glad you've solved your difficulties with 'money' and just avoided using the word with 'dollars' and 'bucks'. Progressing past your shortcomings is what I like in a Crew Member."

"Thank You," replied Crew Member B. ("I'm afraid if I ask for my A-spot back, he'll demote me again. If only bosses were stable...")

-- At Cream's house.

"What happened to my ear!!! Did Mr. Knuckles rip it off when I wasn't looking?! I'm so scared."

--

"It'll be problematic if Cream doesn't get that ear back in the next game," said Crew Member C.

"We'll add it back in the budget after we make a profit again," said the Head Director.

"We can gain 400 dollars monthly if we enroll Charmy in a honey bee colony."

-- Charmy

"I'm Officer Bee, reporting to recruit you into our hive."

"No way, working is no fun. Besides, I have a contract with Sonic Team," said Charmy.

"Not anymore," smiled Officer Bee.

"Sonic Team will pay!" shouted Charmy, being dragged off.

--

"Okay, we're in the clear now," announced Crew Member B.

"Good," said the Director.

"Director, what are you doing here?" asked the Head Director.

"I think it was a name typo at first, but the author decided to run with it," replied the Director.

"Oh, well anyway, we're financially stable again, and all we had to do was undermine my subordinates to achieve it," the Head Director said with pride.

("Why are people like him the heads of corporations?") thought Crew Member B in anguish.


	47. OT: Tails Doll's Case

"Judge, I'm here to sue Sonic Team for imprisoning me on a Hawaiian resort with no work," said the Tails Doll.

"Rethink what you just said," responded the Judge.

"Hmm...I really have nothing to be complaining about."

"Case Closed."


	48. Step Eleven

"Time for Reverend!" announced the Director.

Reverend appeared, "Pray!"

"Okay," said Knuckles. "What am I praying for?"

"A more godly conscious," said Reverend.

"I hope I don't have to meet that guy in my head again then," said Knuckles.

"...um, okay?" said the Director.

Reverend continued, "You will pray for a stronger bond with god, a more godly consciousness, and the power to carry out God's will."

**Session 11 – Goal: Sought through prayer and frustration to improve our conscious contact with God _as we understood Him_, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out while thinking about just going back to the emerald.**

-In the confines of Knuckles's mind-

"Oh, I'm here again," said Knuckles.

Mega Knuckles was on the phone, "And Susan just makes everything so complicated, Mom. Everytime I think of a decent anniversary gift, she reads my mind and tells me 'not good enough.' Having a telepathic girlfriend is so troublesome." Mega Knuckles looked over. "Oh wait, Mom, my client is here. I'll talk to you later. ...Knuckles, welcome back. Wanna do evil again?"

"No," replied Knuckles.

"C'mon."

"Hmm..." said Knuckles.

"Yeah, that's it. Ponder it and slowly fall back into my power."

"No, wait. Don't you care about all the people we hurt with our emerald cravings?"

"No, I only care about sinful self-pleasure."

"So you're my evil side?"

"I said that when we met last time!"

"Like I was listening...hey, then where's my good side?"

"Right behind you," Mega Knuckles pointed.

An echidna with white pants was seen. "Oh, Hi," it said.

"You've been there while I was being tempted, and you didn't even do anything!?" yelled Knuckles.

"It's not like you've given me much to work with for the past decade," said the white pantsed creature.

"I never even heard you in the past decade."

"I was the voice saying 'stop destroying everything.' You didn't listen."

"You should have said it louder."

"You tuned it out harder."

"Well you should have..."

"It was your fault."

"Anyway, I'm here to improve my conscious contact with God."

"NO! NO! NO!" yelled Mega Knuckles. "Do you know how much space I'll lose in here!"

"Because you use him so much, he gets two-thirds of your consciousness and subconciousness," commented white pants Knuckles. "While I get one-third."

"I was pushing for the whole thing by getting you into gambling as well, but Goody Goody over there just wouldn't completely give up his place in here."

"I never gave up hope that one day he'd come to my side," said White Pants Knuckles.

"What's your name anyway, good me?" asked Knuckles.

("Yet he didn't want to know my name when he came here the last time,") thought Mega Knuckles.

"I'm Palms."

"Palms?" said Knuckles.

"Yes, because Knuckles are usually a tool for violence and since I'm a peaceful entity, 'Palms' is appropriate."

"There's no need to care about him," said Mega Knuckles. "What you need is some emerald shards. Doesn't that sound good?"

"My body does crave it..." said Knuckles. "Hey, Palms, what do I get if I go towards your way?"

"I've waited for this day for a long time," said Palms in excitement. "If you come towards the God side, you'll get plentiful blessings, a stronger will..."

"but where's the pleasure?" said Mega Knuckles. "Don't go to his side."

"Palms, how come your side isn't as tempting as his?" asked Knuckles.

"Fleshy desires and whatnot," replied Palms. "But resisting temptation will gain you a lot of good things."

"Teh, but where's the stuff that makes your body tingle with excitement?" said Mega Knuckles.

"Then when it's over you feel horrible," finished Palms.

"So how do I get a more godlier conscious?" asked Knuckles.

"First, you ask god to give you one."

"God, give me a godlier conscious," said Knuckles.

-A minute passed-

"Nothing happened!" yelled Knuckles.

"You didn't say please," said Palms.

"God, _please_ give me a godlier conscious."

-Light shined into the area-

"I now have half of your consciousness and subconciousness," stated Palms.

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Mega Knuckles.

"How do I get rid of all the bad half?" asked Knuckles.

"By continuing to ask God for help, being a good person, going to church and watching out for the gambling addiction Mega Knuckles will surely try to rope you in on."

"It's not enough that you got some of _my_ space," said Mega Knuckles, "but now you're alerting him to my schemes. ...Knuckles, don't listen to him. Think of all the people who deserve to be punched."

"You're annoying," said Knuckles. "I'm leaving."

"You're in here for another 40 minutes," said Mega Knuckles. "Which gives me plenty of time to bring you back to my side."

"Yeah...so what do you guys do for entertainment around here?"

"...we wait for a moment where you have the opportunity to choose to do good or bad, then try to bring you to either of our sides," said Palms. "That's about it."

39.5 minutes later.

"This period of sitting here and being tempted sure was boring," Knuckles vanished.

"You just _had_ to talk to him," said Mega Knuckles. "I hate you, Palms."

"I love everyone," replied Palms.

"Yeah, you would say that, Goody Goody."

--

"You had a really long prayer session," said the Director.

"How do you feel, Knuckles?" asked Reverend.

"Like gambling," stated Knuckles.

Step Eleven Complete.


	49. OT: New Main Villain Auditions

"Okay, we need a new main villain, because people are starting to get tired of Eggman always doing the same thing with the same plot," announced the Head Director.

"Let's hold auditions for a new main villain then," suggested Crew Member A. "We can have Sonic be there too, to see if the hero-villain chemistry works."

-- the Biolizard

Sonic approached. "I won't let you win, you Bioloser."

The Biolizard started to cry. "Why would you say that?" It ran off stage.

"He has potential," said the Head Director.

"Umm...yeah, you're right," said Crew Member B. ("It's getting harder to lie each day.")

-- Dark Chao

"Chao chao CHAO!"

"So what, would we have to put up a translation box every time it talks?" asked the Head Director.

-- Mr. Riddle

"If a pig skin's a pork rind at the noon of may, then when will I blow up the world?"

"Uh, what?" responded Sonic.

"This guy's good. I'm not even a hero character and I'm confused too," said the Head Director.

-- Omochao

"If you don't tilt the controller exactly 45 degrees clockwise, the bomb _will_ go off."

-- The Director

"I'm going to direct you _into your next life_!"

"You're not even a classified villain," said the Head Director.

-- Tails Doll

"Fear the.."

"What are you doing here?" asked the Head Director. "Get back to Hawaii."

"I just wanted some attention, okay?!"

-- Ggeanm

-An egg-shaped man in a trenchcoat walked on stage-

"Hello, I'm Ggeanm, and I'm the world's greatest scientist."

"I can feel the passion," stated the Head Director. "Sonic, give him a line."

"You think you can get away with this!?" said Sonic.

"Insolent hedgehog, I'll destroy you and finally make my Eggman Empire!"

"...Eggman?" said the Head Director.

"No, I um.." The trenchcoat fell off. "..Please don't push me from my throne! Being Sonic's primary nemesis is what I wake up for. Don't take this away from me! Please don't!" Eggman groveled.

"Okay," said the Head Director. "You can remain."

"But what are we going to do about the people wanting a new main villain?" asked Crew Member B.

"That name Eggman came on with...guugaha or something?"

"It was Ggeanm," Eggman corrected.

"Yes, you will use that name in games from now on, and we now have a new main villain! Most people won't even recognize he's the old Eggman."

"That's a great idea," said Crew Member B. ("Forgive me, mother in heaven. I lie to keep my job.")


	50. OT: The Strongest Hedgehog

In an open field, Sonic saw Shadow and Silver talking.

"And I'd just blast you," said Shadow.

"Which I'd easily avoid," replied Silver.

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Sonic.

"About who's the strongest hedgehog," said Silver. "Which is me."

"No, I'm the strongest," claimed Sonic.

"Yeah right," said Shadow. "All you can really do is run and jump."

"Yet I've saved the world countless more times then you guys."

"So what? Anyone can save the world," stated Shadow, who handed Sonic a newspaper with the headline of 'Boy Saves World Using Newspaper And The Power of Friendship.'

"Besides," said Silver, "I can throw things at people with my mind."

"And I can throw things at people with my hands," said Shadow, with a hint of sarcasm.

"But I'm the fastest," said Sonic.

"Like that's really something to brag about," said Shadow. "Sonic Team now makes me go slower than you, because they want you to look the fastest. I'm as fast or even faster than you."

"Even I can run fast," said Silver. "I just don't, because that'd be boring. I'd rather walk around and throw stuff."

Sonic got antsy. "You guys seem so confident, but let's see who'd win in a fight."

**FIGHT!**

Sonic wins.

"T-That's not fair," cried Silver.

"Heh heh, what wasn't fair about it?" asked Sonic.

"The only reason you win at anything is because Sonic Team heightens everything you do, because you're the star," stated Shadow. "If you were just another added-on character, you'd be in the same bin as Fang."

"That's not true," said Sonic.

"That is true," said Eggman, who overheard and couldn't help but butt in. "All the time I was fighting with you, I always wondered, how is it possible that my extraordinary inventions are defeated by a run-and-jump hedgehog? I've came to the conclusion that Sonic Team gives you a cheat code so you're able to defeat me all the time."

"Or you're just incompetent," said Shadow.

-At Sonic Team Headquarters-

"Hey, so without the whole 'Sonic has to win in the end' thing we do, who is the strongest hedgehog?" asked the Head Director.

"Well, logically, Shadow," said Crew Member B. "He can do everything Sonic can plus has super strength and unlimited chaos powers."

"But Shadow doesn't have the power of blue," said Crew Member A.

Crew Member B rolled his eyes.

"Silver is stronger than both," said Crew Member C. "He'd grab them with his telekinesis and throw them against everything imaginable."

"Which is nothing if Shadow uses his chaos blast and blows everything up in a 5 mile radius, along with Silver," stated Crew Member B.

"Sonic is too agile to be caught by that blast or Silver's telekinesis. Sonic would spindash them both to death," said Crew Member A.

"-sigh- I hate fanboy battles," said the Head Director.


	51. OT: Wishing Star

-- Sonic

"So much adventure!" said Sonic. "Oh look, there's Shadow!"

"Sonic, let's go on an adventure!" said Shadow.

"Sure!" replied Sonic. "Oh look, there's Knuckles!"

"Sonic, let's go on an adventure!" said Knuckles.

"Alright!" said Sonic.

-- Amy

"Sonic, Sonamy needs to be changed again," yelled Amy.

"Right away, my lovely," Sonic said with glee.

-- Chaos

"blub blub blub bluurb!" Translated: ("A world filled with water. Heavenly!")

-- Rouge

"JEWELS JEWELS EVERYWHERE," screamed Rouge.

"How may I serve you, Miss Rouge?" asked Shadow.

"Fix up my jewel bath, boy."

-- Cream

"Everyone is just so happy, and I'm happy," said Cream.

"I don't want to be evil anymore," said Eggman. "I want to have a tea party instead."

"Yay!"

"And so do all the villains of the world."

"Yay, no more evil in the world!"

-- Black Doom's Eye

"Finally, two eyes!"

-- Shadow

-Not a sound was heard on the entire planet-

"Now this is how I like it," said Shadow.

-- Eggman

"I've finally created an ultimate, new robot that can stop Sonic. Oh no, it's betraying me!"

-- the Communist Pizza

"Oh boy, I sure am hungry," said Potential Customer. "I know, I'll go to the Communist Pizza's restaurant."

"Or you could come to my restaurant," said a pizza restaurant competitor.

"No way!" said Potential Customer, as he started to throw rocks at the competitor and his restaurant.

-- the Biolizard

"I've finally gained all the respect of the world. There's nothing left for me to cry about."

-- Tails

"Woah, look at Eggman's new robot," said Sonic. "Tails, what should I do?"

"Finally, you're listening to me," cried Tails.

-- Charmy

"Go my colony workers! Go and destroy Sonic Team for drafting me here!"

-- Cookies the Shark

"Mmm...Cookies."

-- Metal Sonic

"Oh Sonic, I'm glad you finally accept that I'm better than you."

"Well, it's true," said Sonic.

"Wait wait wait, don't talk until I completely finish gloating."

-- Omochao

"Please, Mr. Omochao. Please give me some of your wisdom. I need to know how to go to the bathroom."

"That'll be 20 bucks," said Omochao.

"I'm happy to pay for it, Mr. Omochao."

-- Duckalus the Duck

"Quack."

--

-Somewhere in the Milky Way Galaxy-

"Wishing Star, did you go past that Earth planet I forbid you to go to?" asked Grandmother Star.

"Yes, and Grandma, you were right. You really get caught in some sick and odd fantasies there."


	52. OT: The Reverend Chronicles

-At Reverend's church-

"A good heart gets you into heaven," said Reverend.

-After service-

"Reverend, I don't understand this church," said a woman. "Where's the money?"

"Money?"

"You know, the object that distinguishes better members."

"Money doesn't do that."

"That's not how things work at the Church of Cash. I'd rather go there then come here anymore. Your ways are too complicated with your 'good heart' nonsense."

("Maybe I need to see what's up at this 'Church of Cash,'") thought Reverend.

-At the entrance of the Church of Cash-

Reverend looked up to see a sign that said, "$hurch of Ca$h: Those with money welcome. Those without can shine our shoes for tips."

Reverend shook his head and entered the church. There he saw a wealthy couple.

"You know at that other church, they said you couldn't buy your way into heaven. Boy was I relieved when I got here."

"You cannot buy your way into heaven," said Reverend.

"What do you know?" She turned and walked to the church spa.

While further exploring the church, Reverend saw a 12-year-old boy throwing rose petals in front of the steps of the members.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Reverend.

"They feed me if I do this," said the boy. "On really lucky nights, some of the customers give me breath mints. It doesn't seem like much to you rich folk, but it's enough to fill up us poor folk."

"I'm not rich," said Reverend.

"Then why are you here?" said the boy, as he went back to his job.

Reverend walked into the main congregation room and to his surprise, saw Rouge, "Miss Rouge, what are you doing here?"

"I come here for their jewelry sales in the basement," said Rouge. "I also come to learn more thievery tricks. The sellers down there know how to get around."

"That's it, I'm going to the Reverend here!" declared Reverend.

"He's behind that diamond covered door," Rouge pointed. ("I've got to steal that door sometime.")

Reverend went to the door and opened it to see a secretary.

"Yes?" said the secretary.

"I'm here to see the Reverend."

"If you're here to save your soul, then you'll have to make a down payment."

"What kind of church is this!"

The door behind the secretary opened, "Who is questioning my church?"

"I am," said Reverend.

"Step into my office," said the man.

Reverend went into the office. The desk sat at by the church's Reverend was made of gold and his pen to write with, made of ruby.

"How dare you try to denounce my church," said the man. "I am Reverend $am. I love money so much, I put it in my name."

"What about loving the lord?" asked Reverend.

"That's secondary."

"That is not something a Reverend should say."

"You think I care?"

"You call yourself a Reverend, so you should."

"Listen here, I love money. You think I care about that other stuff? I made this church when the last one I went to told me that God doesn't care about how much money I have when judgment day comes. I laughed and decided to make a church on what I felt was right."

"You have underground market in your _church_ basement!"

"So? It's for the good of the money. Besides, I get 20 percent of the profits so God's fine with it."

"No, he's not. Your church is making everyone in it hellbound."

"All I heard you say is 'your church is getting rich with money.'"

"I'm alerting the people of this church right now."

"Not if my secretary stops you. Get him, Sarah Secretary!"

"I only work when money is involved," said Sarah.

"The downfall of having money-driven employees," said Reverend $am.

Reverend got behind the podium, "Hear me people, this church is a fraud."

"I knew those shoes I bought in the basement couldn't have been genuine chiffon!" said an outraged customer.

"No, the problem is that money cannot get you into heaven."

"Why not?" said a member.

"Because God is looking at what's in your heart. And money doesn't make your heart better."

"Who says!"

"The bible does. Read it."

"You read them? I thought they were just some church fashion accessory."

"What he's saying is in here!" shouted a woman.

"It also says Jesus drove those out of the church who were trying to sell and have auctions inside," said another member.

Reverend $am came to the podium, "Don't listen to this man. Does he look wealthy to you? He's trying to trick you all into the poor house."

"I am not," said Reverend. "I didn't say it's _wrong_ to have money. I know we all want an easy way into heaven. We want to be sure that we have a spot there, but money alone doesn't give you a spot. You have to work to be better people and help those in need."

"Well, is your desk made of gold?" asked Reverend $am.

"We're not going to listen to your lies anymore, $am!" shouted Rouge, just trying to start a riot.

"Yeah!" said another woman.

"You're a liar, $am!"

The church members all yelled, "Yeah!"

"Oh darn it," Reverend $am ran back to his office to pack his things and flee the church. Only he found he didn't have to open one door to get there, as Rouge had stolen it in the middle of the spiritual uprising.

And all the former members of the $hurch of Ca$h went to Reverend's church and learned true teachings from God.

-10 Days Later-

"Reverend $am?" said Reverend.

"It's just Sam now."

"I'm glad you decided to join me at my church, Sam."

"I went bankrupt after you came to my church. I feel so hopeless now. Please help."

"God will help," said Reverend. "God will help."

-In Vegas-

"Oh Great, Sam's credit card is maxed out!" growled Rouge. "Oh well, I still have Reverend's."


	53. OT: Omega's Awakening

"Tails, scrub that spot by the Omega table a little harder," commanded _the Chess Master!_

"Okay, Boss," said Tails.

While walking to the spot, Tails slipped on the wet floor and fell right on Omega's emergency backup switch.

"I have awakened," said Omega. "I could really go for some Annihilate, Kill, Destroy, right now."

"Aw, I've lost my tourist attraction table," said _the Chess Master!_

Some female customers came in. "I don't see that famous table in here, but look at that hunk there!" she pointed to Omega.

"I am E-123 Omega, and I.."

"Girls, did you hear his voice?! It's so manly. Quick, we have to alert the women empowerment groups of this new bachelor," they ran out.

"Looks like you have fans," said _the Chess Master!_ "How about you not destroy my restaurant, and instead, work here so we can keep getting a lot of customers?"

"Is that an organic-lifeform attempt at humor? You left me deactivated, and now you want me to work for you? I'm still trying to destroy Dr. Eggman for doing that one."

("He really holds a grudge,") thought_ the Chess Master! _

Omega powered up for a blast.

"Wait!" screamed _the Chess Master!_ "I can get that rabbit meat you need to charge up your battery now. Just don't destroy the place."

Omega stopped charging, "Okay, but this is your last chance."

The Chess Master looked at Tails and whispered, "Hey, go call your friend, Cream, over before he gets angry again."

"I'm not going to call Cream over so she can get eaten by a robot!" screamed Tails.

Omega powered up again.

"Even if you weren't going to get her, you could have just whispered it into my ear and not alerted the killer robot!" screamed _the Chess Master!_

-Across the street at the Communist Pizza Restaurant-

"There's just too much capitalism in this city," moaned the Communist Pizza.

"Cheer up, Dad," said the Communist Kid. "I'm sure things will get better soon."

"They won't get better as long as that Chess Master's pizza restaurant is still in business." The Communist Pizza looked out the window, "Curse him for having the better ingredients to make a better pizza."

"We just got a call from Papa John's saying they're suing you for copyright infringement, Daddy."

"Darn."

"We got a phone call from a TV show saying they used 'darn' first. You're being sued again, Daddy."

"This is all the fault of that accursed Pizza Bucket! I wish it would blow up."

-Boom-

"It just did, Daddy."

-Back across the street-

"It was nice doing business with you," Omega said, then left.

"My successful business is gone..." said _the Chess Master!_ with sadness.

The Communist Pizza ran across the street, "Finally! With your business gone, mine will pick up momentum and flourish, and my competition won't survive. Long Live Communism!"

"What?" said Tails. "Communism would be having everyone getting paid the same amount. One business wouldn't flourish over another. Having one business flourish more than others is a capitalist thing."

The Communist Pizza's face literally broke and underneath it came a new face.

"You have opened my eyes, young fox. From this day forward, I will be _the Capitalist Slice_!"

("What is with all these people and their the's and exclamation marks in their names?") thought Tails.

"I think I'll just go get a job at Walgreens," said _the Chess Master!_


	54. Step Twelve

"Knuckles, gather me together again," said the Master Emerald. "There's some kid in Europe who's playing with one of my shards like some common necklace piece. Only you handle me like the Queen I am."

"I'm sorry emerald, but we're through," said Knuckles.

"What did you say?"

"I go to church now. I try to help the community, and I became in touch with God. There's no place for you anymore in my heart."

"Do you know who you're talking to?!"

"A shiny rock with no power over me. That's it."

"Y-You...You shall pay for your treachery."

"By a motionless rock?"

"...Maybe I've been too hard on you. Knuckles, we can work this out."

"No, we can't," Knuckles turned around and left.

"Wait, Knuckles! That kid in Europe just bit me!"

**The Last Session – Goal: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to anthropomorphic creatures and to practice these principles in all our affairs.**

Hello, I'm Knuckles the Echidna, and I used to be an emeraldholic. ...or a jewelaholic, I forgot which. Through perseverance and God's love, I've gotten through my destructive, emerald lifestyle.

I now go to daily meetings.

--

"...Which would be very beneficial for the Sonic franchise," finished Knuckles.

"Who is that?" asked the Head Director.

"Knuckles the Echidna," commented Crew Member A.

"Well, who gave him character development? Certainly not I."

--

I try to educate others.

--

"Rouge, your jewel-hunting lifestyle is self-destructive."

"That's not what the jewels tell me," replied Rouge.

"Let's start at Step One..."

--

I constantly rebuke urges to go back to my previous nature.

--

"Jewelry sale here!" yelled a salesman.

"SHUTUP! JUST SHUTUP," Knuckles yelled back.

--

I attend church regularly.

--

"Hello everyone," Knuckles said as he walked in the church.

"Oh no! Satan has entered the holy temple! Everyone get your crosses and prayer hands ready."

"I'm just a red echidna..."

"We won't be deceived by your lies, Satan."

--

Old enemies have become friends.

--

"And I think an avenue would really solve the traffic problem of that area," said Knuckles.

"Once I rule the world, street congestion will be the least of everyone's worries!" laughed Eggman. "More of this fine tea, please."

Knuckles poured some more. "Honestly, this is just water. I think your arrogance is giving your cup a conceitedly rich flavor."

"He's right," said the Biolizard. "Because this water really tastes terrible."

"That's because you've been crying in yours," commented Knuckles.

"It's just that I'm so happy we can all get together like this," cried the Biolizard.

"And I'm happy Oprah gave me a talk show, so my advice will be heard in households around the globe," said Omochao. "My life of evil can be over now. The only thing to worry about is that Dr. Phil. I'll have to sabotage his show so mine can get better ratings."

"Which is evil," said Knuckles.

--

Even my previous circle of friends have come to respect me more.

--

"I'm so glad I don't have to fear you anymore, Mr. Knuckles," said Cream.

"I really still don't like you," said Shadow.

"I'm glad Sonic and me are together too," said Amy. "That's what we're talking about, right?"

"I found out my two-tails were caused by nuclear radiation," said Tails.

--

I've gotten a better daily life.

--

"Are my photos ready yet?" asked Knuckles.

"Only if you beat me in a game of chess!" said _the Chess Master! _"Also, I'm watching you to make sure you don't steal anything."

"Does Walgreens have anything worth stealing?"

--

All in all, I've been able to become a better person.

--

"Knuckles! Let's go on an adventure!" said Sonic.

"You know what, Sonic? Let's," said Knuckles.

"Then we can run up a skyscraper and run down a roller-coaster and explore the moon!"

"You know what, I think I have to go somewhere..."

--

I'm happy that all of you can hear my story. So you can know, no matter who, what, where, when and why a person you are, you can stop the emeralds.

Tell my story for generations to come.

Step Twelve and Knuckles's Redemption Complete.


End file.
